What you needed to record a video 35 odd years ago

College

Got $350,000 to spare?

On a car?

Are you a Mercedes fan boy or fan girl? Do you ever wonder what kind of luxury is waiting for people with more money than they know what to do with? Have you got a spare USD$350,000 kicking around? Then have I got the car for you!

Doug DeMuro, based in San Diego, loves reviewing cars and he especially loves getting his hands on unique cars. So when Mercedes Benz of Temecula offered him a chance to check out a Maybach S650 Cabriolet, of course he said "Yes!"

I mean come on. For starters, there's only 300 of them on the planet and only 75 of them in the US. Who wouldn't want to take a top notch Maybach with a twin turbo V12 engine spitting out 620 hp. Pfffft.

I love that there's a spare button on the dash that doesn't have a function, which is funny considering that this car has every option there is.

Calm down

Alternative names for stuff

• Randomized clinical trial controlled with a placebo - trick or treatment
• Foot fell asleep - coma toes
• Insomnia - resisting a rest
• Car repair - autocorrect
• Stepdad - faux pa
• High heels - arch enemies
• Hereditary depression - blue genes
• Alexander Graham Bell - Lord of the rings
• Paris Fashion Week - French dressing
• Dad bod - father figure
• Moon enthusiast - lunatic
• Jet skis - boatercycles
• The Iliad - Troy story
• Erectile dysfunction - Ballzheimer's
• Jurassic world - Parks and Rex
• Lawn fertilizer - grassoline
• Mirror - self checkout
• Jousting - Poker knight
• Toaster - Tanning bread

Small things 27 Dec

• I suddenly had a weird movie idea. Ghosts terrorizing rich people at Christmas until they give their employees better pay. Yeah, I know it sounds familiar, but wait. Then the rich people call the Ghostbusters. But then the Ghostbusters figure out what's going on and call the A-Team to kill the rich people.
• If we trained a raccoon Navy, would they sail out and eat the Pacific garbage patch?
• When a Boomer tries to get all "We knew how to do things right", just remind them that they're the generation that covered up hard wood floors with linoleum and carpet.
• There are people, in the US, who think that NASA is keeping secrets and that Donald Trump's Space Force will finally reveal what's really out there.
• Imagine if your credit card had a yearly wrap-up like Spotify.... "You spent $753 on coffee. You're a loyal Esso'er. You bought 443 double-doubles at Tim Hortons....."
• Ever notice the look you get from your cat when you try meowing at them?
• My sombre thoughts go out to all the animals shelter workers who will likely be seeing an uptick in arrivals post-Christmas.
• You don't hate winter. You hate that you have to go back to work instead of curling up beside the fireplace with a nice drink....
• A poem about Rudolf:

Noses aren't red
Elf unions are avoidable
Deviation from the norm is mocked
Unless it's exploitable

Baby Yoda is Star Wars now

Things I learned lately 27 Dec

• The magnetic north pole (pictured) is really cruising along faster than it has in over 100 years.
• Dollar stores make their profit on selling you a small amount of something for a low price. The value per unit sold though, is much less than buying a regular sized package
  
  in a regular store.
• IKEA Heights, a series of 5 minute soap opera parodies, was filmed entirely in the Burbank IKEA and the store didn't even realize it was happening.
• Quebec has 43% of the national total of electric vehicles.
• A burger joint in Calgary opened its doors to the homeless Xmas Eve and gave out over 600 burgers for free. Flipp'n Burgers is the place.
• There seem to be gravitational effects in our solar system that point to evidence of a 9th planet, almost as big as Neptune, 10 times the mass of earth, moving in a 10,000 year elliptical orbit out beyond the kuiper belt. They've been looking for it since 2016-ish.
• The Tesla Trans-Canada Supercharger network is now live. You can now drive from Vancouver to Halifax and get all your charging at a Supercharger, and many are version 3 chargers. We're now at over 15,300 Tesla charging stalls globally.
• White supremacists were responsible for the deaths of at least 39 people in the US in 2018.
• Tigers have "false eyes" on the back of their ears to discourage predators from attacking them from behind. Interesting. More interesting though, tigers have predators.
• A teaspoon of honey is the life work of 12 bees.

Small things 20 Dec

• Whose bright idea was it to make a toilet paper ad featuring bears wiping their butts? Bears!
• Here's to all those consumers out there who never removed the plastic protection film off their electronic devices.
• Waterbeds. There was a time when I thought they were cool. Yes, I owned one. No, I did not bring it with me when I moved in with Darlene.
• Dear 2019: I expected a lot more from you. But in the spirit of empathy, maybe you just weren't feeling it. I know this is so cliche, but you're fired. Dear 2020: You'd better impress my socks off, because there's a line of other years waiting to take your place.
• When you were a kid, did you play that game where you'd knock on someone's door and then run away before they could answer? Well, UPS is hiring.............
• If Santa keeps track of naughty kids every year, technically the year doesn't start until January 1st. So between December 26th and 31st all bad stuff goes undocumented I guess. Have fun kids.....
• Isn't it weird that people on a boat will wave to people on shore, or on another boat? And the other people wave back! It's like, "Hey! I'm on a boat!" "Yes, I see you!"
• It won't be long before kids start asking "Why do we call it 'hanging up' the phone?"

BATMN

Pay it forward

I contribute to the corporate newsletter at work. For January's article from "The Trainer", I included this:

If you're looking for a resolution for 2020, I have a candidate idea. Every time you make a decision or know of a change, consider who else needs to be aware of that. Make it your resolution in 2020 to reduce the number of colleagues that say to themselves, "I sure wish I had known that a week ago...."

Namaste........

1979

There are mashups, then there is this gem, which mixes together practically every known hit song from 1979.

It's fun just to listen to it and try to pick out all the songs that have made it into the mix.

The Hood Internet plans to make more of these.

She's 'transformed'

Things I learned lately 20 Dec

• The Japanese celebrate Christmas with Christmas cake (similar to strawberry shortcake) and KFC. Japanese people are all about parties around Christmas. Christmas Eve is the Japanese equivalent of Valentine's Day. It's the most romantic day of the year. "Meri Kurisumasu!"
• Condor, a German airline, flies a summer seasonal route between Frankfurt and Whitehorse, in the Yukon. It's a popular German destination.
• If you order food for pickup from Swiss Chalet, they frown upon driving up to the takeout window to get it, even if it's all ready to go, bought and paid for. The takeout window is only for food ordered at a drive up kiosk.
• When you go to the Swiss Chalet web site, they don't show you any prices until you pick a store, choose a pickup time and start filling your cart.
• Apparently Aussies love to make up ridiculous fake facts about Australia for tourists and other Aussies will immediately chime in and corroborate the fake fact. So basically, beware of anything an Aussie says to you, especially if they're in groups.Contact-less transactions made up 19.5% of the 21 billion transactions in the retail space in 2018 in Canada.
• Trump keeps flaunting the record stock market as an accomplishment, but 60% of Americans say it doesn't help them.
• If Calgary had as many McDonalds restaurants per capita as Orlando Florida, we'd have over 200 of them.
• The sprawling homes boomers bought are not very appealing to the latest generations, not just due to their size, but also their sustainability and price. This could create a massive real estate problem in the future.

Drug awareness ad fail

Snow banks in suburbs of Montreal (circa 1970s)

Empty bags, almost as good as empty boxes

Grippy tips please

me: i'd like to buy rubber tips for my wife's walker

medical supply store employee (msse): why?
me: because the current tips are too slippery
msse: they're supposed to slip, they're gliders
me: my wife doesn't want glide, she wants grip
msse: that type of walker isn't supposed to grip, it's supposed to glide
me: well, we want it to grip
msse: we don't sell grippy tips for that walker, others had grippy tips and complained they don't last
me: i don't care
msse: if you want the grippy tips, get another walker
me: i just want 2 rubber grippy tips
msse: sorry

i go to another outlet of the same store

me: i'd like to buy rubber tips for my wife's walker
msse2: why?
me: because the current tips are too slippery
msse2: how many do you need?
me: uhhh. 2 sets?
msse2: no problem, here you go..........

Shows up late? Perfect.

Small things 13 Dec

• Dear Albertans who want to separate from Canada: Your government couldn't even sock away any money while things were good for decades. What makes you think they'd do better now if they controlled the whole purse?
• One advantage to Amazon delivery providers taking confirmation pictures of their delivery feats is that you can see where they actually sent your package to when they didn't deliver it to YOUR home.....
• Imagine if Hey Jude had become as iconic a singalong song as Bohemian Rhapsody...........
• 3 things that are hard for some people to say: I was wrong; I need help; Worcestershire Sauce.
• I'm a bit amazed that in light of climate change and an apparent increase in societal awareness of the causes, that using real Christmas trees are still acceptable. No judgement, just an observation.
• The next time someone says "There's plenty of fish in the sea....", you can respond with, "And trash. Lots and lots of trash......"
• Gas pumps when it's really cold: "Insert card. Enter PIN. Enter slowly. Try again. Session expired. Re-insert card. Insert fully. Enter PIN. Insufficient funds. Please wait for attendant." 
• My ancestors spent days chopping and splitting firewood for the winter. I just spent hours and broke down a bunch of Amazon boxes for the recycle bin.
• Ordering pizza in a blizzard is a nice move, eh? "The roads are too horrible to drive on, let's see if this immigrant from Haiti can make it in their 2011 Kia...."

Dynamic cruise control!!

Ok, I know this might not seem like a big deal to most people, but I finally got to drive a car with active cruise control.

Man, that was fun.

A Toyota Corolla if you must know.

Does this classify as a sandwich?

... discuss.....

Steak-Umm

Hey Canadians. If you've never gone grocery shopping in the US, I'd like to tell you about an interesting food product. Steak-Umms.

Imagine you're jonesing for some Philly cheese-steak sandwiches. Unless you're made of the kind of money that you could afford real steak and then slice it really thin, you're gonna go to the store and get a box of frozen Steak-Umm.

The picture on the box looks amazing. The reality in the box is the definition of underwhelming. Imagine very thin slices of processed uhh... beef, separated by thin sheets of wax paper. The steak sheets aren't much thicker.

You fry 'em up in a pan and dump 'em in a hoagie bun (that's what they call them in some parts). Add some sliced process cheese at the last minute to melt it and we'll call it a home-made cheese-steak sandwich.

I had them once upon a time, while visiting cousins in New Jersey. It's actually not bad. But one time I had them, I think my stomach was supremely insulted because it revolted the only way a stomach can. Sending it back out the way it came in. It was not a fun time that meal I can tell you.

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it to anyone who has never had them before. Steak-Umms. Proof that Americans will re-process anything.

Things I learned lately 13 Dec

• DHL will debut a fully electric delivery van in the US in 2020.
• You need to let the government scan your face before you can access new internet or mobile services in China.
• The 5 most fuel-efficient vehicles (US stats) are the Chevy Spark, Nissan Versa, Toyota Corolla Hatch, Honda Fit and Mitsubishi Mirage.
• The Brits traditionally refer to Santa as 'Father Christmas'. They also tend to say 'Happy Christmas', versus Merry Christmas. Also, Christmas TV ads in the UK have as much popularity as Super Bowl ads in the US.
• Up to 6 million Christmas trees are cut in Canada every year (40 million in North America). Half of the trees are exported. The top 3 tree producers are Quebec, Ontario and Nova Scotia.
• Tokyo may be short 14,000 hotel rooms per day during the 2020 Olympics.
• The heme molecule, capable of hosting an iron ion, is what gives meat its meaty flavour. Beyond meat version 2.0 contains those heme molecules, along with soy and potato proteins. The fattiness is mimicked with sunflower and coconut oils. They're about as healthy as real hamburger.
• A group of 350 psychiatrists and other mental-health professionals claim that President Donald Trump's mental health is rapidly deteriorating amid the impeachment inquiry.
• Wil Wheaton is now the same age that Patrick Stewart was when Star Trek the Next Generation first aired.

Or don't.........

Small things 6 Dec

• When you ask for a wake-up call at your hotel, they should call you and say things like, "You don't need to stay in an abusive relationship..." or "Your kids will want to move back in in less than 3 years. Time to move far away."
• I wonder what current consumer item will skyrocket in cost comparable to how much more cigarettes cost today versus 20 or so years ago. I bet it will be real meat.
• Flashlight. A storage container for dead batteries.
• Fine. A word that almost always means the opposite of what you think.
• Adulthood. When you need to plan to see a friend.
• Food coma. Proof that you don't deserve having been born in the developed world.
• Earth. Decides if other planets are planets or not.
• "Let's go to Starbucks." A polite way of saying "I forgot your name and I know a clever way for you to remind me."
• Coffee. It only tastes good cold when you buy it that way.
• Winter. The season that occurs twice a year.
• Parking ticket. A speeding ticket for going 0 km/h.
• The period. A great example of "better late than never".
• Accents. Fonts for your mouth.
• bcc: adult tattletaling.

School of rock

School of Rock performing Black Hole Sun

School of Rock performing Frankenstein

I cannot believe how few views these have gotten!

Yes, School of Rock is a thing.....

4 Canadian images

Things I learned lately 6 Dec

• Starbucks opened a five story Reserve Roastery in Chicago. At 35,000 sq ft, it's the biggest in the world. You can get pizza, cocktails as well as the usual pastries and coffee.
• The Airbus A-380 double-decker jet airliner will be discontinued after 2021.
• Erykah Badu (pictured) spends a lot of her time working as a doula.
• Have you ever heard the name John B. Goodenough? Well, you should have. He was part of the team that invented RAM and also was instrumental in developing the current lithium ion battery technology that runs our mobile world today. He's also on the team with Maria Braga working on a solid state battery that uses a special kind of "glassy" electrolyte instead of lithium.
• If you're at the start of your career or contemplating a change of direction, studies show you should stop trying to 'follow your passion' to the right job for you, and instead ask yourself this simple question: "What do I truly care about?" 'Purpose' is a far better career compass than joy. 
• A recently proposed anti-abortion bill in Ohio would require doctors to attempt to re-implant an ectopic pregnancy into the woman’s uterus or face criminal charges for murder, despite the fact that it is a medically impossible procedure. Republicans introduced House Bill 413 in Ohio, which would outlaw abortions in all circumstances, except in cases where the mother’s life is at risk. The bill would consider doctors who terminate pregnancies or even teens who get an abortion guilty of murder and subject to penalties of up to life in prison or even the death penalty.

Barracuda cover

There is nothing I love better than to hear some kids do a smashing job rocking out a great 70s rock standard.