Or as I like to call it - a cookie

Pokenuts

Small things 17 Nov

• If they made scented candles for dogs, they would smell like other dogs' butts.
• Puns about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
• Never eat a clock. It's very time consuming. Especially if you have seconds.
• What if dogs destroy shoes because that's the last thing we put on before we leave?
• If Lay's made beer, the bottle would contain 75% foam.
• If you always vent to someone, make sure to occasionally ask how they're doing too.
• This would be a very cruel site link to send to stoned people.
• Saying "Aliens don't exist. If they did, they would have visited us or we would have found them by now" is like scooping up a glass of seawater and saying "There's no life in the ocean."
• I used to help my dad fix his car. What I learned is..... KEEP THE FLASHLIGHT STILL!!
• If the Navy only recruited non-swimmers, would they do a better job defending the ship?

Eat yer beets

Young chef Flynn McGarry talks about preparing vegetables to taste as good as meat. In particular, beets.

Incidentally, a movie is coming out about this guy (Chef Flynn).

"Vlad the Impaler" discovers marshmallows.....

Things I learned lately 17 Nov

• Fire season in the western US is now 105 days longer than it was in the 1970s.
• His official title: His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.
• On some copies of the vinyl pressing of Atom Heart Mother's track Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast by Pink Floyd, the dripping tap at the end of the song is cut into the run-off groove, so it plays on infinitely until the listener removes the stylus from the album, an effect lost on the CD release. On the CD, the dripping continues for approximately 17 seconds after all other sounds have ceased.
• There are 57,636 wind turbines operating in the US, and counting. There are 6,590 in Canada.
• The 13 letters of "eleven plus two", when rearranged, also spell "twelve plus one". ~Neil deGrasse Tyson

Small things 9 Nov

• I know what would finally get Trump's supporters to have a change of heart. If he threatened to make America go metric.
• The key under the doormat is the real world version of login: admin password: admin.
• Whoever said you should take whiskey for a cold probably likes whiskey a lot
• Grammar police: To serve and correct.
• Would you call a half zebra, half donkey a 'zonkey', or a 'deebra'?
• If Dracula had a cat, it would always be in the coffin.
• I wonder if any man does not have a box of random cables......
• Don't confuse my disdain of the hyper-wealthy for jealousy over what they have. I don't want a 6 figure sports car, or a 20 room mansion, or a gold leaf truffle wagyu steak. I want redistribution of wealth so that citizens don't have to worry about affording (and getting) health care, getting a higher education, and a living wage.
• Is the reason we wake up the second we die in a dream because our brain has no knowledge of what happens to us after we die?
• To remember how many feet there are in a mile, just remember 5 tomatoes. Which sounds like 5.. 2.. 8.. 0. There are 5280 feet in a mile. Or, you could just move to Canada. There's 1000 metres in a kilometre.
• A head of lettuce is basically a lettuce lettuce wrap.

Truth

Is this the real life?

Marc Martel, the Quebec-born singer who sounds like Freddie Mercury, made Celine Dion cry, played vocal in the official Queen Extravaganza tour and provides vocals for the new movie Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen biopic, recorded said song in one take for our listening pleasure.

Behold. This guy. Incredible.

It took me a second or two to see it

Things I learned lately 9 Nov

• In 2017, 62 incidents of uncontrolled train movements were reported to the Transportation Safety Board in Canada.
• The Paris region plans to launch a large fleet of electric bicycles in a state-funded scheme aimed at getting commuters to cycle to work (or the train) and reduce congestion and pollution. Ile-de-France Mobilités (IDFM) will provide up to 10,000 e-bikes for long-term rental, with a view to expanding the scheme to 20,000. Unlike Velib bikes, which are rented on an hourly basis and must be docked in roadside stations after use, Veligo bikes will stay with users, who can rent them for 40 euros a month, half of which can be subsidized by their employers.
• In Antarctica, around 1% of the continent is permanently ice and snow free, and have been that way for almost 2 million years.
• Ring shaming FB groups are a thing. Women shame their fiances for the lousy ring they bought.
• 99% of the hydrogen and helium in the solar system is in the sun.
• NASA just smashed the record for the fastest human-made object. Its Parker solar probe (pictured) is now flying past the sun at 213,200 mph.
• The 1993 McLaren F1 set a speed record of 231 mph, which it held for 11 years.
• 25% of Canadians consider it "blasphemy" to put pineapple on pizza. (Not me!)

Small things 3 Nov

• In Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace end credits, Jabba the Hutt is credited as himself.
• I love cooking with organic tear gas. Or as you might know it - onions.
• I before E. Except when your foreign neighbour Keith received eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
• Candles are how we keep fires as pets.
• Vampires couldn't see their reflections because mirrors used to be backed with a layer of silver, which was considered a pure metal. So it didn't interact with vampires. Modern mirrors have aluminum backing, so vampires can see their reflections now.
• Me: There's a large rat in the men's bathroom. Barista: ? Me: There's a Venti rat in the bathroom.
• When the insurance company asks you to send front, side and rear views, they mean of your damaged car, not of you....
• Of course Apple is the first trillion dollar company. Have you seen how flimsy their lightning cords are?

The first rule of online shopping

Breakfast with my other family

[Update: I'm re-posting this with edits due to the fact that word got out that my favourite place in the greater Calgary area to eat breakfast is barely getting by. If you want a meal like your grandma would make - go! Soon! While there's still a place to go to]

Sometimes when I go out for breakfast, I feel like family. I certainly get treated like family. You know how sometimes you go to someone’s house for a visit, and they waste no time at all making you feel at home, to the point of even being mock rude and telling you if you want something that badly, go get it yourself? That’s the kind of place I’m talking about. It takes me 35 minutes to drive here, but I don’t mind at all. I beg Darlene to let us come here at least once a month while the weather’s nice.

This house, out in the country, is home to the Priddis View & Brew Bistro. It's run by an older lady named Lynn. She could just as well be your grandma. Her son helps out too and I don’t know if the cook is related, but she may as well be. The house itself is pure country living. A large porch / patio on the south side, 5 assorted sized tables in the dining room. A separate room with a little cozy sit up counter and a display case with all sorts of baked goods. Little gifts and art and nostalgia hanging all over the place.

If you’ve got the place to yourself, you might get a coffee right away. But what’s more likely is that Grandma is still putting on a fresh pot and you had best just relax and wait. Sometimes I’ll get up once I know the pot is done and grab it and pour a cup for our table and anyone else who needs some. Good luck getting away with that in your average restaurant. Someone will spy me doing their job and jokingly ask if I’m looking for a job. The place is usually filled with friends, cyclists stopping in for a quick java, or first timers who’ve heard about the place, but had to come see it for themselves.

The food. It’s home cooking. Nothing here tastes like it fell of the back of a Sysco food supply truck. It’s made with love and butter and it tastes real. The toast is made from little mini focaccia  loaves. Breakfasts are served with freshly made pan fried potatoes with onion. The bacon is sublime, almost like candy. On Saturday night they cook up a beef tenderloin meal, which we’ve had. It’s great. On Sunday night, they put on a traditional turkey dinner with all the fixings. We tried it the weekend after Thanksgiving once, because we missed the big dinner while returning from vacation. It was awesome!

This place can fill up unexpectedly fast, so you really do need to make a reservation. You especially need a reservation if you're going for dinner, as they only cook enough turkey or beef to meet the needs of who is coming. The name of the place is the Priddis View and Brew Bistro, and it’s in the hamlet of Priddis, Alberta, southwest of Calgary. Do us all a favour and go so this wonderful establishment can stay open at least another year.

Stick figure costume

Geothermal fruit

Here's a guy that is inspiring. He designed and built a low grade geothermal greenhouse system that allows him to grow citrus in Nebraska.

He's 85 years old.

Things I learned lately 3 Nov

• Netflix are very serious about their employees taking vacation. There is no limit to how much vacation you can take and if you don't take them very often, prepare to get spoken to. Netflix wants their workers to be fresh, recharged and happy.
• People spent $38 on unfiltered hot dog water. It's supposed to be Keto diet compatible, promote weight loss, increase brain function, and make you look younger. It was a stunt, but people bought and drank it anyway.
• Only 14% of US adults smoke cigarettes now.
• There are 5,658 km of sidewalks in Calgary.
• Alberta will issue 250 cannabis store licenses in the first year of operation.

Christmas stuff already?

I noticed before the end of September, that some stores had put out Christmas decorations at the same time as Halloween decorations.

In some cases, the decorations were on separate shelves. But in other cases, Christmas stuff was simply stocked 'behind' Halloween stuff. For example, at Winners / Homesense, there were Christmas wreaths on hangers behind Halloween / autumn wreaths.

During week 2 of October, Safeway had put out gingerbread house kits. So, we have Christmas stuff out in late September now.

Can retailers dare go even earlier?

Alternate names for stuff

Milk - cereal water
Gloves - finger pants
Donuts - sugar bagels
Compressed air horn - spray scream
Kleenex - sneeze paper
Camel - sand moose
Bread - raw toast
Back ribs - porksicles
Fries - potato sticks
Sun - space light

Hallowe'en tips

• If you need to stop at the bank, gas station, etc., make sure to take your mask off first.
• Birthday suits are not costumes.
• Slutty anything costumes are out.
• Definitely do NOT go dressed as Brett Kavanaugh. Or Trump.
• Just because you're healthy doesn't mean kids will enjoy Acai smoothies for treats. Not rice cakes either.
• When you go trick or treating, it's not OK to go in their house. Don't ask to use the bathroom.
• If you see large clusters of adults walking up the street, the house that gives out shots can't be far away.
• Yes, the kids' costumes are cute. But ask if you can take a picture first.
• If you don't plan to give out treats, keep your lights off.
• Wanna be the Hallowe'en hero on the block? Triple Power Push Pops. Trust me.

Small things 19 Oct

• My gums only bleed when the hygienist does the flossing. Maybe THEY'RE doing it wrong!!
• Kid Rock looks like Dr Phil dressed up as Kid Rock.
• "Have a nice day" sounds great. "Enjoy the next 24 hours" sounds threatening.
• The next time you're on a bus, just yell, "Hey Siri, play Despacito!" See how many iPhones do it.
• Give the next person who buys your house a quick bit of excitement. Get a dollar store skeleton and bury it in a shallow grave in your garden.
• I know some people who, if they had a rock climbing wall installed on the wall leading up their stairs, they would take the wall. Every. Time.
• The US needs to add Guam, PR and DC as states. Then there would be 53 states. 53 is a prime number. Then the US can truly be "One nation, indivisible...."
• Do a Google search 'cats eating corn on the cob'. I have no words.

Where did THIS guy come from?

If you like jazz, soul, or just straight up good music, watch this NPR Music Tiny Desk concert video, featuring the smooth guitar of Tom Misch.

It's even better sounding than his studio stuff if you ask me.

Whoa

This kind of stretch of road paint job is what Canadian police will be using to look for stoned drivers......

Things I learned lately 19 Oct

• In 1875, Los Angeles was a town of around 8,000 people, and there were no palm trees. The palm trees were added to make people want to buy land in southern California, but it wasn't LA's developers or planners who came up with the idea, it was the French.
• Seattle has banned plastic straws. 1st major city in America to do so.
• You should avoid charging a lithium ion phone battery to 100%, avoid keeping it charging once at 100% and try not to let the battery get below 20%. In fact, the higher a charge you can maintain on the battery the better. As in, keep it above 50% if practical.
• Microbeads are now banned from toiletries in Canada.
• Calgary and London (UK) are almost on the same latitude.
• Dalhart Texas is closer to the state capitols of New Mexico, Oklahoma, Colorado, Kansas, Nebraska and Wyoming than it's own state capitol.
• US states with highest restaurants per capita. Alabama: 6.3 per 10,000 people. Nebraska: 5.4. West Virginia: 5.3. Oklahoma: 5.3. Tennessee: 5.2. Indiana & DC: 5. Georgia & Missouri & South Carolina: 4.9.
• Stockholm's Triwa watch company make some of their watch bands out of recycled plastic, and a limited line of watches out of melted down illegal firearms (pictured).
• Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has 1478 adult detention centres across the US. That doesn't include Customs and Border Protection (CBP) facilities near the Mexican border.
• Young Trump staff can't get dates because everyone hates them.

Curry on.....

Also, they are Canadian

Amazing cover of Ed Sheeran's 'Shape of You' by Walk off the Earth.

Very percussive and uses a lot of unusual instruments.

Small things 12 Oct

• When the teacher walks up to you during an exam and looks at your paper then announces "Hey everyone please make sure you read the questions carefully...."
• Whenever a fairly large store closes between July and October, Spirit Halloween executives must be all like "YESSS!!"
• To think that once upon a time, I used to stand very still, for what seemed like hours on end, in the blazing sun, waiting for a man wielding a stick to walk up to me, and decide whether my uniform looked OK or not.
• There are folks out there who think Hawaiian pizza is an abomination. More for me I guess.
• A guy put pics of him and his new bride as backgrounds on his cheques, so he could pay his alimony to his ex-wife with them.
• In Florida, a man broke INTO prison to hang with his friends.
• Why when people are giving you change do they insist on trying to balance the coins on top of the bills? They should put the coins in the cup of your hand first, then add the bills.
• In the days after the light bulb was installed, moths must have gone crazy.
• Imagine if Jessica Biel named one of her kids "Batmo".....

Scooter!

On our recent trip to San Diego, I witnessed a very new phenomenon that wasn't even a thing just one year earlier. Dockless electric scooters for rent.

There are currently two competing companies offering electric scooters, Lime and Bird. First, you get the app for the appropriate scooter company, connect it to your credit card, then you just need to find a scooter. Based on what I saw, that won't be much of an issue, especially in commercial and tourist areas. Where we stayed in Pacific Beach, scooters by both brands were parked in front of restaurants, stores, bars, hotels and other random places along heavily trafficked pathways and sidewalks.

In the case of Lime, It's $1 to unlock the scooter with the app, then $0.15 per minute of riding. So if you grabbed one and took it for a 30 minutes cruise around, you'd get billed $5.50. The charge would be the same on a Bird scooter.

These scooters go almost 15 mph (almost 24 km/h) and have a range of anywhere between 20 and 37 miles (32 - 59 km). You're supposed to wear a helmet while riding, but I never saw that, likely because the majority of folks using them were tourists. Who carries a helmet with them? Watching people go zipping by on the beach pathway, I noticed that adding these scooters to the equation can make things tricky, considering that there are spots where walkers, joggers, runners, skateboarders, bikes and now electric scooters are trying to share the path. I saw folks who didn't quite know how to ride them safely and saw a few examples of people riding two per scooter, which doesn't look very safe.

There has understandably been some backlash about these scooters in some places. But there are more places embracing them than banning or vandalizing them. In the case of Lime, they're ubiquitous in many California and Massachusetts cities, as well as the expected Seattle, New York, Chicago, Denver, etc. They have also partnered with a lot of universities in the US to increase mobility for students around campus. Bird aren't in quite as many cities, but they're growing and have also partnered with several universities.

You can earn money charging scooters too. Since they're left where they are once they run out of juice, someone has to get them and recharge them. You can sign up to be a charger and they'll sell you a charger unit. Then, you use the app to find out where the dead ones are and bring them to your home (using your own vehicle). Then you charge them and then take the charged scooters to wherever they feel they're needed and drop them off. Based on what I've seen, you get roughly $8 for every scooter you charge. It takes roughly 4 hours to charge a scooter. One guy bought 8 chargers for $40 and was making a few hundred bucks on the side. The trick is, you won't see a lot of dead scooters before 9:00 pm and you have to have them back on the street (where they tell you) by 7:00 am if you want to get paid. Bird pays $5 per scooter.

The pine's always gotta be different...

Things I learned lately 12 Oct

• In the 3rd quarter of 2018, Tesla sold 69,925 vehicles in the US. Mercedes-Benz sold 66,542. According to Atherton Research, Tesla was just 1,754 vehicles shy of knocking over BMW. Atherton expects Tesla to surpass BMW in US sales in the 4th quarter of 2018.
• "Journalism is printing what someone else does not want published; everything else is public relations." ~George Orwell
• In Romania they sell vodka in juice boxes with a straw. (pictured)
• Columbia House CDs were special budget pressings that often did not include all of the inserts and booklets that came with the retail copies.
• The price of gas in the UK is 128 pence, or $2.23 per litre.
• Jupiter now has 79 known moons, 12 more than we knew of before. Jupiter's moons are like opposite lanes of a highway. Some moons orbit in the same direction as Jupiter's spin (prograde), and some, farther out, orbit in the opposite direction (retrograde).
• The 3D printed gun that was shown in the Netflix sci-fi series Lost in Space is not science-fiction any more. It exists. And it's legal in the US.
• Content reviewers at Facebook eyeball around 8000 posts a day for around 10 seconds each, trying to determine which ones don't meet community standards.
• It takes 2.1 litres of crude oil to make 1 litre of gasoline.
• Sunscreen lasts about 3 years before it expires.