Get your hand off my ass! I can't.... it's stuck!

Prom outfits made from duct tape.

Red Green would be proud........

Lots to see. Some of them are downright................ adhesive.

Look like bacon..... smell like bacon too!

Do you love bacon? Sure - who doesn't.

So why not get the Uncle Oinker's Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo?

It's baco-riffic!

Same as it ever was......

Canada's new Conservative Heritage Minister is no different than the old Liberal Heritage Minister.

I'll let BoingBoing tell the story as it has unfolded so far.....

Peanut butter disproves evolution

I'm not making this up.

I wish I were.

You have to see the video to believe it.

100 things in 100 days - number 79

79. My favourite drink is Bailey's on ice.

I never really developed a taste for booze. I'm serious. Looking back on my younger days, I guarantee you that's a good thing. If I actually enjoyed the taste of what I was drinking - look out.

Beer - blech! Hard liquor - barely tolerable - had to have lots of mix. No double rum and Cokes for me. Wine - OK, but nothing to write home about. Liqueur - now that's more like it. Creme de Cacao, Kahlua, Grand Marnier, Amaretto, with Bailey's being my liqueur of choice.

If you can't enjoy dessert....... what's the point?

When we go out for dinner, Darlene and I can rarely fit dessert in after a full meal. So tonight we decided to cheat, especially considering that we were at Cheesecake Cafe, one of the places to have dessert. We ordered a small meal to share between the two of us. Then we ordered our favourite dessert at this place - the Banana Split Cheesecake. It's got ice cream. It's got cheesecake pieces. Throw in some bananas, strawberries and pineapple. Pour some Bernard Callebaut chocolate on top of the ice cream so it forms a hard shell. Line the bowl with waffle crisps. Top it off with whipped cream and a couple of cherries. Now that's what I call dessert. If you haven't tried it yet, head to Cheesecake Cafe and share it with your special friend.

Another motivation poster

My latest creation....

Weird Canadian place names

Episode 14 of Great White North II is up on YouTube. Video.ca link.

In this episode, the hosers shine the spotlight on weird place names in Canada.

Like Moose Jaw....

100 things in 100 days - number 80

80. I like pie. Pie pie pie pie pie! (just like Weebl & Bob)

Pie. The perfect dessert. Pumpkin, apple, lemon meringue, pecan, strawberry rhubarb, cherry...... it's all good. Just make sure you've got some vanilla ice cream or cool whip handy.

But it's not just about desserts - no. Tourtière, a Quebec specialty made with ground beef and pork (among other family-secret ingredients), is mighty tasty. Chicken pot pie........ yumm. Jamaican meat pies........ the perfect party food.

If your pee is dark yellow - drink more water....

Avoid alcohol. Take your vitamins. Eggs are bad. Common nutritional advice - but is it true?

2 exercise physiologists weigh in (pun intended) to debunk 10 myths regarding nutrition.

If you can still hear horns - it means you're still alive

Here's a fun video clip about crossing the street in India.

It's like the game Frogger - but in real life!

Multi-tasking....

Absolutely hilarious clip about men at a urinal.

Get rid of it

A site that specializes in how to get rid of stuff.

Inlaws.

Blood stains.

Moths.

Hickies......

100 things in 100 days - number 81

81. I don't like to wear jewelry.

I gave jewelry a chance, honest - I did. In my youth I tried the pendants, the rings, the bracelets. It did nothing for me. The only piece of jewelry I ever liked was a well crafted gold nugget ring that a former girlfriend let me wear (it was an heirloom). When we broke up, I wanted to keep it, but that wasn't going to happen. I even searched in vain for a replacement, but this ring was one of a kind. That ended my affair with jewelry of any kind (I don't count a watch as jewelry). I don't dislike jewelry in general, I just don't like wearing it - it doesn't feel right.

It shocks some people to know that I don't even wear a wedding ring. That's not because I don't want people to know I'm married - I just don't like any kind of jewelry.

Best billboard hack ever!

This site shows more, including the original boards.

The original Zoom Zoom...

If you're a fan of Formula One racing...... or Ferrari cars, this ad, which shows the evolution of Ferrari race cars is quite nice.

I'm back in the saddle again........

The stars have aligned and allowed me to get something for Darlene that I've been wanting to get for her for a while - a scooter. We were out for dinner last Saturday with friends and Darlene and I were admiring a little scooter parked outside the restaurant. Our friends mentioned that they just happened to have a scooter for sale. What a coincidence. They offered us a great deal and it only took me a few days to persuade Darlene that this was a great opportunity to get her a little beastie to boot around on her days off. So by this time next week, we should be the proud owners of a cute little blue and white Honda Jazz scooter.

I did not get it for me, I got it for her.

Of course I get to ride it............................ from time to time.

City hall strikes again

Our city hall has done their ineffective best to move us toward curb-side recycling long after most major cities in Canada have been doing it for many years. Their last announcement regarding the cost to taxpayers caught a few off guard - $21 per month per household. That didn't sit well with some councillors and they rejected the plan. But only recently did it come to light that the $21 was actually broken down to $8 for regular solid recyclables, $9 for organic recyclables and $4 for regular garbage - which used to be covered by our property taxes. So they tried to sneak a $4 fee we were already paying into the mix. Too bad - $17 still sounds better than $21 and now they've pared the proposal down to just the $8 for regular solid recyclables while putting the $4 for regular garbage back into property tax.

Oh - those private companies that have already been offering curb-side recycling to folks willing to pay for the last couple of years? They are not invited to partake in the solution.

Smart.

100 things in 100 days - number 82

82. I have a great sense of direction.

Unlike Darlene, who can barely decipher a map, let alone navigate new territory, I have a great sense of direction.

I have never gotten lost. I have even steered (admittedly basic) Army patrols back on track in the dead of night - and I wasn't even trained to do that. I don't have any special inbred powers per se, I just use my surroundings to great advantage. The sun, moon, stars and landmarks are all I need to maintain awareness of where I am and what direction I'm heading.
Picture by bies.

The safe way to nuke stuff

Put stuff in a microwave - watch what happens. Items include marshmallows, soap, gummy worms, ketchup packets.......

Of course, it's a viral for Easy Mac, but so what? Go nuke some stuff.

Scan this.....

Now this is my idea of a cool door mat.....

And it's made from recycled tires.

The question is..... is the barcode the product's actual UPC? Wouldn't it be funny to see the store employee at the cash try to scan that mother?

Model train orgy

If you're into model railways, have I got some train porn for you......

100 things in 100 days - number 83

83. I like architecture and interior design.

It started in high school - I took technical drawing as an elective. But I lost interest after we were only given bolts and nuts to draw.

I wanted to draw buildings. I drew buildings in my spare time. Whole cityscapes. I fell in love with the European flavoured architecture of downtown Montreal, both the modern and the classical. Montreal has it all. Look at the Olympic Stadium and Habitat. The "Big O" was decades ahead of its time - the main reason it cost so much and barely held together.

My appreciation for good interior design is part of the reason I like visiting lottery prize homes. Of course it's nice to dream, but ask Darlene - I spend most of the visits critiquing the layout and motif. I'm not sure if I have the talent necessary to design anything, but I know what I like.

Did I learn anything?

So, after 2 terms and 22 classes of acting, what did I learn?

I learned that emotion helps the audience identify with and remember a story. I learned that being a good actor requires attention to detail. I learned that miming is difficult, but fun. I found out that there are infinite ways to say something, not just with your voice, but with your body and soul. I discovered how easy it is to get distracted by what is going on around you. I became aware of the concept of space. I learned that acting opposite another actor requires an element of trust, awareness of cues both verbal and not. I figured out that I like improvisation. I explored the concept of communication via non-verbal methods. I learned about status, especially how you can steal it - or how it can be stolen from you in a scene. I discovered how you can create a story just with a look. I learned how fun it is to sculpt other actors and even be sculpted.

I still don't know if I can act, but I do know I have fun trying.

Number 3000

This is the 3000th post to the White Noise blog. Holy crap!!! Time goes by when you're having fun.

First of all, I'd like to thank my readers. You've stayed with me through thick and thin and I appreciate it. Now go tell your friends. Second, I'd like to thank my mom, who used to say to me, "If you keep doing that, your face is going to freeze like that." Thanks to Blogger for making this so easy. Thanks to all the people I ripped off for not suing my ass was inspired by.

And now a special milestone message from Bill Gates:

"Hello blog-o-sphere. Do you see those ads on the right hand side of this blog? If you click them it could mean big money for you. For every time you click one of those ads, I, Bill Gates, will send you $1. Seriously. Don't think I can afford it? Google me........"

Thanks Bill. Well, there you have it. Stay tuned...........

For the first time anywhere............

Rumour has it the acting performance our class did on stage last week was recorded. I have officially asked for a copy. If I get it in time, our group will get to watch themselves this Saturday when they come over for a little actor's shindig (if they so desire). Also, I'll find my part and post it to YouTube for y'all who couldn't make it.

Hell I'll post the whole event if my homeys give me permission...........

Best cartoon seen on another blog lately.....

Thanks Carla.

That made my day.

Just when you thought it was safe to put the shovel away

March in Alberta. The month of the decision....... do I put the shovel away yet or not?

Now of course, we all know the answer is 'no', but when it gets up to 15C (60F) for days in a row, you become easily convinced that the snow is gone for good. But you'd only be fooling yourself.

Tomorrow, the snow is supposed to be back with a vengeance. My shovels are still outside. Maybe that's part of the problem...........

Broaden your horizons....

If you're like me, you probably have a small circle of friends and family with which to draw your impressions of civilization (other than the samplings you see on the news or reality TV). If you have a hankering to meet a larger representation of society - I heartily recommend you sign up and do some business on eBay. You'll meet all kinds of folks.

One the one hand, you'll meet people who are an absolute joy to deal with - who communicate well, do business with a level head and are truly grounded in this reality.

On the other hand, you'll meet folks who cannot comprehend why it costs more to ship from Alberta to Montana (300km away) via Canada Post than it does to ship from LA to NY using USPS. Although these same folks will not hesitate to ask $35 shipping for shoes (which compared to the postage clearly marked on the container actually cost $15). You'll meet those who will buy an item from you with the new clothing tags still physically attached to the item, then trash you with bad feedback, claiming that you sold them used goods. You'll discover people who must be using faulty computers without a scroll bar on the right side of their screen. I base that theory on the fact that folks will ask you questions about an item that are clearly answered (further down the page) in the description. Then there are those who are so flummoxed by the thought of buying something listed with a different currency, that they'll limit themselves to only doing business with those from their own country - even though PayPal easily does the currency conversion for them. You'll happen upon sellers who don't see why photographing their item for sale on an unmade bed, a dirty floor or against a mold-infused bathroom tile wall is a bad idea. And finally, you'll meet eBayers who sit by their computers, logged into eBay 18 hours a day, who wait until the last hour of an auction to ask questions about shipping - then get all upset that you didn't answer their question before the auction ended. Or they freak because you didn't send them an invoice within 30 milliseconds of their winning the item (we have lives you know).

If I was a........

It's not the best meme I've ever participated in, but what can I say........ "baa.... aaaaah!"

If I was an hour of the day... I would be the hour between sunset and the end of dusk
If I was a planet... I would be............ Planet!? Who comes up with this crap?
If I was a direction... I would be straight up
If I was a piece of furniture... I would be a bean bag chair
If I was a liquid... I would be Bailey's Irish Cream
If I was a sin... I would be pride
If I was a rock... I would be pyrite
If I was a tree... I would be a silver maple
If I was a fruit... I would be a pineapple
If I was a flower... I would be a forget-me-not
If I was a climate... I would be semi-arid
If I was a musical instrument... I would be a drum
If I was an element... I would be potassium
If I was color... I would be blue
If I was an animal... I would be a cat
If I was a sound... I would be a wind chime
If I was music... I would be the album 'dark side of the moon'
If I was a music style... I would be ambient
If I was a feeling... I would be 'playfulness'
If I was a book... I would be 'don't sweat the small stuff'
If I was a food... I would be a hamburger
If I was a place... I would have a view
If I was a flavour... I would be cinnamon
If I was a scent... I would be 'pine'
If I was a word... I would be sibilance
If I was a verb... I would be 'play'
If I was an object... I would be a creek
If I was a part of the body... I would be an eardrum
If I was a facial expression... I would be awe
If I was a cartoon character... I would be Snoopy
If I was a movie... I would be The Jerk
If i was a form.. I would be a pyramid
If I was a number... I would be 3
If I was a season... I would be autumn
If I was a sentence... I would be 'go with the flow'

100 things in 100 days - number 84

84. While in the military (as a technician) I once spent a whole month bar tending (paid).

So picture this. We had just come off a couple months away on exercise and were expecting to start our summer vacations. Our boss called us together and announced that he had some bad news. He needed about a dozen volunteers (there were about a dozen of us) to go on another tasking for a whole month. Once we were done, we would be allowed to take our precious summer holidays. Once it had been made clear we had no choice, off we went - to Connaught Ranges on the western outskirts of Ottawa. Our job? To run the two messes (military jargon for bars) in support of a 2 week civilian shooting competition, followed by a 2 week military shooting competition. The mess I was tasked to work at was set up in an old army H-hut that had no real physical security (to secure thousands of dollars worth of booze plus the cash). So someone (me) had to live in the back storage room to guard the stash. My daily job was to bartend. We all took turns taking shifts tending bar. For a month. With our regular pay. And we got to keep any tips. And we got to write off anything we drank as spillage. We were cautioned to take it easy on that. Which we tried to do - honest.

All this H-hut had for tunes was a jukebox in the corner that hadn't seen a song change in over a decade. So, since I was well established as a DJ on the side by now, I borrowed someone's station wagon and drove back to Kingston to pick up my gear and tunes. So for almost the whole time, whenever I wasn't tending bar, I was DJing and passing the hat for some bucks. This got me out of a lot of bar tending shifts, because once I started spinning the tunes, it really sucked for everyone if I couldn't play because I was working. We had girls working at this camp too. So we were not lonely. It gets better.

One night, three of us had a little too much to drink (for free - spillage). I cranked on some tunes after the bar closed and by about 2am we were (literally) swinging from the rafters. It woke up some of the camp guests. It also woke up the camp boss. We were in big trouble. For which we would get severely punished. By working the staff party at the end of our tasking. My buds had to bartend that night. My punishment was to DJ the staff party for free. No hat passing that night. Bummer. It was a rough life.

Eye candy rejected

Hamad Darwish, who created a couple of the Vista desktop images, has made all of his submitted photographs (even the rejects) available for download in high-resolution.

Never give up..... never

I am not a basketball fan. I just don't watch the game. But you have to give props to this comeback by Barton over Winona St. One of the best minutes in the history of sports. Winona supposedly had a 40+ game win streak on the line, dating back to the 05-06 season.

If I had my own radio station - Royksopp

Northern Europe continues to churn out unique music. Such as the group Royksopp. This Norwegian group is known for their downtempo brand of electronica. I would put them in the same league as Nightmares on Wax, or Air.

It all starts with their first full-length album, Melody A.M. I find some of the lesser tracks on this album a little abrasive, but they are few and far in between. It’s hard to find an electronica album that has enough varied and competent material to make owning it worthwhile, versus waiting for the stand-out song to make it onto the latest compilation album, but Melody A.M. is one of the exceptions. Beauties like Sparks, with its organic and soulful synth groove make it all worthwhile. Poor Leno has a cool video, but before having seen the imagery in it, I used to imagine a convertible screaming down the coast highway in California through Big Sur. She’s So is like the love child of Pink Floyd and Jean Michel Jarre, both of which I am a huge fan of – so that’s a good thing. Remind Me has a very Parisien feel to it - the kind of tune you'd expect to back up a program about touring France.

Royksopp released a new album in 2005, The Understanding. This is a new sound for the duo, very Euro-dance club. It’s not bad, but it seems to draw too much inspiration from others that have gone before, rather than forging new territory. 49 Percent will be trotted out as the first single, which will do well in the dance clubs - but was deleted from my playlist within a few weeks - it just seemed too indulgent. Alpha Male starts off as another Jarre-esque piece, but then the jets come on after a two and a half minute build up (not to worry - the tune is eight minutes long). What Else is There is a return to older form, with a nice Bjork-like vocal thrown in for good measure. Someone Like Me and Beautiful Day Without You round out the other high points of this latest work by Royksopp.

Where is it - Edition 19

Greetings geographiles.

You know the rules - name the city.

Click the image for a larger version.

100 things in 100 days - number 85

85. I download music - it's the only way to discover anything good.

Considering how limiting, predictable and unimaginative local radio is - especially where I live, downloading music from the internet is the only way to discover anything different. There's just so much great music out there that I find my playlist has become very dynamic. The stuff I really like, I do end up buying. But I'm very wary about buying a CD that won't let me rip the contents so I can listen to my music on my mp3 player. Considering that I bought over 600 music CDs, and countless more vinyl albums and 45rpm singles before that during my life, I think I've given my share to the music industry. It's payback time.

What's it really like to use Ubuntu?

30 days with Linux is a well written article describing a user's adventure with Ubuntu Linux (my favourite of all the distributions). I'd say it's a good indicator of what most peoples' experience with Ubuntu will be like. Very well done.

If you're too bored to read the whole article, at least be sure to skip to the conclusion at the end.

Childhood beliefs

A web site devoted to peoples' admissions of things they used to believe as a child. Sample:

I used to believe that I could make a laser by putting more batteries in a flash light.

Brilliant.

Things about your skin

20 things you didn't know about your skin. Excerpt:

Your skin sheds 50,000 cells every minute.

The key is hot water

A 10 day survival pack to stow in your car that costs $25 to make.

Not a bad article all in all.

Warning - metal boob alert

If you like the bio-mechanical art stylings of H.R. Giger, then you'll like these sculptures by Pierre Matter.

100 things in 100 days - number 86

86. I prefer paying cash.

I use my credit card only to pay for things that I don't have enough cash on hand for. With very few exceptions, we don't use credit to buy anything that we don't already have the money in the bank for. I have Darlene to thank for that wonderful habit. So why no debit? I find paying cash faster. I like having cash on me. I guess I'm old fashioned that way.

More Great White North II available

I put up two episodes of The Great White North II today (12 and 13). It's a twofer, eh? Video.ca links: 12 and 13. (5034 views to date)

13 episodes.......... that's like a whole season, right? Sorry - no cliff hangers.

100 things in 100 days - number 87

87. One of my high school friend's mom dated William Shatner.

In the interest of protecting Bill's privacy, I will not divulge who this is. Sorry to disappoint. Moving on.

I always thought my Dad looked a bit like Bill. Which means I'm probably starting to look a bit like Bill too.

Not safe for work.... even though it's artistic

I know it's kind of late to be flaunting a calendar, but this one is very cheeky - and it's made just for the ladies (well... mostly I guess). It's the 2007 Assberta calendar. I'm not making it up.....

So what if the first 3 months of the year are over (assuming you're reading this in March)...... just buy it for the pictures!

Yes, Darlene bought one.

Making paper from a pooper (say that out loud at work)

Paper made from different kinds of poop. Elephant poop. Sheep poop.

It doesn't smell. So they say.

You know how that goes, right?

Billy! Quit torquing your vegetables.....

Is this the neatest place setting you could ever put on your dinner table or what?

100 things in 100 days - number 88

88. I'm very ticklish.

No - really. Like, insanely ticklish. There are times when you can't even get near me and I'm already breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Foot massages are out of the question.

It's a real handicap. I should get to park in those spots.

My nomination for word of the year - meh

It never really dawned on me that there are a lot of folks who don't know the meaning of the word meh. I first heard it while I was still teaching IT and heard it used by the younglings. The word just felt so right and seemed so perfect in typical context, I adopted it instantly. But one time I used it on Darlene, she looked at me like I was from Mars.

So for those of you who have yet to come across this totally appropriate word, or don't know what it means, I direct you to this article. Excerpt:

Meh means rubbish. It means boring. It means not worth the effort, who cares, so-so, whatever. It is the all-purpose dismissive shrug of the blogger and messageboarder. And it is ubiquitous.

Canned heat

My parents went to 3 Mile Island and all I got was this can of radiation.......