Why didn't we deliver your package? Uh, we didn't want to become a meal

 

Small things 29 Jul

• I could sure go for a choco taco right now…
• Did you hear about the Transformer that was feeling the heat of summer? He decided to change into a tank top.
• Hey NBCNews, let’s throw up all the great photos from the James Webb telescope and only give NDGT 5 minutes to speak to them, then cut him off. [slow clap]
• I have a bag of air guitar strings if anyone wants to buy them.
• “Yeah, I pretty much never sit by the pool anymore.” ~Marco Polo
• You don’t learn if you can’t change your mind. You can’t change your mind if you surround yourself with like-minded people. But it’s comfortable. This is why social media is so popular. You get to surround yourself with fans, but no critics.
• "The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men" ~Plato, The Republic
• I don't even know what the snooze button feels like.
• Ever sell your soul to the devil and then a couple days later he wants to give it back, no questions asked?
• Millennial at work: “How do I unsubscribe from my boss’s emails so I don’t get them anymore?”
• The sound of flip flops. Or as I like to call it, the soundtrack of Walmart.
• Early is always better than on time.
• Oh you want OCD? My wife and I unpack our suitcases within minutes of getting home from a trip.
• Remember the Windows phone? How about the Blackberry Storm? Amazon Fire phone?

Oh, California, I'm coming home

Joni Mitchell performs one of her classic songs playing only the dulcimer.

This is what music used to be like once upon a time.

Also, how about that surprise appearance by Joni at the Newport Folk Festival last weekend?

Did I hear a wrapper?

 

Tired of the Marvel universe yet?

Well, get ready for Phase 5

Here are the newly announced shows and movies:

• Secret Invasion - Spring 2023 (On Disney+)
• Loki Season 2 - Summer 2023 (On Disney+)
• Echo - Summer 2023 (On Disney+)
• Blade - November 3, 2023 (In theaters)
• Ironheart - Fall, 2023 (On Disney+)
• Agatha: Coven of Chaos - Winter 2023/2024 (On Disney+)
• Captain America: New World Order - May 3, 2024
• Daredevil: Born Again - Spring 2024 (On Disney+)
• Thunderbolts - July 26, 2024 (In theaters)

Here are the previously announced shows and movies:

• I Am Groot - Release date: August 10, 2022 (On Disney+)
• She-Hulk: Attorney at Law - Release date: August 17, 2022 (On Disney+)
• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Release date: November 11, 2022 (In theaters)
• The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special - Release date: December 2022 (On Disney+)
• Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - Release date: February 17, 2023 (In theaters)
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - Release date: May 5, 2023 (In theaters)
• The Marvels - Release date: July 28, 2023 (In theaters)
• What if...? Season 2 - Release date: early 2023 (On Disney+)
• X-Men ‘97 - Release date: 2023 (On Disney+)
• Marvel Zombies - Friday, Jun 21, 2024 (On Disney+)
• Spider-Man: Freshman Year - Release date: 2024 (On Disney+)

And the so far unscheduled shows and movies: 

• Armor Wars (On Disney+)
• Deadpool 3 (In Theaters)
• Untitled Wakanda Series (On Disney+)
• Untitled Shang-Chi sequel (In theaters)
• Untitled Wonder Man series (On Disney+)
• Untitled mutants movie (In theaters)

Socialist birthday cakes

 

Things I learned lately 29 Jul

• Germans are taking advantage of a summer of cheaper travel. A €9-a-month ticket scheme introduced from June 1st allows travel on ALL modes of city and regional transport. The ticket will be available for 3 months until the end of August. This will cost the government €2.5 bn as it will pay the shortfall in income to transport companies, and give a refund to commuters who already bought full priced season tickets. The cost of the ticket is a fraction of the normal cost of travel, amounting to at least 1/6th of the price of the cheapest monthly ticket available for Berlin’s central zones. This is in response to rising energy prices and is intended to offer everyone from commuters and weekend trippers who might normally choose to take the car, the chance to check out the benefits of public transport.
  
  
  
• On an iPhone 8 or later, after pressing side buttons together on both sides of the phone a new screen appears, and soon, a countdown begins and an alert sounds. If no action is taken, a 911 call is triggered. This sequence of events often happens accidentally when iPhones are squeezed into cupholders. As a result, unintentional 911 calls are being placed by unwitting iPhone users.
• The economies of the world visualized. 
• The band Styx formed 50 years ago.
• GM plans to invest $35 billion in electric and autonomous vehicles by 2025. It plans to have manufacturing capacity for 1 million EVs a year and intends to launch over 30 EV models by 2025. It is also building EV trucks for FedEx and Walmart under their Brightdrop brand.
• If you ‘super-cool’ your house with your A/C overnight, getting the temperature below the normal setting, your A/C has much less work to do during the day, because you’ve removed a lot of heat from the structure and objects in your house, turning it into a huge heat sink.

What we really really want

There are some people in this world that don't want self driving cars. What they really want is boring stuff like:

• Crosswalks that are safe
• Residential streets that favour everything BUT cars
• Bike lanes on at least some busy streets that are physically separated from car lanes
• Public transit that comes so regularly that you don't need to check a schedule
• Buses that don't have trouble getting up a hill in the winter
• Fast passenger rail so accessible and easy that it's preferable to suffering airports

The precursor to internet cats

 

James Webb meme

I’m loving the new memes based on the latest James Webb Telescope imagery. 

This is my favourite so far.

Cyclops isn't a joke

 

Things I learned lately 22 Jul

• If you’re experiencing ‘summer cold’ symptoms right now, there’s a very good chance you’re infected with Covid. The numbers would be higher if people with and without symptoms got tested.
• Chipotle permanently closed an outlet in Maine where the employees voted to unionize.
• The EU is mandating Intelligent Speed Assist (ISA) in all new cars made after July 2022.
• You can buy a (base) Chevy Bolt electric car right now for $35,000.
• As of 2013, the largest wind farm running in Alberta is the massive Halkirk Wind Project in east-central Alberta. Located near the village of Halkirk in east-central Alberta, this project consists of 83 turbines, each capable of generating 1.8 MW of power.
  
  
  
• In 1979, Jean-Michel Jarre entered the Guinness Book of World Records for having the largest number of spectators ever at an open-air concert. It was held at Place de la Concorde in Paris, and drew more than a million people. In 1986, his live performance ‘Rendez-vous Houston’ was attended by nearly 1.5 million people. Thus, he entered the Guinness Book of World Records again by breaking his previous record. He broke the record once again in 1990, when his concert Paris La Defense was attended by 2.5 million. In 1997 Jean-Michel Jarre was hired by the mayor of Moscow to put on a sensational show in celebration of Moscow’s 850th anniversary. Attendance surpassed expectations, with over 3.5 million audience members flocking to see the concert.
• Mickey Rooney was married 8 times. He appeared in more than 300 films in a career that spanned 9 decades.
• An iconic landmark in Montreal that everyone I know from back home has visited at least once, is the 60 foot orange ball of a food joint known as Orange Julep on Decarie. This article tells a bit of its history, much of which I did not know. 

People who should not own cars

 

Small things 15 Jul

• Isn't it funny how some people feel the need to cut the faces out of pictures of people they had a falling out with?
  
  
  
• Supposedly 23% of the crew aboard the Santa Maria were named Juan. That's almost a three to juan ratio.
• It's all fun and games until someone loses a tooth. Then it's hockey.
• If you ever lose your cat, just go through a lot of trouble to make and print 'lost cat' posters to put on telephone poles and I guarantee the cat will wonder what you're doing from wherever they are and walk up to you as you're putting up the last poster.
• The look a dog gives you when you fake throw a ball. “Like, why would you even do that master?”
• A cat owner gave their chunky cat a nickname. Thiccaroni with cheese.
• Am I the only one who is weirded out by both the look and sound of frozen juice exiting the frozen juice can?
• I do try to return my shopping cart to the collection area before I leave a store, but OMG - Costco puts their cart collection spots like 500 metres from any random spot in the lot.

Just call us, OK?

 

Art predicts life

One of the most incredible stories of the late 1970s was Three Mile Island. The movie The China Syndrome had just come out, starring Jane Fonda. It was about an American nuclear power plant that had an accident that almost led to complete meltdown. The movie was met with backlash from the nuclear power industry's claims of it being "sheer fiction" and a "character assassination of an entire industry". They claimed it could never happen.

In the most bizarre case of art predicting life, 12 days later, there was a very similar accident at Three Mile Island in Dauphin County, Pennsylvania.

Three Mile Island was a turning point in the global development of nuclear power. From 1963 to 1979, the number of reactors under construction globally increased in almost every year. Following the event, the number of reactors under construction in the US declined from 1980 to 1998. In total, 51 US nuclear reactors were canceled between 1980 and 1984.

Ceci n'est pas une lune

 

Shy bladder - it's a thing

There is a serious problem some people have that makes going anywhere outside the home for any length of time a challenge. The reason it's a challenge is because these people have paruresis, also known as shy bladder syndrome. People with this phobia are unable to urinate in the real or imaginary presence of others. Public restroom? Not happening. Just hearing someone outside a stall or in the same room is enough to prevent this person from being able to relieve themselves. Even in a closed bathroom, the thought of someone on the other side of the door waiting, especially a stranger, is enough to keep the tap closed.

Imagine what living with syndrome would be like. It would be impossible to go out for a lengthy shopping excursion, then a meal, or vice versa, because that's too long away from a safe, private bathroom. A day-long road trip would be excruciating, unless there was an opportunity for a safe, private bathroom with no chance of interruption. I know of situations where a person with paruresis would try to use the bathroom at a gas station and need their partner to guard the door so that they could pee. Taking a flight somewhere is difficult because peeing on the plane is definitely a no-go with the flight crew just outside the door most of the time, and airport bathrooms are the furthest thing from private. Even the private bathrooms are always at risk of someone knocking on the door or just standing outside. If someone with a shy bladder can hear or even imagine that someone could be just outside the door, it's just not going to be a success. So try holding it in for an hour drive to the airport, the hour to get through security, an hour wait at the gate, a 4 hour flight, then get through the arrival airport, getting a rental car and driving to a hotel. It would be painful. And yet, this is an unspoken problem that some people have all the time.

I personally think hotels could band together to help with this problem. People with paruresis would likely have no qualms having to pay to use a truly private bathroom for 5 or 10 minutes without interruption. Hotels could offer to use empty rooms, or even build a few private bathrooms somewhere in the hotel for this purpose and charge money to use them. If this were available, shy bladder syndrome sufferers would be able to make pit stops at any hotel that offered them a chance of relief. Hotels could indicate that they have such facilities / opportunities for people with paruresis by using a universal 'P' symbol on their sign and website as a friendly welcome to those needing to empty their bladder.


Hotel operators. I'm talking to you. Let's give travellers their freedom back by giving them somewhere to go to the bathroom in private.

Lazy?

 

You know you're lazy when you can't even be bothered to remove the packaging from a door stop.

Things I learned lately 15 Jul

• Dragonflies are also some of the insect world's most efficient hunters, catching up to 95% of the prey they pursue.
  
  
  
• An approximately 2,000 year old red cedar was found in a remote area of North Vancouver, measuring 4.8 metres wide.
• The Calgary Stampede set a parade attendance record this year (2022) with over 300,000 people watching along the route.
• On Mars, sound only travels at 240m/s versus 340m/s on earth. Also, because of the thin atmosphere, sound doesn’t travel very far. So, I guess no echoes across valleys.
• The difference between million and billion is more than we think. To put it in perspective, 1 million seconds is about 12 days while 1 billion seconds is equivalent to 31.7 years.
• "Twelve Plus One" is an anagram of "Eleven Plus Two".
• 16⁰C and 28⁰C reversed are equal to their Fahrenheit value. 16C is 61F and 28C is 82F.
• The only artist to ever have 5 albums in the US Top 20 at the same time is Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass.

American cities

Oregon isn't just a state:

There is an Oregon in IL, WI, and OH

More examples:

• Washington PA
• Idaho Springs CO
• Idaho City ID
• Kansas City MO
• Kansas OK
• Nevada IA
• Nevada TX
• Nevada MO
• Colorado City AZ
• Colorado City TX
• Wyoming MI
• Wyoming MN
• Wyoming OH
• Wyoming PA
• Nebraska IN
• Florida NY
• Alabama NY
• Missouri City TX
• Indiana PA
• Michigan City IN
• Vermont IL
• Maine NY
• New Hampshire OH
• Delaware OH
• Maryland NY
• Alaska PA
• Alaska MI

I am an ex-terminator

 

Small things 8 Jul

• Women in the US are considering declaring themselves corporations to force the Supreme Court to grant them rights as people.
• I wonder what would happen if more people voted for Patrick Brown as the next PC leader even though he’s been ‘disqualified’?
• If only protesters in Ottawa were concerned with things that are truly important. Things like the erosion of our healthcare system. The number of homeless people and those living in poverty. The growing gap between the rich and the poor. Racism. Gender inequality. Climate change. No, let’s die on the hill that is vaccines and (mostly lifted) health restrictions designed to protect the public. Selfish, ignorant and hopeless. Jesus would be proud.
• American Clue would be like, “[insert suspect here] did it in the [insert random room here] with an [AR-15].”
  
  
  
• When you empty a bag of sugar into a container. It’s never completely empty. You can always hear more grains of sugar falling out every time you move the bag. It’s like a portal to another dimension.
• Cashier: That’s $25.25. Me:”If man is still alive. If woman can survive.” Blank stares all around me.
• His boss arrived at work driving a Range Rover. He said, “That’s a nice car, boss.” His boss said, “If you work hard, put in the hours and strive for excellence, I might get another one next year.”
• Aren't both Testaments old by now?

When you just want to play your guitar but your dad is that guy from Pink Floyd

 

The Who tribute

Tenacious D, the band for which Jack Black makes up one full half of, released this fun yet also brilliant tribute to The Who.

I mean, who better to do a tribute of a classic rock band than the band who epitomized the tribute?

Once you get old you start realizing you’re ordering way too much food

 

Things I learned lately 8 Jul

• Paul McCartney is 80!
• The Perseverance rover on Mars gets around. On February 5, 2022, just shy of the one-year anniversary of its landing on the red planet, Perseverance traveled 806 feet, breaking the record for distance traveled in one Martian day (Sol).
• Rick Moranis, of SCTV and Ghostbusters fame, went to elementary school with Geddy Lee of the rock band Rush.
• The largest automobile assembly plant in the world is Volkswagen's Wolfsburg plant, at 6,500,000 square metres of floor space. In comparison, the Tesla Gigafactory 1 in Nevada has 200,000 square metres of floor space. A typical Costco is 13,000 square metres, so you could fit 500 Costco warehouse stores in that Wolfsburg plant.
• The song Danger Zone, the song that features in Top Gun was not written by, nor originally intended to be performed by Kenny Loggins. Acts that might have sung on the track include Toto, Jefferson Starship and Corey Hart.
• Iquitos Peru (pop. 377,609) is the largest city in the world that cannot be reached by road.

Small things 1 Jul

• Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have broken ribs. ~David Letterman
  
  
  
• Remember when you would just nonchalantly stare off into the distance with that devil-may-care attitude while you pumped gas? You hardly paid any attention to the cost at all?
• My new neighbour delivers for FedEx. I work in a city that is a 40km drive away from my home. Turns out, his delivery area is right where I work. Ha!
• Me: I am sooo hungry. Horse: *nervously* How hungry?
• You've heard of alphabet soup? Get ready for times new ramen.....
• Mansplaining: correctile dysfunction
• Better hope life doesn't give you onions. Onionade is not good.
• Chickens are birds. Birds evolved from dinosaurs. Dinosaurs probably tasted like chicken.
• Speak as if you are right, but listen as if you are wrong.
• Gay cats would find it hard to come out of the closet, because in a few minutes they'd want right back in again.
• Don't think of the act of making art as selfish. It's for the rest of us. If you don't do your thing, you are cheating the rest of us.

Strong people lift others up

 

How do you buy a car at the worst time in the history of car buying?

I already own a car. It's over 9 years old and it has over 340,000 kilometres on it. Probably because it was a first model year car, it had a few problems, so it has cost me more money in unexpected repairs than I would have liked. Did I mention it has over 340,000 km? The last set of unexpected repairs was costly enough that I was starting to consider how much longer this car was going to be reliable enough to get me to work and back every weekday. Never mind cost effective enough.

So I started assembling a candidate list of 'next car' in case I got the green light from the finance minister of the household, my darling wife Darlene. The plan was to buy our next vehicle without going into debt, because being as close as we are to retirement, we don't want any debts hanging over our heads anymore. So, in March 2022, we went car shopping. [sigh] Like I need to tell you guys, this is the absolute worst time in history to go car shopping. We just felt it was necessary to see what was out there and begin to narrow down the field.

Used cars are the worst possible option, as their average value has been inflated by as much as 35% over book because of lack of supply. It has gotten so bad that the moment you even hint that you might be selling your used car, the vultures are hovering at your door trying to wrestle it out of your hands. 

We also knew that getting a new car was not going to be a quick, painless process, because the chip shortage and supply chain issues has plagued the vehicle manufacturing system, especially in Asia. So we knew this was going to take a while. May as well start now.

My candidate list was made up of both cars and small SUVs. When we got to our first dealership, we realized right away that a regular car wasn't going to work for us anymore. Darlene and I are getting older now, and that means the body's not as flexible as it used to be. Getting in and out of a low riding sedan was not fun, especially for her. Well, there was half of the candidate list eliminated.

Next we tried some SUVs. The primary consideration for choosing a solid contender was Darlene's seating comfort. She has fibromyalgia and if the passenger seat can't be adjusted to the right angle to get pressure points off of her thighs, it's a non starter. Manual adjustment isn't likely to cut it, it has to be power adjustable. We tried the only Honda SUV that would meet our needs and she couldn't get it to 'fit'. (LOL see what I did there? Honda 'fit'?) The CR-V didn't pass muster, and I was kind of relieved because I'm not a big fan of it anyway. That's when we said goodbye to Honda and moved on.

I had the Mazda CX-30 in mind as the one I wanted at the top of my list, but I knew it would be a hard sell as the passenger seat was not power adjustable. But we tried it. No go. But I didn't give up on Mazda just yet. I got her to try a CX-5. She was able to get the seat where she needed it. Success after only 4 tries! Now for the next question, would I want this for my next vehicle? It was time to take it for a long test drive.

I loved it. Even though it was the non-turbo version, it had enough power. It was slightly bigger than what we need but didn't feel like a boat, like some other SUVs I've sat in. It was well appointed and I was familiar enough with the model to know which trim level I would want. So, we made the decision to go for it.

We picked our colour, we scored a few discounts, we put down our deposit, and were told it would be about 6 weeks, maybe more, to get the car. LOL. I almost believed that for a minute. Thank goodness we didn't actually 'need' the car at this point. I feel sorry for anyone who needs a new car right now, because there's really no such thing as 'right now' anymore. Some folks are being told 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, maybe you'll get the next year's model by the time you actually see a car. This is because the supply shortage is doing such a number on the manufacturing line, that some manufacturers are considering shutting down all 2022 production, letting supply build up again, then restarting the factory on 2023 models instead. Seriously folks, it's a jungle out there.

At one point, after around the middle of May, almost 8 weeks after the order was placed, I called my sales guy for an update. He said that the situation with dealer allocations of finished cars had not improved, so be ready not to see a car before July. Disappointing, but what can you do?

Then, at the beginning of June, I got a call from my sales guy. He wanted to know if we were willing to accept a colour other than the one we had chosen, a nice deep, dark metallic blue, which had been chosen by Darlene. I said that it would depend on what colour they were offering. He offered machine grey metallic. This was secretly my first choice. I asked Darlene if she would be OK with it and she was. So we switched colour. The salesperson said that the blue was not being made very much anymore so allocations in that colour were now rare, and were looking like they could take months to appear. But the new colour choice would give us our car much sooner. We had no idea how soon.

2 weeks later, almost to the day, I get a phone call telling me our car is at the dealership. We picked it up two days later.

So all in all, we waited 3 months for a new car. And I consider that very, very fortunate compared to the horror stories I had been hearing. I was also worried that the dealership would pull a fast one and dramatically inflate the price of the vehicle when it arrived, but they did not. The price had gone up, but only by $400, and we got an upgraded stereo for that extra money. No complaints here.

So now our original car is my daily driver to keep from racking up the mileage on the new vehicle. Once that car no longer becomes practical, we won't have to wait 6 months to get its replacement.

Sam got this...

 

Total rebrand

Kraft has changed the name of their Macaroni & Cheese boxed product to... Kraft Mac & Cheese.

Canadians: You know it as Kraft Dinner, or KD. I'm not convinced though, KM&C just doesn't quite roll off the tongue.

I hope they didn't pay too much for that radical name change.

She asked for a new mixer for the kitchen

Mission accomplished.

Things I learned lately 1 Jul

• According to recent polls, Jean Chretien is the most popular modern Canadian Prime Minister.
• Some people pronounce wi-fi as 'wiffy'.
  
  
  
• Those fancy toothpastes don’t grow more enamel for your teeth. What they do is re-mineralize them. What toothpaste actually does is push calcium and phosphates back into the tooth, and it hardens the enamel. The secret weapon is good old fluoride. While acid in our saliva and food draws calcium and phosphates out of teeth, fluoride captures the minerals from saliva and forces them back into the tooth.
• Carole King's album Tapestry spent 15 consecutive weeks at number one on the US Billboard 200. To date, Tapestry still holds the record for most consecutive weeks at number one by a female solo artist. The album spent nearly 6 years charting the US Billboard 200 (318 weeks), in which she also spent 302 consecutive weeks. For more than 40 years, Tapestry held the record for the longest charting album by a female solo artist in the US until Adele's '21' broke the record in 2017. In Canada, Tapestry spent 9 weeks at #1, beginning 3 July, 1971.
• Brazil's northernmost point is closer to Canada than to its most southern point.
• The furious guitar playing in The Moody Blues' song 'Question' was the inspiration for the acoustic opening of Heart's 'Crazy on You'.