Small things - 21 Oct

• There may come a day when the highest rated hot dog joint on Yelp will be Costco, if it hasn't come to that already.
• If you're worried that people are reading your thoughts, every once in a while just think 'I know you can hear me...' then just peer around for looks of shock.
• "One man's trash is another man's treasure" is NOT a good way to tell your child they're adopted.
• Toilet: A porcelain device whose purpose depends on whether or not you are really drunk.
• Whenever you see a tire hanging from a tree, do you think "Poor tire. Didn't he realize that life is worth living?"
• If you were ever thinking of committing a crime, just remember, there's no Netflix in prison.