Canadian NAFTA demands

Since the US doesn't have a problem trying to derail the NAFTA talks by making outrageous demands that they know we most certainly will say no to, we should have a little fun at their expense too.

• The US should no longer be allowed to refer to back bacon as 'Canadian bacon'.
• There should be a 200% duty on guns made in America.
• Americans should not be allowed to move to Canada just because they want free health care or access to better skiing conditions. OK, we might be willing to allow that. But no OAS for you!
• Canadian tourists should be able to shop in the US using Canadian dollars at par. We'll be reasonable and only insist on this for a week at most. Twice per year.
• America must refer to 'Kraft Macaroni & Cheese' as 'Kraft Dinner', or 'KD' from here on in.
• The Canadian national anthem must be played at all American hockey games, even if there are no Canadian teams playing. We did invent the game after all.
• A Canadian's health care card (for those 18 years and older) should allow instant access to any legal American marijuana shop without question or restrictions beginning at 4:20 on July 1 2018.
• You want our water? Then you give us your Netflix. And Hulu. And Amazon.com.
• You want our electricity? Then you buy our oil too. And soft wood. No tariffs. And we make America pay for the pipelines.
• No more wearing Canada Goose parkas when it's 50F. California, I'm looking at you. We have a severe shortage up here, which is driving up prices, and you're not helping.