Saturday, April 09, 2016

Best kijiji ad seen this year

Word for word:

Crafted from the fine, rock & roll leather of John Stamos’ leather jacket, this sofa and love seat are what you need to add a touch of sophistication, class, and chic to your living room.

Don’t know what those words mean?
Your friends will be so impressed sitting on these that they won’t even notice. Look at you, adulting all over the place with your charming new sofas, you sexy grown up!

True facts about my couches:

1) both couches are black, which will add a hint of mystery to your home’s ambiance.

2) Chuck Norris said he would have beaten Bruce Lee if he had gotten a better sleep the night before. Should have crashed on my couch, bro.

3) both couches are bullet proof. So if your former partner who double-crossed you and left you for dead comes by looking to finish the job, feel free to dive behind one of these for the slow motion shootout scene. Either sofa will gladly take a bullet for you.

4) both couches have been subjected to over 5000 hours of Netflix, and will never judge you for marathoning your favourite show. When Netflix asks “Are you still watching The Walking Dead?” you can press YES with the utmost confidence, and know that when the zombie apocalypse happens these couches will lay down their lives for you and your family.

5) both couches double as a coin holder. On your way to work and have a craving for Skittles? Reach a hand in there and you are guaranteed to find a quarter to aid in your daily snacking.

6) The love seat is perfect for curling up with your spouse, or a large pizza and two litre of iced tea. Forgot the ranch dressing to dip your crust in? You’re too comfy to care.

7) The sofa is courteous enough to cover you with a blanket when you fall asleep on it, and polite enough to wake you up early enough to get to work.

$600 OBO
Make an offer before Batman claims these for the Batcave.
Not making an offer means the terrorists have won. Why do you hate freedom?

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