Small things 5 July

• I would like to rent an anteater for a couple of days.
• Oh you thought the candidates’ debate was bad? Wait til you see the swimsuit competition.
• How to cook crack and clean a crab. Step one: Use commas.
• The only way to avoid mistakes is to do nothing.
• "Your enemy isn't carrying all their belongings in a plastic bag. Your enemy is carrying an investment portfolio. Wake the f*ck up!"  ~ Liam Cunningham, Irish actor
• Alarm clock n.  A machine that scares the daylights into you.
• The worst feature Facebook ever invented was your memories. I know what happened. I don’t need to be reminded. If I want to revisit them, I have photos.
• Imagine if you could call in to work healthy. I feel great and I don’t want to ruin it.
• People write because no one listens.
• People write because it’s a seemingly sane way to listen to yourself. Talking to yourself out loud doesn’t always go over well.