Small things 1 June

• A möbius strip was sobbing as it walked into a bar. The bartender said, "What's wrong?" The möbius strip said, "Where do I even begin?"
• What do coral get stressed about? Current events.
• I’m not saying that I’m wacky, but let’s just say you better not have a nut allergy.
• The folks who first explained different mushrooms: “This one tastes like beef. This one killed Bob immediately. This one makes you see God.”
• Remember those metal slides in playgrounds that got hot enough under the summer sun to give you a 3rd degree burn? Good times.
• If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
• Ever notice when geese fly in a V formation, one side is always longer than the other? This is because there are more geese on that side.
• I find it funny that the airport constantly reminds you not to leave your belongings unattended, then forces you to surrender your carry-on stuff to a stranger at the security gate.
• My rain sensing wipers will sometimes totally ignore the rain for like a minute, then ramp up to tropical monsoon torrent speed, neither of which is appropriate for the amount of rain falling at that moment.