Small things 24 Nov

• How to weird out your fellow commuters on the train / bus: Make vanilla pudding. Put it in an empty mayo jar. Eat in front of everyone.
• Is fake laughing with a customer a job skill worthy of adding to your CV? Asking for a friend.
• Wear a falconry glove to the off-leash park and frantically look up to the sky for a while. See how long it takes before the small dog owners leave.
• Yes, I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.
• I hate when people say I'm lollygagging when I'm clearly dilly dallying.
• Imagine how awkward it would be to attend your home-schooled class reunion being the only sibling who made anything of themself.
• Once you get old, there’s only 3 places a thing can be: carelessly set down and you can’t remember where; deliberately put somewhere specific and you can’t remember where; you’re holding it and you don’t even realize it.
• The Rocky Horror Muppet Show. I’d watch it.
• Elon has lost his wife, his kids, 40 billion dollars, and his spaceship crashed. It's a genre of country music that doesn't even exist yet.
• Isn’t it fun how perfect strangers will just wave to each other when one of them is on a boat? For absolutely no reason. They're not trying to communicate anything other than "LOOK! I am on a boat! Ahoy!" "Yes, I see you! On the boat! Hello!" [Thanks to Matt Dewald for the inspiration]
• Decades ago, young men put more thought, money and care into their car stereos than their actual car.
• Dumb guy thought the florist was where you went shopping for carpet and lino.
• The internet police should give you a massive fine every time you post something sarcastically without adding /s.