By Ian Hunter [with additional comment by me]
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups - These are the Halloween treats that always get snatched up first. Oftentimes, they don’t even make it to kids’ trick-or-treat bags because parents intercept them first. That’s the true sign of a legitimate Halloween candy banger. [I would rather keep these than give them away]
2. Skittles - Make no apologies if Skittles suddenly disappear from someone’s trick-or-treat bag. In the currency of Halloween candy, Skittles are like gold. “Taste the rainbow” and taste no regret because they’re damn delicious. [Not a fan. You can have ‘em all]
3. Crispy Crunch - Fun fact: unresolved resentment between siblings often stems from which child got the most Crispy Crunch bars as a kid. [I love these]
4. Peanut M&Ms - A very rare instance where the sequel is much better than the original. Peanut M&Ms are like the Terminator 2 of Halloween candy; it makes you wonder why plain M&Ms even exist. [I agree. Plain M&Ms are not relevant]
5. Kit Kat - Don’t be a savage. Just eat the Kit Kat bar one stick at a time and nobody gets hurt.
6. Starburst - The number of calories you burn trying to unwrap these things justifies the calories you’ll consume afterward.
7. Snickers - Snickers are good, but they land outside the Top 5 because “fun-size” Snickers have shrunk down to microscopic size. Next year, they’ll be handed out in pill form.
8. Coffee Crisp - If this is in your Top 10 list, you’re officially old. See you at the curling club, folks. [I guess I’m old, ‘cause they’re in my top 3]
9. Mars Bar - There’s nothing sexy about a Mars bar, but it’s a reliable Halloween candy staple. These things will never let you down.
10. Sour Patch Kids - Don’t act like you’ve never dumped the leftover sugar into your mouth. Your dentist will detest these things, but that’s why you schedule your check-up after December.
11. Oh Henry! - Who’s Henry? Who cares! Just keep bringing us more chocolate.
12. Rockets - In the US, they’re called “Smarties.” It’s never been so satisfying to eat sugar-flavoured chalk.
13. Swedish Berries - A seriously solid gummy option to round out your treat bag.
14. Twix - The only Halloween candy that gets separated from its paternal twin for the enjoyment of others.
15. Wunderbar - Also known as “for God’s sake one of the messiest chocolate bars ever.” Luckily, the sugar high is worth the mess. [Worth the sugar crash. I keep more of these to myself]
16. Caramilk - The Caramilk secret is your siblings already stole these out of your candy bag.
17. Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme - Until people start handing out straight-up sleeves of Oreos, this is the next best thing.
18. Tootsie Rolls - Who hasn’t unrolled half a dozen of these things and pretended like it was a wad of tobacco? Or is that just me? [I can’t lose this visual. But seriously, they be good]
19. Tootsie Pops - It’s just like the poor, lonely sucker, but there’s a payoff at the end in the form of a Tootsie Roll in the middle.
20. Jolly Ranchers - After cracking into a few of these, it’s as if you can feel a cavity being born while your teeth spontaneously combust. Jolly Ranchers are almost worth the potential pain of dental work.
21. Fuzzy Peaches - The closest thing you’ll find resembling an actual fruit on this list. And there’s no fruit in fuzzy peaches.
22. Aero - Aero gets style points for the bubbles, but deductions for filling a chocolate bar with even more air. For shame, Nestle.
23. Hershey’s Milk Chocolate - This is one of the last pieces of chocolate you eat. It’s well-rounded and reliable, but there’s nothing exciting about straight-up Hershey’s chocolate.
24. Mr. Big - Mr. Big would be like if the Kit Kat wafer took performance-enhancing drugs and you covered that with chocolate. It doesn’t look pretty, but it’s an adequate chocolate fix if you need one.
25. M&Ms - Why would you ever eat a plain M&M if there’s a peanut-covered one around? Plain M&Ms are so pedestrian. [Indeed]
26. Smarties - Smarties were way better before they stopped using artificial colour. Every time I have one now, all I taste is vegetable-flavoured food colouring.
27. Halloween Molasses Kisses - Some people love these things… often parents and grandparents. There’s a reason why they mostly just sell these at Bulk Barn and nowhere else. [Again with the stereotyping. But - guilty]
28. Twizzlers - Yes, they taste like plastic, but when you’re this far down the candy bag, you just suspend disbelief and keep on chewing. [My wife loves ‘em and she can have ‘em]
29. Suckers - In the end, there will only be cockroaches and leftover suckers from Halloween.
30. Candy Corn - Rumour has it prisoners of war are offered Candy Corn and even they are like, “No, thanks.”
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