Small things 13 Jan

• I saw a chameleon today. It must have been handicapped.
• It’s sad how many cookies that the cookie monster wasted pretending to eat them, but they really just crumbled and fell to the floor.
• Quarantine coffee: It was like a normal coffee except it had a margarita in it and also no coffee.
• Maybe the next time I’m telling a story about something that happened when I was 40 and they say “Oh that’s the year I was born!” I’ll just say, “Well then maybe you’re not old enough to listen to this story…”
• Some puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.
• The year is 2243. Disease and hunger are eradicated. The terraforming of Mars is complete. The icon for ‘save’ is still a floppy disk.
• Boss: I don’t pay you to watch YouTube. Me: You SHOULD pay me to watch YouTube.
• Sam being able to carry Frodo and not be affected by the ring means the ring doesn't understand transitive properties so they could have just taped the ring to a mouse and then carried the mouse with no ill effects. Whole thing would have taken 20 minutes.
• This was me in school. Test question: “Write 80-100 words.” Me: 80-100 words.
• You can’t buy hot pockets. You can only buy cold pockets. You supply the heat. Don’t believe the hype.
• I get offended when my body decides we're gonna get sick. Like I fed you a VEGETABLE last week, how DARE you betray me like this. Ungrateful.
• Bad movie plot description: “Dude died but they made him go to work anyway.” (Robocop)