Small things 10 Sep

• Worst headline: 73 year old man finally inherits family fortune. 
• CAPS LOCK. Messing with logins since 1980.
• You know you’re high when you’re driving and you see the flashing lights of the crosswalk behind you and you pull over thinking it’s the cops. Then you get really paranoid when nobody comes to your window.
• Wanna know the secret to why your spouse makes too many pancakes at your house? When the batter is too thick, they add a little liquid, then it’s too runny and they add more mix. This repeats endlessly, and then there’s enough batter for 30 pancakes.
• My computer isn't the only thing that goes to sleep after 15 minutes of inactivity.
• Criticize in private, praise in public.
• Dumb guy wonders how the chicken learned how to fry the ‘chicken fried rice’.
• “My mom is paying.” [4 words to ruin a 1st date]
• In the entire series of movies did anyone even once see Harry Potter clean his glasses?
• To be clear, it’s not that we don’t have enough water, it’s that we don’t have enough fresh water where it’s needed.
• If KISS started in their 60s: "I... want to rock n roll for a spell, and party every other week."
• Never use ‘hamburger helper’ unless the hamburger is ready to accept the help.
• Imagine if new parents wanted to name their newborn girl Kristen and the registry writes Kirsten by mistake.
• Imagine if men spent as much effort getting to know their women as much as they spend getting to know the athletes of the sports they don't play.
• Caller ID? Pfft. I don't just need to know who's calling, I need to know WHY you're calling.
• Are hot dogs sandwiches? Discuss...
• Before you speak, let your words pass through 3 gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, "Is it true?" At the second gate ask, "Is it necessary?" At the third gate ask, "Is it kind?"
• No one is as impressed with your possessions as you are.
• OK, I’m on my 4th vaccine and I still don’t have 5G. What the hell?