Small things 18 Jun

• Baby gates are the real life version of areas being locked in a video game due to your character's experience level.
• Imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found all the pictures you have of them doing weird stuff.
• The clubhouse or club sandwich is meant to have sliced turkey, or chicken if that's all you've got. Keep ham away from that sandwich, it already has bacon. Just stop with the ham please. 
• The reason you have hair on your head is to remind you that you cannot control everything no matter how hard you try.
• Cat therapist: "Have you tried pushing stuff off of a table?"
• How to not be a ghost when you die: Don't wear any white dressing gowns or pyjamas when you're dying.
• Funny how we say "a bug hit my windshield". Yet we're the ones going 100km/h. I'm guessing the bug's family describes it differently.
  
  
  
• Remember when the only way you could make a call from "anywhere that wasn't a house or office" was to find a payphone and hope you had a dime or a quarter?
• I don't need to own a dog. All my neighbours have one and they take care of them for me.
• Tell your cat I said 'pspspspspsps'.
• If I was to eat the middle out of Oreo cookies, it would be so that I could refill the middle with peanut butter just to see if it was good.
• Iron Man is technically a FEmale.