Small things 30 December

• It just dawned on me how many of the gifts in 12 days of Christmas are birds. 6 out of the first 7, your true love gives you birds. 23 in total. On day 5 you're thinking, "Golden rings! We're finally done with the birds!" Psyche! Six geese.
  
  
  
• Don't ever let your printer know that you've waited until the last minute to print something and you're in a hurry. They can sense fear.
• You might think this is crazy, but try making a peanut butter sandwich with whole grain bread.
• Doctors could never go on strike because you'd never be able to make out what's written on their signs.
• Oh fiery orb in the heavens. Thou hast graced us with your fiery presence. We deserveth thou not. But we are grateful.... In thy mercy.
• Why isn't Miss Universe called Miss Earth? Are there aliens competing?
• How we developed hand eye coordination before video games: carry an ice cube tray full of liquid water and place it in the freezer without spilling anything.
• Superman to Batman: Your worst enemy is a clown! Batman: Yours is a rock.
• It is quite possible that the only reason there are still pyramids in Egypt is because they're too heavy to be moved to the British Museum.
• Don't blame society. You are society.
• If cats could talk, they still wouldn't.
• What would happen if you put powdered milk in milk? Would it be even milkier?
• Q. If there's a 'heavens no' and a 'hell yes', how does purgatory fit in? A. Purghaps.