Small things 22 October

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  The pessimistic doctor will see you by disappointment only.
• Rapper Kanye West has officially changed his name to Ye. [insert joke here] "Name?" "Ye." "What is your name?" "Ye." [to TSA co-worker] "Take this person to the secondary screening room, please." "Ye."
• What if it turns out that when people have to 'quarantine' at home for 2 weeks because they might have Covid, it's really just a ruse? They're probably contestants in a reality TV show and this is their cover.
• I will actually pull over and get out of the car to play with the neighbourhood cats when I see them on their front lawn.
• You know summer's over when you spy dad zipping his zip-off shorts back into pants.
• Candy corn. Like it or no? Discuss.
• Oh, you survived Covid so far? Well, it's flu season now too.
• I actually heard a user at work complain because they didn't get the login username they were hoping for. First world problems.
• A lot of conflict in the wild west could have been avoided if they had just made towns big enough for everyone.
• When you see someone with a Malibu t-shirt and think "They must really love alcohol", just remember, it's a place. Maybe they're not the one who really loves alcohol.
• Imagine Katie Porter as US President with Bernie Sanders as Vice.
• Sooner or later, kids will ask you why we say "hang up" the phone.
• 1980 and 2021 are as far apart as 1980 and 1939.
• I'm not saying he's an alcoholic, but his check liver light is on.