Small things 15 October

• 80's teachers: "You aren't always going to have a calculator in your pocket." 
  
  
  
• What if 'breakfast is the most important meal of the day' was just cereal lobby propaganda?
• I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what she laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
• One minute you're young and wild, and then you're into air fryers.
• I hope parallel universe me is doing OK too.
• Hershey Kisses are just giant chocolate chips. Sorry.
• Heartbreaking: local cat has never been fed in entire life, says local cat. Sources close to cat claim cat may have actually been fed between 4-6 hours ago. These claims are unverified. Breaking news: cat was fed 20 minutes ago by last person to walk into kitchen. Cat claims fake mews. We now have exclusive footage shot by our news chopper that confirms there's literally still food in the cat's bowl right now.
• An air mattress is great when you want to sleep on the floor but not right away.
• Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
• Q. What did the hash brownie say? A. I am so baked right now...
• Cashtration: The act of mortgaging a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.