Small things 3 September

• If you step on the gas and the brake at the same time, your car takes a screenshot.
• It's possible that Zoom meetings may have conditioned people into thinking that if they don't like a meeting, or want to excuse themselves for a coffee or pee break, that this is perfectly fine.
  
  
  Immediately, and without a word to anyone. This may be hard to unlearn.
• Cooking recipes are a suggestion, baking recipes are an instruction.
• Imagine you're a whale and you're confessing to another whale that you ate a human and humans recorded the conversation and put it on Spotify to fall asleep to. Awkward!
• You can ask a tall person to reach for something high up, but you would never ask a short person to pick up something you dropped.
• Just before croutons were invented: "You know what this salad needs? More crunch."
• I'd love to hear what Jacob Collier would do with 10CC's "I'm not in Love".
• All animals are therapy animals. Most of them are freelancing.
• Imagine if all the corn kernels popped at exactly the same time.

Colleges: We really need you to pay $24,000 tuition. That's the lowest we can go.

Athlete: What if I can throw a ball really, really well?

College: LMAO. Here, it's free!