If brands were honest, what would their slogan be?

• IKEA. Visit for the meatballs, stay because you can't find the exit.
• Facebook. Making it easier to stalk people since 2004.
• Hot Pockets. Every bite is a different temperature.
• Coke. It's so sweet, we had to but acid in it so you won't vomit.
• DHL. If you want it bad enough, you'll pay the fees.
• Gillette Venus. Because no woman should have to use a blue razor.
• Bing. Take it slow finding things.
• Starbucks. Become a diabetic in small daily instalments.
• Target. You dress too nice for WalMart.
• The Gap. For kids, by kids.
• Payless Shoe Source. Who wants shoes that last more than one season?
• Taco Bell. We can make 32 things with 5 simple ingredients.
• Pepsi. Is Pepsi OK?
• McDonald's. What ice cream machine?
• Bud Light. For people who don't actually like beer.
• Skip the Dishes. We know just how lazy you are.
• Rogers. That's pronounced oligarchy.
• Nestle. We would bottle air if we could get away with it.
• Doordash. There's always room for another middleman.
• Ford. Pffft! Who needs cars?
• Tide. Because a horrible rash is better than smelly clothes.
• Volvo. Designed to fit your IKEA purchases.
• Maybelline. Maybe it's photoshopped.
• Old Spice. Smell like grandpa.
• WebMD. It's probably lupus.
• Gillette. We can just add more blades.
• LinkedIn. The soapbox that also helps you not get hired.
• Adobe. Serving updates daily.
• Best Buy. Where to try stuff out before buying it on Amazon.
• IKEA. The extra parts are just to mess with you.
• Fiji. The bottle shape makes it taste better.
• Butterball. The original food coma.
• Campbells. Mmm mmm salt.
• Ticketmaster. Scalpers got nuthin' on us.
• eBay. Christmas ruined by a late bidder.
• Sharpie. Teach them not to fall asleep in your house.