Small things 20 Sep

• Is it just a matter of time before someone caters their wedding reception with 'Skip the Dishes'?
• My face lights up every time I open the fridge at night.
• A joke doesn't become a dad joke until it's full groan.
• If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud, or an udder failure?
• There's no point calling the tinnitus help line. It just keeps ringing.
• Some puns make me numb, but math puns make me number.
• My friend David had his ID stolen. Now he's just Dav.
• I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
• The word queue is just the letter 'q' followed by 4 silent letters.
• Are mashed potatoes just Irish guacamole?
• Can we please stop calling coffee peddlers 'baristas'? Barista is Italian for 'bartender'.
• When a problem comes along, you must whip it.
• Isn't it odd that a lot of people who say they don't like too much drama in their lives excel at creating it?
• Fashion savvy people probably look at my clothing outfits the same way I look at someone who opens their browser and has the Yahoo! toolbar installed.
• The people in the car beside me are listening to some great music. Whether they want to or not.
• 9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans? So, there's a bear out there that knows how to use matches? 
• "More duck lips!" ~Said no photographer ever
• The pirate encyclopedia only had one volume. 'R'...