Small things 18 May

• "Be an expert in giving everyone else a good time." ~Keith Johnstone (father of theatresports improv)
• Q. Why do moms put the dishes away so loudly? A. To remind everyone that nobody helps around the house.
• Imagine a Shazam type of service, but instead of for music, it's for diagnosing that weird sound your car makes.
• Nowadays, you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.....
• If you visit Australia and at customs they ask, "Do you have a criminal record?" do not be tempted to reply, "I wasn't aware you still needed one...."
• Whatever you do, next April Fool's Day, do NOT put up ads all over the city telling them there's a prize for the best Chewbacca roar and to leave a voice mail with your best roar at this number: and then put your boss's cell number as the contact number. Nope. Not a good idea.
• Remember when teachers and nurses crashed the economy and took billions in bonuses and bailouts? Me neither...
• When you're in the hospital, the sign 'stroke patients' is not an invitation.
• Don't go bacon my heart. I couldn't if I fried.... Also, if you don't get the song reference, you're not old.
• Statistics have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer. It must be the cake...