Small things 24 Nov

• Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens don't know how to read the crosswalk signal. Poor chicken.....
• I don't always manamana. But when I do doo doot doo do doo!
• DO NOT ask the parents of a child on a leash if it was a rescue.
• Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everyone.
• When you think about it, Yelp is just people judging.
• I'm curious who's buying these giant 2 foot diameter Christmas ornament balls. And how big is this tree they're decorating?
• Instead of the bride taking the groom's name, or doing the hyphenated thing, married couples should hybridize their last names. So if a Smith married a Grabowski, you could have Smabowski, or Grabith, or Grasmithski. As generation went on, the names would get pretty ridiculous. Plesz / Mulikow = Plesikow, Mulesz. Plesz / Foisy = Ploisy, Foiesz. Taylor / Conklin = Taynklin, Conklor 

Moist owlets

Things that are a part of my life now that I wasn't even aware of 5 years ago

• Beard balm (not anymore....)
• Smart speakers (Google Home)
• Glue traps (to catch mice (and spiders))
• Spotify
• Acai bowls
• Little free libraries
• Metformin

50th anniversary re-release of White Album

If you're a Beatles fan, you're in for a treat. They just re-released a new version of the White album. 6 discs of re-masters, but even more importantly, rehearsal recordings and various takes. Some of them are quite sublime and reveal the Beatles in their natural, unpolished state. In particular, I was taken by the following tracks:

Disc 5, track 13 - While my guitar gently weeps, 3rd version, take 27
Disc 5, track 3 - Hey Jude, take 1
Disc 4, track 1 - Revolution 1, take 18

The good news is, if you're a Spotify subscriber like me, you don't even have to buy the album!

Do yourself a favour and at least go listen to those tracks that I mentioned.

German wifi is the wurst

Things I learned lately 24 Nov

• Ellen Degeneres is 60!
• Costco employees get a free turkey on Thanksgiving (at least in the US).
• Mark Zuckerberg has been seen driving an Acura TSX and a Honda Fit.
• Melania Trump spent $174,000 on hotels she didn't sleep in on a 12-hour trip to Canada. The hotel bills don't include her staff or logistics team, who had $18,000 total in hotel costs.
• If you have iOS12 on any model of iPhone, there is a clever way to edit text. Simply long-press on the iPhone's space bar. You'll get a cursor you can move anywhere by dragging your finger. Don't lift your finger, just drag it into the text area and the cursor will follow the drag. 
• A British high school has banned Canada Goose, Moncler and other expensive luxury coats to stop students bullying other kids from lower-income backgrounds. Not sure how this helps.
• Ivanka Trump, the president's daughter and a top White House adviser, sent hundreds of emails about government business from a personal email account last year. No chants yet of 'lock her up' though.
• There are 77,000 homeless people in New York City.

Or as I like to call it - a cookie

Pokenuts

Small things 17 Nov

• If they made scented candles for dogs, they would smell like other dogs' butts.
• Puns about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
• Never eat a clock. It's very time consuming. Especially if you have seconds.
• What if dogs destroy shoes because that's the last thing we put on before we leave?
• If Lay's made beer, the bottle would contain 75% foam.
• If you always vent to someone, make sure to occasionally ask how they're doing too.
• This would be a very cruel site link to send to stoned people.
• Saying "Aliens don't exist. If they did, they would have visited us or we would have found them by now" is like scooping up a glass of seawater and saying "There's no life in the ocean."
• I used to help my dad fix his car. What I learned is..... KEEP THE FLASHLIGHT STILL!!
• If the Navy only recruited non-swimmers, would they do a better job defending the ship?

Eat yer beets

Young chef Flynn McGarry talks about preparing vegetables to taste as good as meat. In particular, beets.

Incidentally, a movie is coming out about this guy (Chef Flynn).

"Vlad the Impaler" discovers marshmallows.....

Things I learned lately 17 Nov

• Fire season in the western US is now 105 days longer than it was in the 1970s.
• His official title: His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.
• On some copies of the vinyl pressing of Atom Heart Mother's track Alan's Psychedelic Breakfast by Pink Floyd, the dripping tap at the end of the song is cut into the run-off groove, so it plays on infinitely until the listener removes the stylus from the album, an effect lost on the CD release. On the CD, the dripping continues for approximately 17 seconds after all other sounds have ceased.
• There are 57,636 wind turbines operating in the US, and counting. There are 6,590 in Canada.
• The 13 letters of "eleven plus two", when rearranged, also spell "twelve plus one". ~Neil deGrasse Tyson

Small things 9 Nov

• I know what would finally get Trump's supporters to have a change of heart. If he threatened to make America go metric.
• The key under the doormat is the real world version of login: admin password: admin.
• Whoever said you should take whiskey for a cold probably likes whiskey a lot
• Grammar police: To serve and correct.
• Would you call a half zebra, half donkey a 'zonkey', or a 'deebra'?
• If Dracula had a cat, it would always be in the coffin.
• I wonder if any man does not have a box of random cables......
• Don't confuse my disdain of the hyper-wealthy for jealousy over what they have. I don't want a 6 figure sports car, or a 20 room mansion, or a gold leaf truffle wagyu steak. I want redistribution of wealth so that citizens don't have to worry about affording (and getting) health care, getting a higher education, and a living wage.
• Is the reason we wake up the second we die in a dream because our brain has no knowledge of what happens to us after we die?
• To remember how many feet there are in a mile, just remember 5 tomatoes. Which sounds like 5.. 2.. 8.. 0. There are 5280 feet in a mile. Or, you could just move to Canada. There's 1000 metres in a kilometre.
• A head of lettuce is basically a lettuce lettuce wrap.

Truth

Is this the real life?

Marc Martel, the Quebec-born singer who sounds like Freddie Mercury, made Celine Dion cry, played vocal in the official Queen Extravaganza tour and provides vocals for the new movie Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen biopic, recorded said song in one take for our listening pleasure.

Behold. This guy. Incredible.

It took me a second or two to see it

Things I learned lately 9 Nov

• In 2017, 62 incidents of uncontrolled train movements were reported to the Transportation Safety Board in Canada.
• The Paris region plans to launch a large fleet of electric bicycles in a state-funded scheme aimed at getting commuters to cycle to work (or the train) and reduce congestion and pollution. Ile-de-France Mobilités (IDFM) will provide up to 10,000 e-bikes for long-term rental, with a view to expanding the scheme to 20,000. Unlike Velib bikes, which are rented on an hourly basis and must be docked in roadside stations after use, Veligo bikes will stay with users, who can rent them for 40 euros a month, half of which can be subsidized by their employers.
• In Antarctica, around 1% of the continent is permanently ice and snow free, and have been that way for almost 2 million years.
• Ring shaming FB groups are a thing. Women shame their fiances for the lousy ring they bought.
• 99% of the hydrogen and helium in the solar system is in the sun.
• NASA just smashed the record for the fastest human-made object. Its Parker solar probe (pictured) is now flying past the sun at 213,200 mph.
• The 1993 McLaren F1 set a speed record of 231 mph, which it held for 11 years.
• 25% of Canadians consider it "blasphemy" to put pineapple on pizza. (Not me!)

Small things 3 Nov

• In Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace end credits, Jabba the Hutt is credited as himself.
• I love cooking with organic tear gas. Or as you might know it - onions.
• I before E. Except when your foreign neighbour Keith received eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
• Candles are how we keep fires as pets.
• Vampires couldn't see their reflections because mirrors used to be backed with a layer of silver, which was considered a pure metal. So it didn't interact with vampires. Modern mirrors have aluminum backing, so vampires can see their reflections now.
• Me: There's a large rat in the men's bathroom. Barista: ? Me: There's a Venti rat in the bathroom.
• When the insurance company asks you to send front, side and rear views, they mean of your damaged car, not of you....
• Of course Apple is the first trillion dollar company. Have you seen how flimsy their lightning cords are?

The first rule of online shopping

Breakfast with my other family

[Update: I'm re-posting this with edits due to the fact that word got out that my favourite place in the greater Calgary area to eat breakfast is barely getting by. If you want a meal like your grandma would make - go! Soon! While there's still a place to go to]

Sometimes when I go out for breakfast, I feel like family. I certainly get treated like family. You know how sometimes you go to someone’s house for a visit, and they waste no time at all making you feel at home, to the point of even being mock rude and telling you if you want something that badly, go get it yourself? That’s the kind of place I’m talking about. It takes me 35 minutes to drive here, but I don’t mind at all. I beg Darlene to let us come here at least once a month while the weather’s nice.

This house, out in the country, is home to the Priddis View & Brew Bistro. It's run by an older lady named Lynn. She could just as well be your grandma. Her son helps out too and I don’t know if the cook is related, but she may as well be. The house itself is pure country living. A large porch / patio on the south side, 5 assorted sized tables in the dining room. A separate room with a little cozy sit up counter and a display case with all sorts of baked goods. Little gifts and art and nostalgia hanging all over the place.

If you’ve got the place to yourself, you might get a coffee right away. But what’s more likely is that Grandma is still putting on a fresh pot and you had best just relax and wait. Sometimes I’ll get up once I know the pot is done and grab it and pour a cup for our table and anyone else who needs some. Good luck getting away with that in your average restaurant. Someone will spy me doing their job and jokingly ask if I’m looking for a job. The place is usually filled with friends, cyclists stopping in for a quick java, or first timers who’ve heard about the place, but had to come see it for themselves.

The food. It’s home cooking. Nothing here tastes like it fell of the back of a Sysco food supply truck. It’s made with love and butter and it tastes real. The toast is made from little mini focaccia  loaves. Breakfasts are served with freshly made pan fried potatoes with onion. The bacon is sublime, almost like candy. On Saturday night they cook up a beef tenderloin meal, which we’ve had. It’s great. On Sunday night, they put on a traditional turkey dinner with all the fixings. We tried it the weekend after Thanksgiving once, because we missed the big dinner while returning from vacation. It was awesome!

This place can fill up unexpectedly fast, so you really do need to make a reservation. You especially need a reservation if you're going for dinner, as they only cook enough turkey or beef to meet the needs of who is coming. The name of the place is the Priddis View and Brew Bistro, and it’s in the hamlet of Priddis, Alberta, southwest of Calgary. Do us all a favour and go so this wonderful establishment can stay open at least another year.

Stick figure costume

Geothermal fruit

Here's a guy that is inspiring. He designed and built a low grade geothermal greenhouse system that allows him to grow citrus in Nebraska.

He's 85 years old.

Things I learned lately 3 Nov

• Netflix are very serious about their employees taking vacation. There is no limit to how much vacation you can take and if you don't take them very often, prepare to get spoken to. Netflix wants their workers to be fresh, recharged and happy.
• People spent $38 on unfiltered hot dog water. It's supposed to be Keto diet compatible, promote weight loss, increase brain function, and make you look younger. It was a stunt, but people bought and drank it anyway.
• Only 14% of US adults smoke cigarettes now.
• There are 5,658 km of sidewalks in Calgary.
• Alberta will issue 250 cannabis store licenses in the first year of operation.