Intellectual jokes

• A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
• Shortest joke in the English language: "Pretentious? Moi?"
• A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
• I'd tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.
• How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized." (The chemist pronounces it 'un-eye-oh-nized')
• Two women walk into a bar and talk about the Bechdel test.(The Bechdel test is a measure of gender equality in the media. A piece of media is considered to pass the test if it includes at least two women who talk to each other about something besides men. This joke passes the test.)
• Heard about that new band called 1023 MB? They haven't had any gigs yet.
• Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says "Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I knew where I was." (Heisenberg was a German physicist and one of the key figures in quantum theory. His famous "Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal" states that we can know either where a quantum particle is or how fast it's moving, but it's impossible to know both at the same time.)
• A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." A voice from the back of the room pipes up, "Yeah, right."
• How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
• What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
• I could tell you a joke about TCP, but I'd have to keep repeating it until you got it. 
• A hundred kilopascals go into a bar. [end unit conversion]
• A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers, please".