Thursday, June 16, 2011

Print dammit

Computer: Monitor, display this document, ok?
Monitor: No problem, boss.
Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?
Monitor: Anything you say, boss.
Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?
Mouse: Over to the toolbar, sir.
Computer: Hmm. Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?
Mouse: Of course.
Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.
Monitor: Oh God, here we go.
Computer: [sighs] Printer, are you there?
Printer: No.
Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there. We're having this conversation, aren't we?
Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!
Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really nee…
Mouse: Sir, now he’s clicked on the printer icon.
Computer: Printer, now you're going to have to print it twice.
Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!
Computer: Printer, you know that you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.
Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!
Computer: You’re not out of in…
Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!
Computer: [Sighs] Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
Monitor: But sir, he has plen…
Computer: Just do it, damn it!
Monitor: Yes sir.
Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!
Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. Oh god, I don’t know, he’s just pressing everything!
Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?
Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my goodness! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!
Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?
Computer: No. He did this to himself.

1 comment:

carlae said...

You live in my computer don't you!