Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Actual news headlines from today and my curt responses

Dog taught to sniff out early stage colorectal cancer - so the next time a dog sniffs my crotch, I'm going to ask "Hey boy! Is everything OK down there?"

Justin Bieber misses 'ice caps' when he's away from home - in related news, a new world record for world's smallest violin is set yet again.

City roads turn into skating rink - Carcapades tickets are $20 at the box office.

Suspects steal Viagra from southeast pharmacy - police say they should be easy to spot.

AHS apologizes to man beaten at Children's Hospital - "we're sorry you look like a homeless guy".

Harper, Obama to meet at White House - Obama asks if Steve can bring some of that 'poutine' he keeps hearing about.

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