Darlene has made significant contributions to this blog before (her ‘how to pack for a cruise’ article gets a lot of hits) and the latest one she offered has to do with e-dating sites and how guys tend to create profiles that are an absolute no-no. But I’ll let her explain:We ladies were helping a friend set up her profile on eharmony. Then we went over her picks as they came in. There were many times when we said “No way – delete! - delete!” Other times we said “Awww - write him that you are interested!”
What guys should and shouldn’t put in their profiles on a dating website:
It is recommended that you DON’T:
- Don't list your ‘hates’ – you are deleted in seconds that way –you don’t come across very well trashing your ex’s and listing the kinds of chicks you DON’T want. We’ve seen some profiles compound this by ranting on in successive fields that have nothing to do with likes/dislikes. Sounding bitter is not the way to go!
- Don't submit a ‘bad’ picture of yourself or one that was taken five years ago – we know it’s old, you don’t look like that anymore.
- Don't have the dog(s) in your lap and clutching the kids.
- Don't have a picture posted with you surrounded by all your friends – we don’t know which one is you and especially if your friends are more good looking than you are – the comparison can be brutal – have a picture just of you alone.
- Don't do a comb over or try to gel what little hair you have into spikes.
- Don't look sloppy. You don’t need to wear a suit and tie – just don’t look grubby. If you can’t make an effort to clean up – we won’t bother with you.
- Don't be a player. If you are on e-harmony – we hope you are not a player. You should be there to meet someone who you would like to have a long term relationship with. If not, head to the intimate section of lavalife if that is what you are really looking for.
- Don't ignore any parts of the survey questions because you don’t know what to say. Take your time and complete it thoroughly.
It is recommended that you DO:
- Do take your time selecting the greatest picture of yourself that you can find or take – and get an updated one - get a girl friend or guy friend to help you with that – don’t ‘pose’ – be natural – smile. Some of the pictures we have seen online are terrible and even though we know that they just happen to be unflattering - we tend to hit the delete button instantly on a terrible picture – chemistry is everything - it doesn’t mean you have to be great looking – just natural. A full body shot would be appreciated as well as a close up.
- Do have a sense of humour!
- Do be unique. Try to stand out – but don’t make stuff up.
- Do fill out all the questions. If you’re stone walled - get some friends or a girl friend to help you fill it out – you have about 10 seconds to come across as exciting and fun to get to know - so use it wisely.
- Do provide as much information about yourself as possible. If we see that you took a lot of time fine tuning a profile – it shows that you will take a long time fine tuning the relationship.
- Do be realistic – if you insist your date be physically fit or buff and you are not – that’s an immediate conflict of interest. There are many beautiful women out there that are overweight.
- Do be honest about your hobbies and what you like to do for entertainment. This ‘I like to take long walks along the river’ when you don’t – that is just misrepresenting yourself. If you like to just stay in all the time, spend hours on your computer or like to watch movies – say so! Sometimes we do too.
- Do think carefully before you write – every line you put down will be scrutinized thoroughly by six of her best girlfriends so you have to win them all over!
- Do have some self confidence in yourself – the profiles we loved the most were those guys that took the time to say a lot, they had a great sense of humour, they had someone who was an inspiration to them, they were humble and even if they weren’t good looking – we loved them anyway!
- Do post a picture! No matter why you don’t want to post a picture – we deleted EVERY profile that didn’t have pictures. You are on e-harmony to find a lady to have a relationship with. Why would you conceal what you look like?
- When you have to list what you are passionate about – please don’t leave it blank or declare that there is nothing. Even if it is something that you may feel we would think is mundane – that line is one of the most important ones of all!
3 comments:
And, I wonder - what did Darlene's profile look like?
Here's the other side of the coin - things I found to be common among the over 1000 women's profiles I've seen as an active and inactive eHarmony member over the last 18 months -
1. Something only your best friends know? "You'll have to become my friend." or "There's a reason that they are the only ones that know." Even the occasional "Sorry, I would rather not say." That's really putting yourself out there, ladies. Is that supposed to communicate mystery and intrigue? Or that you're so damn boring that you can't come up with anything unusual about yourself? So unimaginative that you can't even make something up? Maybe just plain lazy? Feh, I say.
2. Can't live without: Cats and shoes. Shoes and cats. Arrggh.
3. Favorite book: The Secret. Did Oprah tell you to read it? I swear, way over half of you think this is your favorite book. Do you really want to advertise to the male gender that your life is so boring that a self-help book really rocked your world?
4. Concealed pictures. It works both ways.
I saw very few profiles that demonstrated any interest in... well, in _anything_. I was very disappointed.
Of course, you also need to realize that well over half your matches aren't reading your profile because they aren't really there. They are lapsed members or trial members who never paid up. That's eHarmony's dirty little secret, and it leads to incredible frustration when you actually do find a match that doesn't appear to be a dishrag. Chances are 50-50 that they are long gone.
In answer to your question: Darlene didn't have a profile - she's married. She and every other female co-worker, were helping a single mom review other men on the site.
For the record, she fully admitted that the tone of the suggestions, insinuations, etc. were completely unfair. But they're reality. The point of the article was to give guys insight into what women think about when they're looking at profiles.
Also for the record, I have absolutely no interest in e-dating. If I were single and ever needed to find a partner, the internet is not where I would look. Not because it isn't a viable resource, but because it's too rehearsed. I'd rather meet a future partner in a random encounter at a grocery store or at a party, where things just happen.
But that's me. It's how I met Darlene.
Oh, Darlene was helping a friend. I see. Sorry.
None the less, I hope I've made it clear that the quality of the women's profiles that eHarmony showed me, was very depressing. Almost laughably bad.
The few women I did meet were so inexperienced at dating, it was sort of sad. They seemed terrified simply having a conversation with a new person. The effort required to start an actual relationship - or even to have a real "date" - seemed so far beyond their capabilities that nothing ever went beyond a first meeting. It was a complete waste of three months of my time.
I agree with you that on the internet, it's easy to have an imaginary rehearsed "personality" that likes to walk on the beach and etc. But in person, that all goes to pieces in a big hurry if you don't have an actual personality to back it up.
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