Holiday shopping tips

It's getting close to the Holiday shopping season. Time for men to try to figure out what to get their spouses, girlfriends - or both if the need arises [snort]......... Alas, a nice little guide for men on how to shop for a Christmas gift for women:

1. Buy her something she already has. Then she can exchange it for something she really wants and "you will never know".
2. Avoid sizes. If you have to get clothing, get a size or two too small. This translates in her mind as a compliment.
3. No underwear, Teddies, or pajamas. This is interpreted as a gift for you, and also conflicts with the second rule above.
4. If it comes from a store you are at home in, get something else. There are no suitable gifts for women in sporting goods, hardware, liquor or fishing/tackle stores.
5. No plants, flowers, or cards. These are for other occasions, like weddings and such. These things are interpreted as make-do gifts, things you grab last minute at the airport, the gas station or the grocery store.
6. The gift must be personal and impractical. A breadmaker and blender are used by everyone in the house. It must be hers alone. An exception would be a car. Coupe - yes, minivan - no.
7. Things that enhance her personal hobby or collection are sure winners. If she collects Barbies, an expensive ceramic version would be an excellent trophy.
8. Expensive candy is OK, but cannot constitute the main gift. Put this in her stocking with the plastic candy cane you forgot to put back.

Photo by neuroticjose.