What in-flight announcement should sound like

The Economist has a brilliant take of what an in-flight announcement would sound like if it dispensed with the pleasantries and just told you the truth.

Excerpt:
At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.