Repair Zen

I used to fix telecommunicaions and computer equipment for a living. I still consult as a PC fixer dude on the side. Many times I have been called to diagnose a fault only to discover that the fault has disappeared and everything is fine now. This comes as no surprise, considering the mantra of the technician (see step one):

How To Diagnose & Repair Equipment

1. Approach the ailing equipment in a confident manner. This gives the equipment the impression that you know something. This will also impress anyone who happens to be watching. If the equipment should suddenly start to work you will be credited with it's repair. If this step fails, proceed to step two.

2. Wildly wave the reference manual at the equipment. The equipment will assume that you are at least somewhat familiar with the theory of operation. Should this fail, proceed to step three.

3. In a forceful manner, recite Ohm's Law to the equipment - (beforehand, refer to a reliable textbook and assure your knowledge of Ohm's Law). This will prove to the equipment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you know stuff. This is a drastic step and should be attempted only after the first two.

4. Jar the equipment slightly. This may require from a three to six foot drop, preferably onto a concrete floor. However, we must be very careful with this step. While jarring is an approved method of repairing equipment, we must not mark the floor. Again, this is a drastic step and, should it fail, we are forced to proceed to step five.

5. Add an integrated circuit or other component. This will prove to the equipment that you are familiar with circuit design. This step will also give the equipment an added load to carry, thereby increasing your advantage. Should these five steps fail, we must proceed to the most dangerous step of all. This step is seldom needed and must be used only as a final resort.

6. THINK!