Advertiser's universe

If you want to create an ad, you need to be aware of the following universal truths:

• Men are obsessed with sex but will forego sex in order to watch football or drink beer.
• Women are locked in a constant battle with their weight/body shape/hairstyle.
• Career success is entirely based on your ability to impress your boss.
• Anyone with a scientific career will have a bad haircut and dreadful clothes.
• Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.
• Women have jobs they never do in real life, such as a dockworker (who looks like a model).
• All children hate eating fruit or vegetables.
• In ads about vision care, everyone wears glasses - except contact lens ads.
• It's OK to racially stereotype Eskimos.
• A family can load a car with kids with no screaming, crying or messes.
• People find driving deeply pleasurable, never boring or stressful.
• Women are unable to remove their glasses without shaking their hair down in slow motion.
• Driving in a brand new car leads immediately to all other traffic being kept off the road.
• Chocolate will cause women to immediately act like they're as stoned as a crack addict.
• The natural response to sipping a hot beverage is to close your eyes, smile and nod.
• New cars can miraculously drive on rain-soaked roads without getting wet.
• A famous fashion model uses shampoo you can buy in a grocery store.
• Babies never cry.
• A man cannot shave his face without being mobbed by at least one gorgeous woman.