Beam me up Scotty!

So, I'm back from my trip as you can see. I was picked up by aliens and they took me to their mothership so I could teach them about various Earth customs. Not to worry, there were no anal probes or anything like that - that I know of. They tried to duplicate the kind of food I am used to, but they failed miserably. It took two and a half hours to get supper served last night! I was gracious anyway, fearing that if I said anything I might not make it home enjoying the same air of friendliness that I experienced during my abduction err....departure. The beds were OK. They got every TV channel imaginable though - that was cool. The 'alien' hot tub looked a little gross, so I passed. I don't know what it is, but alien shower water pressure leaves a lot to be desired. My pee stream is stronger.

OK, none of the alien part was true. But it sure sounded a lot more exciting than what actually happened....