Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Only one small problem. Nutrisse doesn't mean nourish. In fact, it doesn't mean anything, because it's not a word. It's not a French word either - which is what I'm sure they would have you believe. It's a frickin scam.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Well, our Atco gas bill came in today and I start reading the 'tips for saving energy' part. It concludes with the following statement: "Putting on a sweater and turning the thermostat down 2 degrees could save you up to 4% on your bill." Darlene says, "What does that work out to?"
"What!!!?? You want me to freeze my ass off to save money that's not even enough to pay for a coffee at Starbucks?"
Thanks Atco..........thanks for helping me make my point...........NOT!!
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Friday, November 26, 2004
You would think that with today's space-age technology, they could make a sock thin enough to fit in your shoes that lasts a couple years...
Then we talked about what it would be like to be a mall Santa. Having to put up with smelly diapers, sticky fingers groping your beard, screaming and crying, spoiled kids with endless wish lists, parents who won't let the picture get taken until their child looks 'just right' for the camera.....
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
This billboard went up in Florida this week - 'after' Dubya won the election. One has to ponder, are Americans so lost that they need billboards re-affirming who their leader is? Oh! Maybe it's for when aliens land - you know, "take me to your.....oh, never mind, we see the sign...."
This would never happen in Canada.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
If you like British humour, you owe it to yourself to give the series 'The Office' a try. Get to your fave video rental outlet and get season one for starters. If you like it, there's another season and a newly released 2-part Christmas special as well.
The premise? It's a mockumentary about life in a paper merchants office, where manager David Brent thinks he's the coolest, funniest, most popular boss ever. He isn't. That doesn't stop him from embarrassing himself in front of the cameras on a regular basis. Meanwhile, long-suffering Tim longs after Dawn the engaged receptionist and keeps himself sane by playing childish practical jokes on his insufferable, army-obsessed deskmate Gareth.
Monday, November 22, 2004
I'm going to guess "female hysteria" was what the doctor referred to as the woman complaining that her man wasn't up to 'the task' often enough.....
Sunday, November 21, 2004
You knew it had to happen sooner or later. 'The Apprentice' starring Donald Trump has become such a pop icon, they're now going to make a talking doll.
The 12" Donald J. Trump doll speaks 17 phrases. Among the 17 sayings are, 'I should fire myself just for having you around,' 'That was a tough one,' 'Think big and live large' and 'I have no choice but to tell you, you're fired.'
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
You can't legally pay someone to have sex with you, but you can pay someone to have sex with someone else and film it. You can legally pay someone to have sex with you if you film it, because in that instance, you're not paying them for sex. You're paying them for 'acting'.
Thanks to defective yeti for bringing this up.
Think about it - when you're drunk, you love everybody. You wanna love everybody, even though doing so might be a bad idea. When you're mad and drunk - you want to fight, even if it means taking on the most improbable of opponents. You stay out til the wee hours of the morning, even if you have to work the next day. You're completely convinced you'll be fine after a few cups of coffee. You're sure that if you just drive slow enough, there's no chance you'll hit anything. You see? Reason has completely moved to the back burner.
The more permanent damage is done to your memory. When you wake up from a good drunk, you have little recollection of what (or who) you did the night before. You swear that these ill effects you now feel have convinced you never to do that again. Yeah.....right! You even take other peoples' advice on what magical concoction is going to help you feel better, even though it didn't work last time either. Things like a greasy egg breakfast (Mmmmm). Not a good idea.
I've always said I really enjoy staying sober at a social gathering and watching everyone get loaded. But the real fun begins the next morning, when their brain proves once and for all that alcohol is just 'dumb juice' and its effects are more permanent than we give it credit for.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
The city of Pleasanton, California has come up with a funny way to punish speeders. The city's traffic engineers have created a traffic signal that senses when a speeder is approaching and metes out swift punishment. It immediately turns from green to yellow to red.
Monday, November 15, 2004
Michael Moore has announced that he will shoot a sequel to the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Fearing that Americans missed the point of the first movie and voted for Bush anyway, he plans to call the sequel 'I know what you did last election'.
OK, that's not true, I made that title up.....
Anyway, off-camera, you hear this screech....CRASH. The reporter barely finishes his sentence, then tells everyone that a vehicle has just crashed into the building not far from where he stands. The cameraperson then wheels the camera around and we see said vehicle, the front well-bonded to the building's facade. Then you see the driver emerge, begin frantically looking around - then ask the reporter, "Did you see that car that was right here?" The reporter says, "No, I just saw you crash into this building."
I'm not making this up folks.....
I wasn't really 'watching' the American Music Awards last night, it was just on in the background. But when Ana Nicole Smith started rambling on stage - my brain, instinctively knowing that something noteworthy was about to happen, focussed in on the moment and I witnessed what is likely her defining moment in showbusiness.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
MS Office ($200-650) - Open Office ($0) - Corel Wordperfect Office ($220) - Sun Star Office Suite ($85)
Internet Explorer (comes with Windows) - Firefox ($0) - Opera ($0 with ads - $48)
Outlook Express (comes with Windows) - Thunderbird ($0) - Eudora ($0 with ads - $60)
MSN Messenger (comes with Windows) - Gaim ($0) - Trillian ($0)
Media Player (comes with Windows) - Winamp ($0)
Windows ($150-450) - Linux (dozens of flavours ranging from $0 to $60 and up, such as Red Hat; Gentoo; Suse; Mandrake; Slackware; Knoppix....there's so many)
This list is by no means all inclusive...