Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Because Garnier means 'fooled you'

I'm sure we all understand that what is said in commercials should be taken with a grain of salt, but now a commercial aimed at women has crossed the line. I'm talking about Garnier Nutrisse. You know - where Sarah Jessica Parker goes on about this hair product's wonderful qualities and then feeds us this line, "that's because Nutrisse means nourish." Oh, that's supposed to validate everything you've said about the product?

Only one small problem. Nutrisse doesn't mean nourish. In fact, it doesn't mean anything, because it's not a word. It's not a French word either - which is what I'm sure they would have you believe. It's a frickin scam.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Road rage cards


This handy booklet of signs contains many useful (if not totally politically incorrect) messages for other drivers on the road. They even have reversed type, so drivers can read your message through their rear-view mirror. Posted by Hello

Turkey holocaust


If you've never seen the guest spot Sarah McLachlan did on SNL back in '97, check out 'Basted in Blood' (and any other vid clip for that matter). Posted by Hello

Why bother?

You know, I try to do my part to save energy - which in turn saves money. I'm always making faces whenever Darlene decides to turn the heat back up a degree or two (I mean after all, I'm not cold...). I'm all for sharing the bath water. I could go into more detail, but things could get personal - and that would be gross. I do my part, dammit!

Well, our Atco gas bill came in today and I start reading the 'tips for saving energy' part. It concludes with the following statement: "Putting on a sweater and turning the thermostat down 2 degrees could save you up to 4% on your bill." Darlene says, "What does that work out to?"

"Ummm, $2.48"

"What!!!?? You want me to freeze my ass off to save money that's not even enough to pay for a coffee at Starbucks?"

Thanks Atco..........thanks for helping me make my point...........NOT!!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

This is for your own good...

I am still in awe about the expensive, downright hilarious and utterly pointless security measures in place in the US - especially at airports. It is only now starting to come to light what humiliating things people are being made to suffer at the hands of 'security officials'. For stories on this, I present to you: Stupid Security.

Free shipping too!


Target sells everything!

I don't know if I'm OK with the 'no picture available ' part though... Posted by Hello

Saturday, November 27, 2004

What your toys do when you're not looking


See what happens when you don't hide your stash properly? Posted by Hello

Fire the product namers...


Honey.............pass me the bath massage thing..... Posted by Hello

Friday, November 26, 2004

Well, it's new to me...


Odd Todd has a new cartoon up. I know it's old (like, from Halloween), but I only found out today. Sorry. Posted by Hello

My kingdom for a sturdy sock

We have a problem with socks. For starters, they just don't make 'em like they used to. We seem to go through socks like nobody's business. The heels wear out in no time flat. I purposely buy white socks thick enough to be used as insulation in a wall just so they won't wear out in 3 weeks. They don't seem to wear / shrink / fade evenly. My post-laundry sock sorting routine is a lesson in frustration. All of my socks of a particular style/colour started out identical - now they are varying sizes, some look more faded than others, I have odd numbers of worn out heels.

You would think that with today's space-age technology, they could make a sock thin enough to fit in your shoes that lasts a couple years...

Ho frickin' ho.....

Darlene and I were walking through one of our many glorious malls today when she remarked, "I just figured out what one of the suckiest jobs in the world would be - mall Santa."

Then we talked about what it would be like to be a mall Santa. Having to put up with smelly diapers, sticky fingers groping your beard, screaming and crying, spoiled kids with endless wish lists, parents who won't let the picture get taken until their child looks 'just right' for the camera.....

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Monkey business


This short clip almost made me pee my pants. Posted by Hello

Lost in Translation II

Q. What did the Calgarian say to the Iraqi?

A. Jihad? Oh geez, I thought you were saying 'Yee-Haw!'

Stuffing? Dressing? You decide...

Happy Thanksgiving America! In honour of your holiday, I am doing very little actual work today. I will be thinking about you as you enjoy your turkey and stuffing - or dressing as some people call it. By the way, why would it be called 'dressing' if it's put in the bird? Hmmmm?

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Maybe it's for the aliens...


This billboard went up in Florida this week - 'after' Dubya won the election. One has to ponder, are Americans so lost that they need billboards re-affirming who their leader is? Oh! Maybe it's for when aliens land - you know, "take me to your.....oh, never mind, we see the sign...."

This would never happen in Canada. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Welcome to Wernham Hogg


If you like British humour, you owe it to yourself to give the series 'The Office' a try. Get to your fave video rental outlet and get season one for starters. If you like it, there's another season and a newly released 2-part Christmas special as well.

The premise? It's a mockumentary about life in a paper merchants office, where manager David Brent thinks he's the coolest, funniest, most popular boss ever. He isn't. That doesn't stop him from embarrassing himself in front of the cameras on a regular basis. Meanwhile, long-suffering Tim longs after Dawn the engaged receptionist and keeps himself sane by playing childish practical jokes on his insufferable, army-obsessed deskmate Gareth. Posted by Hello

Secret Christmas name

You have a secret Christmas name! Everyone has one. When we are born, Santa needs to know who we are and where we live. Because there are so many different languages and so forth, it gets really confusing for Santa. So just before the Stork delivers us, all of Santa's helpers select a name for us and that's the name Santa remembers. No-one has ever known that name, until now! Apparently, mine is Frosty Nose-Tinsel.

Monday, November 22, 2004

They're probably my faves too

If Oprah ever has a 'My Favourite Things' show for men - I better be in that audience.

Calm down woman!

The first use of the vibrator was the early 1880s, by doctors seeking to combat “female hysteria.” The docs noted the calming effect of the orgasms it produced.

I'm going to guess "female hysteria" was what the doctor referred to as the woman complaining that her man wasn't up to 'the task' often enough.....

And that's a good thing...


This has got to be the most anticipated literature of 2004 - Martha Stewart's Prison Diary. OK, it's not real, but we can just pretend, can't we? Posted by Hello

Web tech is amazing

This is one of the most ingenious web resources available today. The virtual mouse cleaner.

Make sure you do this at work....

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Like out of a scene from Unreal2


This looks like something out of a video game, but it's part of Tokyo's mind-bogglingly complex underground G-Cans Project. It prevents overflow of the rivers and waterways spidering the city during rainy-season and typhoon season. Posted by Hello

I'm crushing your house - flat house!


Anyone who's ever seen 'Kids in the Hall' could appreciate this pic..... Posted by Hello

At least his hair looks better as a doll


You knew it had to happen sooner or later. 'The Apprentice' starring Donald Trump has become such a pop icon, they're now going to make a talking doll.

The 12" Donald J. Trump doll speaks 17 phrases. Among the 17 sayings are, 'I should fire myself just for having you around,' 'That was a tough one,' 'Think big and live large' and 'I have no choice but to tell you, you're fired.' Posted by Hello

StoneTrek?


Cheesy - yes. But good for a chuckle nonetheless. StoneTrek's tribute to Star Trek. Posted by Hello

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Spanky!

If you're not a regular in the game of calling 'shotgun' (reserving the front seat of a car for yourself when there might be competition from other passengers), you might want to learn the rules once and for all. Behold: Official rules for calling shotgun.

Who says we're all 'country'?

Seen on a sign today in Calgary:

Stetson Village Inn (complete with horseshoe logo)
Nov 20 - Metal Karaoke


Just what you'd expect, right?

Friday, November 19, 2004

From John to Oscar

Think about this for a moment: Prostitution is illegal, but making porn movies is not.

You can't legally pay someone to have sex with you, but you can pay someone to have sex with someone else and film it. You can legally pay someone to have sex with you if you film it, because in that instance, you're not paying them for sex. You're paying them for 'acting'.

Thanks to defective yeti for bringing this up.

Alcohol - nature's brain solvent

Some day, humankind will understand what drives people to drink. I'm not referring to alcoholics, who drink due to some disorder - I'm talking about ordinary, down 'n dirty, good old fashioned drunk fests. In the meantime, I have a theory. I think alcohol targets very specific brain cells. In particular, I think it kills the cells associated with memory and damages the ones associated with reason.

Think about it - when you're drunk, you love everybody. You wanna love everybody, even though doing so might be a bad idea. When you're mad and drunk - you want to fight, even if it means taking on the most improbable of opponents. You stay out til the wee hours of the morning, even if you have to work the next day. You're completely convinced you'll be fine after a few cups of coffee. You're sure that if you just drive slow enough, there's no chance you'll hit anything. You see? Reason has completely moved to the back burner.

The more permanent damage is done to your memory. When you wake up from a good drunk, you have little recollection of what (or who) you did the night before. You swear that these ill effects you now feel have convinced you never to do that again. Yeah.....right! You even take other peoples' advice on what magical concoction is going to help you feel better, even though it didn't work last time either. Things like a greasy egg breakfast (Mmmmm). Not a good idea.

I've always said I really enjoy staying sober at a social gathering and watching everyone get loaded. But the real fun begins the next morning, when their brain proves once and for all that alcohol is just 'dumb juice' and its effects are more permanent than we give it credit for.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Alternative cartoon


OK, if Weebl & Bob aren't your cup of tea - how about Flea? Posted by Hello

The only cartoon that matters


Weebl and Bob continue to crack me up. View their latest here. If you're new to the cartoon, start at the beginning - and prepare to be initiated into the world of pie Posted by Hello

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Ze Frank does it again...

Ze Frank invents a new twist on e-mail messages. The punctuation marks take on a whole new meaning....

Best.sign.evar


Posted by Hello

Now Hi.....Fi.......no......ummmm....


Make up your mind - are you closing or are you hiring....?
Thanks to Stu Posted by Hello

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Holy subliminal messages Batman!


Having lived in a cave the last few decades, I had no idea about this: the FedEx logo has a hidden arrow (by design) between the E and the X. Posted by Hello

Speed through this....sucka

The city of Pleasanton, California has come up with a funny way to punish speeders. The city's traffic engineers have created a traffic signal that senses when a speeder is approaching and metes out swift punishment. It immediately turns from green to yellow to red.

I wonder if there's a hairy leg option?


Behold the Girlfriend's Lap Pillow. This is just wrong on so many levels...Posted by Hello

I guess Van Halen never called back...

David Lee Roth is training to be an emergency care provider in NYC. Roth, 50, has been riding for several weeks with a New York ambulance crew in training to become a paramedic, The New York Post reported Tuesday.

Monday, November 15, 2004

What are ya - stupid?


Michael Moore has announced that he will shoot a sequel to the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Fearing that Americans missed the point of the first movie and voted for Bush anyway, he plans to call the sequel 'I know what you did last election'.

OK, that's not true, I made that title up..... Posted by Hello

Some alibi you turned out to be...

So I'm watching the local news on TV tonight and some reporter is doing a live spot in front of an office building downtown. Something about a school board trustee....

Anyway, off-camera, you hear this screech....CRASH. The reporter barely finishes his sentence, then tells everyone that a vehicle has just crashed into the building not far from where he stands. The cameraperson then wheels the camera around and we see said vehicle, the front well-bonded to the building's facade. Then you see the driver emerge, begin frantically looking around - then ask the reporter, "Did you see that car that was right here?" The reporter says, "No, I just saw you crash into this building."

I'm not making this up folks.....

These go to '11'!


This Logitech Z-5500 speaker system represents the latest in quality computer speakers. The volume goes to 11. Am I the only one thinking, "did the people at Logitech watch Spinal Tap" or what? Posted by Hello

They do well at hitchhiking, so...


Looks like someone hacked into the New York Transit Authority's electronic message board system. Either that or Extreme Makeover is starting to touch a few peoples' nerves...  Posted by Hello

Drunk or stoned? You decide...


I wasn't really 'watching' the American Music Awards last night, it was just on in the background. But when Ana Nicole Smith started rambling on stage - my brain, instinctively knowing that something noteworthy was about to happen, focussed in on the moment and I witnessed what is likely her defining moment in showbusiness.  Posted by Hello

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Breaking up with Microsoft

Thanks to clever marketing and domination over the business community (in North America anyway), Microsoft (MS) products have a large share of the software pie. I don't have anything against MS per se (besides price - oh! and security problems...). If you prefer their product because it is better than the competition, that's great. But do you know what the competition is? Well, let me fix that right now. On each line I will lead with the MS offering and follow with the alternative(s) (all prices in Canadian dollars):

MS Office ($200-650) - Open Office ($0) - Corel Wordperfect Office ($220) - Sun Star Office Suite ($85)

Internet Explorer (comes with Windows) - Firefox ($0) - Opera ($0 with ads - $48)

Outlook Express (comes with Windows) - Thunderbird ($0) - Eudora ($0 with ads - $60)

MSN Messenger (comes with Windows) - Gaim ($0) - Trillian ($0)

Media Player (comes with Windows) - Winamp ($0)

Windows ($150-450) - Linux (dozens of flavours ranging from $0 to $60 and up, such as Red Hat; Gentoo; Suse; Mandrake; Slackware; Knoppix....there's so many)


This list is by no means all inclusive...

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Mais........qu'est-ce que c'est?


Riddle me this Monsieur Perrier......since when is something 'sodium free' yet still contain sodium?
courtesy This is Broken Posted by Hello