Funniest Facebook group name I've seen this week

"When I was your age, Pluto was a planet"

This place is just weird

I'm sure there's a logical reason for this (like price or something task-difficulty related) but I noticed that at my delightful old hotel in Bournemouth, the waste (drain) pipes for the suites' bathroom sinks and tubs are on the outside of the exterior walls. They're not sealed either. I only noticed this because as I was exiting the hotel to the car park (parking lot), I passed a foaming pile of soap suds (I dare you to find that phrase anywhere on another blog - huh?) on the path leading out the back door of the hotel. Puzzled, I looked around for the source of the suds and traced it to a waste pipe coming down the outside wall from one of the bathrooms in an upper floor suite. From the sound of the rushing water flowing through the pipes, I presumed that someone was emptying their tub, which had likely been filled with very soapy water and it was foaming out an air vent for the pipe.

Looked funny as hell, but it took me a bit by surprise.

Car boot!

These Brits are a clever bunch. They don't have many garage or yard sales - they go one better. They hold car boot sales. The idea is you pack the stuff you want to sell into your vehicle and drive to the car boot sale venue and wallah - it's the best large scale sale of junk I mean ..... second hand items you could dream of (the wikipedia article explains the protocol). No more driving around whole neighbourhoods looking for sales, just go to the one place in your area. And a seller need only put their unsold items back in the trunk until next time.

S'bleedin' brilliant it is!

Up up and away in my beautiful balloon

If you're on Facebook, I've added a few more pictures to my English Riviera album, including views from the Bournemouth Eye (a tethered helium balloon that rises 500 feet up to give you a spectacular view) and the Bournemouth Pier.

The speed of light is fast.... as long as you're local

Allow me to waste your time with some facts and figures.

Time it takes light to reach Earth from the sun: 8.333 minutes

Time it takes light to reach Pluto from the sun: 5.54 hours

Time it takes light to reach NASA's Voyager spacecraft from Earth: 14 hours

Time it takes light to reach Earth from the nearest star: 4 years

Time it takes light to reach Earth from the centre of the Milky Way: 30,000 years

Time it takes light to reach Earth from the nearest galaxy: 2,000,000 years

Going round and round the roundabout

Now that I've been in the UK for over a week, I can honestly say I am totally impressed with the phenomenon that is common in Europe but pretty rare in North America. I'm talking of course about the roundabout (traffic circle). They're a little daunting at first, but once you get the hang of them, you come to realize that they're a much more efficient method of processing traffic through an intersection. The beauty of the roundabout is that if you miss your exit, you just go around again. Unlike a normal intersection, roundabouts allow for more than 4 roads to intersect. Roundabouts also make it easy to go back the way you came if you find the need to make a u-turn.

Makes me wish we had more of them in Canada.

More differences from the UK

More things that are different in England:

• Petrol is expensive. 97 pence per litre. Equals $2.04CAD per litre. Equals $7.47USD per gallon (for my US friends)
• It cost $120CAD to fill the tank on our hire car (rental car)
• My colleague said it would take $250 to fill his truck here
• Not surprisingly, mopeds are everywhere, as are motorcycles
• Good luck finding a convenience store open past 11pm
• If somebody offers you a 'cuppa', they mean a cup of tea or coffee
• It is illegal to speak on the cell phone while driving - and they don't do it - they pull over
• The variety of accents here is amazing - even if you discount the foreigners

Well, posts may get sparse for the next few days as we're getting into the crux of our work here now.

Don't be frightened by DMCA abuses

Some folks had warned that the Digital Millennium Copyright Act was bad news. You may have heard stories about DMCA abuses since its passage into law. Here's another example of a software company trying to abuse it to coerce an ebay seller. The seller is fighting back and suing the company.

UK radio leaves me wanting

You know how I go on about how sucky radio is in Calgary? Perspective is everything. Yu should see what it's like in England. I would have thought radio would be utterly fantastic, with the airwaves bursting with stations blaring music we've never heard before.

Nope. You might get a dozen stations if you're lucky and 4 of them are BBC variants. They mostly suck and there is 50% inane chatter, 25% advertising and 25% music - most of which can be classified as 70's disco, modern dance club music or Travis.

I expected much more from you mate.

Because I can

I'm growing a soul patch.

I just thought I'd throw that out there.......

I know........ I'm such a rebel. Yes I am.

Karl's latest prediction

The movie Superbad is the next Napoleon Dynamite. Mark my words.

I mean come on - McLovin? That is going to be one of the most copied words this year.

The pub burger a-la Anglaise

Yesterday was a long day. I tend to avoid discussion about work on my blog, but suffice to say we drove 4 hours (at 6am) to attend to some work, put in a day and drove 4 hours back to our hotel (arriving at 10pm). On our way back to Bournemouth, my colleague insisted we go to a little town called Heytesbury (just east of Warminster) to enjoy a nice pub supper. The place we stopped at was the Angel Coaching Inn. If you've never been to a small town British pub, they're charming little joints that instantly make you feel at home. And just like 'at home', there's nobody there to cater to your needs - if you want something, you have to ask. That goes for menus, placing your order, getting a drink, paying your bill, everything. But you still feel like you own shares in the place and everyone flashes a smile, even if they don't know you. We made 3 new friends (one of them a cute puppy) without even trying.

So, I said to myself, "self" I said, let's try their beef burger. Oh.... my....... God! This thing was massive. I tok one look at it and decided this thing needed to be eaten like a meatloaf - off came the top bun layer and I attacked that beast with a knife and fork. It was a real, homemade patty - thick and filled with tiny bits of fried onion and herbs. I could barely finish the thing, it was that big. All I can say is..... Bravo! That was a beauty, eh?

P.S.: Driving along the narrow twisty English back country roads at night is an adventure. Can you say blind spots?

Live from the B-M

Facebook pictures of Bournemouth (the B-M) are now online. Yeah, I'm totally up with the lingo now. Or maybe I just made that shit up.

Bah Ha!

Checkin' out the groceries

Whenever I visit a different country, I like to visit the grocery store to see what they have that we don't and vice versa. So, today I strolled over to the nearest ASDA (which stands for ASquith and DAiries), now a subdivision of Wal[gack]Mart.

In the US, there may be a few unique brand names, but the selection of products is relatively the same (let's say 85% the same). In the UK, they have a lot of different stuff. Things I've noticed:

• They loves them some beans in tomato sauce - half an aisle dedicated to them
• There seems to be less junk food in the aisles
• They have at least 12 flavours of yogurt, maybe more - some even have layers of 3 flavours
• Long shelf life milk (Ultra Heat Treated) is common
• Their 'take away' selection has a distinctly culturally rich diversity - stuff I've never seen before
• Iced tea and gingerale - rare - what's up with that?
• They're not called 'English' muffins, they're just called muffins - but what we call muffins are still muffins too
• Cans of Heinz macaroni and cheese [gack!]

Weird......

"Attention - this vehicle is being driven by a dopestick"

I was in my room this morning and began to notice what sounded like some kind of official announcement blaring from a public address system outside, but it was far enough away that I couldn't quite make it out. But it caught my attention, in that it's not often you hear announcements blaring outside. So I continued to listen in hopes that it would get closer and therefore louder - which it did. Finally I could hear what was being said:

Klaxon klaxon - "Attention, this vehicle is reversing" over and over and over.........

Seriously. Vehicles that speak when they back up...... Wouldn't it be fun if they had a personality and started saying stuff like this post's title? Or how about, "Warning - this driver is on their cell phone and in another world"? Or "Danger! Danger! This driver applies their makeup without warning.... but not their signals"

I'm smoking it right now....

Facebook. What a can of worms that's turning into. I hear just as many people complain about as praise it, yet they still use it like electronic crack cocaine (ergo the post title). I think it's a brilliant idea, but it's starting to try to be too many things. A place to share your photos - brilliant. But unless I'm mistaken, only Facebook members can see them. The majority of applications are lame for the most part, My Questions being the exception for me. I'd like to do a poll that asks users: "Of all the people you have as friends, how many of them do you actually communicate with?" I'd bet the number is fairly small. I'd also be curious to know if anyone has yet to suffer the humility of being removed as a friend someone else's list on Facebook. I know one person who has (and you need not step forward).

The thing I get the biggest kick out of is people's profiles. I guess some folks don't get it that if you join, you were meant to join as you - using your real name. That's the whole point, so that others can find you. Pardon my French, but if you join Facebook under a nom de plume and use a photo of a goat for your profile, you're just a poseur and a voyeur, plain and simple.

Sun, fish n chips, sand.....

What are the chances that of all the places I could choose to go have supper, I would decide to go for world famous fish 'n chips (so it is said) at a place right near the Bournemouth Pier (Harry Ramsdens) and end up sitting next to people that had visited Calgary just earlier in the year. Pretty slim. But that's what happened. Small world.

P.S. I officially took credit for the beautiful weather we're continuing to have here in England.

P.P.S. For those of you who are poo-pooing my abilities based on the fact that clouds have moved in........... I let them in because the weekend is over and I don't care what the weather is for now.

Report from Bournemouth #2

Well, I just had to dip my feet into (what I expected would be) the frigid waters of the North Atlantic. Much to my utter surprise and amazement, the water temperature wasn't half bad. Not warm, but not glacial either. Mind you, I only went in knee deep. But there were hearty souls in up to their necks and they hadn't turned blue. I walked for a spell along the beach in the shallow water. I quite enjoyed that.

P.S. It's all I can do not to break out into a British accent when I talk. All my life, I've had this propensity to adapt to local accents and vocabularies. This skill has not diminished over time. By the time I get to London, I'll be 'bloody hell'-ing and 'cheerio'-ing with the best of them.

Greetings from Bournemouth

Well, this place is nothing like Cardiff. Palm trees, gardens, the ocean, waves, sand, the demographic is 25 and under plus 60 and older. It has an unusual vibe to the place. Once I gather more pictures, I'll put another album on Facebook.

This picture is the pool at my hotel.

Things I've noticed:

• McDonald's here sells porridge
• White coffee means coffee with cream
• Late night revellers in Bournemouth litter to the extreme
• My room is directly over the hotel's event (translation - party) room
• The beach here is 7 miles long
• Most of the service industry is made up of foreign workers (no big surprise right?)
• There are definitely a lot of smokers here

Time to go........ the beach is calling me.

More pictures from the UK

If you care - new photos on Facebook of Wales Part II, Cardiff Castle and Stonehenge.

Cardiff to Bournemouth

Now reporting to you from beautiful Bournemouth on the south coast of England. What I would describe as the English Mediterranean. More on that later.

Now that I finally have a dependable internet connection (that doesn't require stealthily acquiring it on some roadside bench), I have posted a selection of Cardiff pictures on Facebook - the album is called Wales 2007. The picture to the left links to it as well. Enjoy. (I think you need to be logged into Facebook to see it)

So we left Cardiff this morning and made a side trip to Stonehenge on the way to Bournemouth. My luck with the sun gave out just as we left Wales, so my experience with the famous old rocks was grey and damp (but not wet - no rain). Pictures of the 'henge are forthcoming of course. Not far beyond that site, I spotted columns of hay randomly placed in the fields. I joked to my colleague that it must be Hayhenge. [snort]

Finally, we pull into Bournemouth and guess what? Out comes the sun again. I am truly blessed. My colleague can't believe it. The weather is perfect. Our hotel is right on the god damned ocean, up on a cliff. I didn't get a room with a view, but who cares - the 'view' is viewable by walking outside a few feet. Bournemouth is much hilly-er than Cardiff. It's a tourist town, but also a retirement community and a college town. I would offer that if you took away the folks under 25 and over 60, the place would be dead. Much more to come on Bournemouth as I'm here for the next 12 days. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a coast sunset to go watch. Ciao.

Report from Caerdydd # 3(that's Welsh)

I crammed as much sightseeing into my last day in Cardiff as I could, which included a visit to their city hall (sounds boring but it's filled with history and art) and a tour of Cardiff Castle. That is my first visit inside a castle and although it is small, its story is most interesting. Unfortunately, they don't allow pictures inside the mansion, so I was limited to pictures of the grounds only. The picture here isn't mine. I could ramble on, but there's a decent article on the place here.

Yes........ I'm still having to ummmm share in Cardiff's secret yet generous free internet service.

Tomorrow, it's off to the coast (Bournemouth), but on the way there we're making a side trip to Stonehenge! Hopefully, the locals take kindly to my making like a druid and dancing naked around the place.......

Report from Cardiff #2

Hello again from Wales. It's my last day here before moving on to Bournemouth. Did I mention how humid it is here? I noticed there are a lot of smokers here. It may just seem more noticeable because everyone has to smoke outside.

The food here is different. On my first night in Cardiff, I decided to try supper on the cheap, at a little cafe in an arcade (pedestrian mall). The girl was trying to suggest something in a thick Welsh accent. All I understood was 'tuna mayo'. I had seen tuna mayo sandwiches on the menu, so I said "Sure". After looking at the menu some more, I realized that I had actually ordered a tuna mayo jacket potato. What's that? It's a baked potato with tuna salad scooped on top instead of the usual sour cream etc.... They have all sorts of different toppings for their jacket potatoes. On further discovery, I noticed it's a common menu item in the smaller restaurants.

The Welsh dialect is bizarre to say the least. It's weird to hear every variation on the English accent here (which makes North Americans stick out like a sore thumb), but hearing Welsh is another thing entirely. I took a chance to watch a Welsh TV channel during a news broadcast. My brain is still recovering from that assault. OH!! They say 'fuck' on TV here! No censorship. That caught me by surprise. I wonder if that means it's more acceptable to say it too. Well....... when in Rome....

Yeah, the sights and sounds of this place are a refreshing change from stiff ol' North America. But damn, is it expensive here. General rule - whatever something costs in dollars back home is what it costs in Pounds here. So basically, everything is double the price. My breakfast this morning came in at $32CAD. I shit you not. Mind you, that's a full English breakfast served at a hotel, but still....

Speaking of sights and sounds, I got to experience the British police siren for the first time live, as opposed to on TV. You know...... that annoying EEEE - ORE - EEEE - ORE (well, that's how my business colleague describes it). It's just so cool! Speaking of TV, hotel channel selection is wanting. I get about 10 channels, 4 of them sports. They may have satellite TV here, but they don't give it up at mediocre hotels. But one British show I've only ever been able to see via the internet up until now (The I.T. Crowd) - I got to see it live (well, a promo for it)! Live! Yeah, I know, I'm easily impressed. The Brits also seem to be coming around to getting on the American TV show bandwagon. I've seen first season episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond here as if it were fresh new programming. It's like being on a different planet......

Well, I still have no internet access in my hotel, so guess where I'm composing this post? Yep - in the lobby of the hotel I nicked ummm.... obtained access from last night. Hell, if they want $32 for breakfast, I'm helping myself to all-you-can-eat internet buffet.

Getting around is easy, but if you want to go somewhere not within walking distance, the bus in Cardiff is tourist friendly too. I walked up to a bus stop, and the map of the route(s) serviced by that stop is posted with fare info, a timetable and everything. You can buy a round trip fare (one pound 50) that is good for the whole day. So that's how I got to the bay to take the picture above. I promise I'll post whole albums of photos on Facebook as soon as I have regular internet access.

Well, that's it for now. Hotel staff are giving me the eye, suspicious that perhaps I don't belong here. Bastards!

Greetings from Wales

Greetings from Wales! I would have posted sooner, but my current hotel's internet is down. As it is, I'm having to steal err borrow internet access from another hotel just to post this. Once I get to Bournemouth late Saturday, things should get better - I hope.

So, where do I start? England is humid! I've been sweating buckets since I got here. I'm on day 2 and no rain! I have the power...... Getting used to the driving on the wrong side of the road thing is going to take a while - and I'm not even the one driving. Another thing you have to be wary of is crossing the street. We're conditioned to look left. Here, that'll just get you killed.

Speaking of driving, getting across country here by car is quick. Especially if you drive fast. Which seems legal. We've been getting away with 85-100mph (that's not a typo) speeds on the motorways. Of course, time will tell if my partner (who rented the car) has a slew of photo radar tickets waiting for him when he returns the car. Also speaking of car, I got my first try at a built-in nav system (we've got an Audi sedan). It was practically flawless. I'm very impressed.

When I got to our hotel in Cardiff, I experienced a bizarre situation in my room. The lights wouldn't come on. I searched for a master switch and instead found a key card slot like that on the outside of the room door. You have to leave your key vard in this slot to use any lights. That way, when you leave the room, the lights automatically shut off. Brilliant.......... as long as you know the secret to turning the lights on in the first place. It took me a minute...... or two.

Cardiff is a quaint old city undergoing a major face lift at the moment. I will post pictures once I get permanent net access. The city centre has a great pedestrian friendly shopping / bar district and the bay is almost shiny with new development.

Well, that's it for now........ I hear the police coming...... they must've detected my illegal net activity. They've got cameras everywhere here you know. See you soon.

Bon voyage to me......

Burger perfection.......... [drool]

With 48 hours until I leave for the UK and finding myself in the midst of the Labour Day long weekend, I felt obliged to take advantage of what could possibly be my last weekend suited to the task and undertake to BBQ a serious burger. I found my ingredients at the nearest Sobey's and set out to build a Labour Day masterpiece. The patty, pre-formed by the Sobey's butcher, had no fillers whatsoever - just pristine lean ground beef. Meanwhile Darlene caramelized a large onion (half of which she would use on her own steak sandwich). I had a huge patty. I would need to take this one slow. It took almost 25 minutes to cook to a well-done state (you can't be too careful with ground beef you know). When it was done, I slipped it into a fresh giant burger bun and loaded it up with those caramelized onions and a good dose of mustard and finished it off with 3 little slices of real marble cheddar. On the side, I opted for Miss Vickie's cheddar and red onion chips.

My friends - that was the most divine burger I've had in a long time.

Picture by slice

2 improv shows in one night!

Darlene and I just got back from Gorilla Improv at Loose Moose (one more for the road) and were stopped at a red light on 4th Ave downtown when we got to watch an encore improv performance.... in front of the Cecil Bar and Hotel. Calgarians will know exactly what I mean. Vancouverites - think East Hastings. The rest of you just use your imaginations. I'm sure every town has a 'Cecil'.

The power of the people

The KKK get their asses handed to them by clown anti-protesters. This is so sweet.

Holidays too commercialized? Nah...

Hallowe'en paraphernalia arrived in stores in early August here. I mean, we really need at least 10 weeks to prepare for it.

Not to be outdone, Sears has already trotted out the Wish Book catalogue. It arrived in the mail last week. This gives the average family 13 weeks to pick out potential Christmas presents if we don't even count the month of December......

Boil 'em, mash 'em, put 'em in a stew.....

I know this announcement will appeal to a select group of music fans, but if you recall my description of mashups, the kinds of songs re-created by skilled DJs where parts of different songs (voice from one, music from another) are mashed together to produce new entities, and you like them - what I'm about to say will be of great interest to you.

For a limited time, Go Home Productions (one the best) has just put its greatest hits online in one place for your downloading convenience. If you've never heard a mashup before, here's your chance. If you want my humble opinion, start with Wrapped Detective - one of his top mashups.