Small things 17 Nov

• Why do they even have directions on the box of KD? If you need directions at this point, you don’t deserve to eat it.
• When I’m just a few days away from retiring from my job, I’m just going to reply to every email I get with “What are you even talking about right now?”
• ME: *telling a joke*   SARA: haha   SARAH: hahah
• Rest in peace Pavlov. You would have loved notifications.
• One problem with fruit: it's inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. Same with grapes. You know what's the same every time? Doritos…
• When you’re in a "randomized clinical trial controlled with a placebo", or as the doctors call it behind your back, "trick or treatment".
• We may find ourselves watching movies or television content, listening to music lyrics, or reading books from many decades past and cringe at the things that passed as acceptable. But remember, art is a reflection of the times. Don’t critique it, learn from it.
• History. Today I rewrote history.
• If baseball really wanted to be exciting, they’d let a celebrity throw the LAST pitch.
• KID: Dad, why is it called 2% milk?   DAD: The other 98% is for the lactose intolerant.
• The more expensive the house, the harder it is to find the kitchen garbage can.
• In the gummy universe, apparently worms are bigger than bears.
• Gonna ask my grandkids if they want to watch Game of Thrones and then show them “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”
• If you’re cremated when you die, you can be put into an hourglass and maybe continue participating in family board game nights.