Social media types

I'm often amused by the dynamics of a Facebook relationship. Bear in mind that the following descriptions are my experiences only and have no resemblance to the same relationships in real life.

The friend. They engage with you and your content on a regular basis. By 'regular', I mean at least a few times per month.

The window shopper. They pretty much never engage with you or your content. As a result, Facebook's algorithms have pulled their posts from your feed and you haven't seen any of their content either.

The over-sharer. They always inject themselves into a conversation, even when they don't see anyone engaging with their injections. When a thread has nothing really to do with them, they find a way to step in and make it about them too.

The historian. They post pictures of everything. Every trip, every meal, every family visit, every party, every walk. Their life is an open book.

The troll. They always post a comment designed to provoke outrage, anger, etc. Often they don't even believe what they're saying, they just do it for effect.

The Vague Queen. They like to post mysterious updates like “I am crushed…not sure I can go on”. These vague posts invite a hailstorm of concerned replies like “Are you okay?” “What’s going on?” ….which the queen either ignores, or replies in an equally vague way like “It’s just been an unbelievably awful day”.

The humble bragger. This person really really wants you to know how successful / smart / awesome they are without blatantly bragging. They will do some variation of making a boring statement with evidence of their success in the background, or the pic will be EveryJill or EveryJoe while they post with some sort of charming detail, as in “We’re building our $3 million dream home!”

The political ranter. They typically take themselves and their political opinions very seriously. They buy into every salacious headline that plays into their chosen political stripe and go on a tirade at regular intervals. Everything is the PM’s / President’s / Governor’s / Premier’s fault. They are typically intolerant when someone dares question their position. Usually they are looking for virtual high-fives from like-minded friends rather than rational discourse.

The guilt tripper. Their posts often start with “Let’s see how many people are actually reading my posts….” The post often ends with a demand to copy and paste their post – NOT share it!