Small things 21 Jul

• My granddaughter paid for our restaurant meal recently. With her dad’s card.
• They should do a show where couples try to cook a meal missing an important ingredient one of them was supposed to buy earlier.
• The official KFC twitter account has 1.6 million followers, but it follows just a few people. 6 of them are random guys named Herb, and also the 5 Spice Girls. Let that sink in. 11 Herbs and Spice Girls.
• Tell your kids you used to have to go to a phone booth to take a selfie.
• When you go into the store without a bag because “I’m only getting one thing.” LOL
• How do you greet German rye? Gluten tag.
• When you bite into a burger and everything comes out the other side. That’s just food trying to escape.
• It’s not truly furniture until the pets have been on it.
• She had a horse. She called him mayo. Sometimes mayo neighs.
• Not having to wash a measuring cup because you only measured water.
• Stomach: [makes slight growl]  Grandma: “Empty the pantry, preheat the oven, and fire up the stove!”
• When you pause the show to see if that weird noise you’re hearing is part of the show.
• If you see a therapist as an adult, tell your parents they really should pay for it. If they ask why, just say, “You break it, you buy it…”
• You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.
• High school grad: I’d kill for free tuition.  Military recruiter: Really?