Small things 10 Mar

• “There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.” ~Ron Swanson, Parks & Recreation
• “90th birthday. [Willie Nelson] is a great advertisement that marijuana is not bad for you.” ~ Conan O’Brien
• There's nothing better in life than when you're full on laughing with someone, and you both keep adding things that make it funnier, and you can barely breathe.
• Almost every quote presented to you on Facebook, especially by entities who are not a friend, are false attributions. 60 seconds of verification is all it takes. Incidentally, if you ‘like’ one of these falsehoods, you’ve just sent a signal to them that you’re willing to accept a lot of falsehoods as truth. You have very likely become a marked target for misinformation.
• You can never tell a dog a knock knock joke. As soon as you say ‘knock knock’, they start barking.
• Dad joke: Lance isn’t a common name now, but in medieval times, guys were named Lance. A lot.
• The next time you see a Tesla pull up, wait for the driver to get out and say, “Wow! The new Toyotas look so cool!” They will lose their mind.
• Dad joke: Who’s the jazziest, most elusive creature in the forest? Saxsquatch.
• When you don’t want to get up and pee because you’re comfy, but you can’t get back to sleep because you have to pee.
• Old people be like, “Let me be the one who breaks the seal for the rest of the party guests by being the first to declare ‘Well, I’m heading out.’”
• When you arrive at the car wash to a lineup and nobody has noticed the empty bay at the nearest end except you.
• Live life on the edge. Don’t wait for Windows to tell you it’s safe to remove that USB drive.
• When you stare at your phone waiting for it to stop ringing because you don’t use it for that.
• ‘No alcohol beyond this point’ is code for “Bet you can’t chug that whole drink right now.”
• When they open the PowerPoint file before the presentation starts and you see ‘slide 1 of 143’.
• When people assume that when you are reading a book, that you are “doing nothing” and therefore can be interrupted. Repeatedly.