Small things 9 Dec

• Canadian winter game show: ‘Whose lane is it anyway?’
• There’s no wi-fi in the forest. But I promise you’ll find a better connection.
• I’m losing count of the times I hear a sound coming from my side speakers while watching TV and think that my house is possessed.
• When you forget to shake the mustard and squirt mustard-water on your food.
• I wonder if someday we’ll forgo gift wrapping presents because of the huge waste of paper.
• No, if you win at bowling, you don’t get to throw your ball to the crowd like in baseball.
• The biggest joke on humankind is that computer robots are now asking humans to verify that they’re not robots.
• All those galaxies with billions of planets in each of them and we ended up on the one with a 40 hour work week.
• Make racism wrong again.
• If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
• My mom said “Only get a tattoo that means a lot to you.” So my tattoo says ‘plethora’.
• When you pull into the right lane only to realize that it’s about to end and you should have just stayed in your original lane.
• I ordered a fitbit and the bank suspended my credit card for suspected fraud.
• How about some conversation stoppers instead.