Small things 19 Nov

• I wonder how many men who own colourful pairs of underwear secretly enjoy knowing that nobody else knows that they’re wearing colourful underwear? Ladies, is this a thing for women too?
• When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
• Competitive salary means it will be competing against your bills. And it will probably lose.
• Hal & Oates: I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t go for that.
• In a world of Kardashians, be a Joan Jett.
• Bacteria. The only culture some people have…
• "Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice." Starbucks barista: I’m just gonna put ‘Steve’ on the cup.
• When giving directions to someone, don’t say “You can’t miss it.” They will prove you wrong.
• Air fryers. Or as we used to call them - convection ovens.
• “Yes I’m still married.” [4 words to ruin a 1st date]
• Remember pop-up headlights? How about power radio antennas on the car? How about a Landau vinyl roof? CB Radios? Fake wood panelling? Good times.
• Want to really annoy your neighbourhood resident dog owners? Just site yourself right along the route dog owners take their dogs to the off-leash park and as they approach with their dogs, just crouch down and excitedly go, “Hey buddy! Hey buddy!” and the dog will either get very angry and start barking and lunging, or very excited and start wagging and lunging. Either way, it gives the dog owner a nice workout and maybe they start taking alternate routes to the off-leash area and as a bonus, their dogs don’t shit on your lawn!