Small things 3 Apr

• And the social distancing winner is................. BIGFOOT!
• You would think that with the toilet paper shortage, beans and prunes wouldn't sell much right now, and cheese should be sold out.
• This is a really awkward time to have bad allergies.
• Crows were gathered together in a group on the front lawn cawwing like "Look at us not practising social distancing hooman!"
• When they tell you to sneeze into an elbow, they mean YOUR elbow......
• Mosquitoes are coming alive from winter and going: "What's a mosquito gotta do to get a drink around here?"
• If you're one of those people who hoarded toilet paper and are feeling a bit guilty, stick a couple rolls in the nearest Little Free Library. People nearby who desperately needs some will love you for it.
• Tinder dates now be like: Meeting in your individual cars beside each other in a parking lot after a McDonalds drive-thru with your windows cracked. 
• Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
• Blood is thicker than water. But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically, pancakes are more important than family....
• A physicist studying atoms is really just atoms trying to understand themselves.
• Before naming your first pet, just remember that you'll be using it as a security question later in life.