- If you bring your male dog to the dog park and some other dog owner comes up to you and says, "your dog is humping my dog," just say "the bride's family pays for the wedding." to deflect.
- If Spotify was like US health care, you'd pay a $9.99 premium for access to some music; You still pay $7 per song until you've spent $100, then the rest are free, but this resets every year; every song costs a $0.49 co-pay; if you lose your job, they cancel your subscription and songs now cost $999 each.
- The first time someone spun around in their office chair......
- You can't run through a camp site. You can only ran because it's past tents...
- What did one nut say when it was chasing the other nut? "I'm a cashew!"
- Why'd the old man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well!
- Why did Edward Woodward have so many 'd's in his name? Because without them he'd have been called Ewar Woowar. Say it out loud, I dare you.....
- What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue...
- What do you call a broken can opener? A can't opener....
Person: How do you read your own handwriting?
Other person: I was there when it was written.....
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.
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