Small things 25 Jan

• Trump: McAmerica great again
• I knew someone who wanted to be a Gregorian monk. He never got the chants.
• Would you find a snapping turtle in a jazz club?
• A vampire would naturally have pet mosquitoes, right?
• The correct response to "please step out of the car" is NOT "Nah. I'm too drunk. Please come on in."
• You never want to be kidnapped by a pack of mimes. They'll perform unspeakable acts on you....
• Popsicle-mistic: When a friend sees you with one of those double, two-stick popsicles and thinks you're going to break it in half and share.
• Airlines would rather you not wear stuff that might make other fliers uncomfortable. For instance, a parachute.
• Static electricity - the universe's proof that if you caress something long enough, anything can be attracted to you.
• The opposite of irony..... wrinkly