Small things - 8 Sep

• 2017. The year people got mad at statues.
• People only say "It's a free country" when they're doing something shitty.
• What if rocks were actually soft, but they tense up when we touch them? No, I'm not stoned right now....
• I don't eat cows because I hate them. I eat cows because they're full of delicious hamburgers and steak.
• Maybe it's not that life is unfair, maybe you just don't know or understand the rules.
• If you bring someone you've been dating to Paris, don't ever, ever stop, and kneel down beside your partner, then just tie your shoelaces. Major disappointment for the other person.
• Starbucks baristas purposely spell peoples' names wrong on their cups because they know those people will put pictures of those cups with their logo on social media. For free.
• When an astronaut says "I need my space", he's not just abusing a tired line.