Being a tree in Calgary

Back in April, I posted a little tale about trees in Calgary. Consider this post part two.

I think I fully understand now why Calgary didn't have trees as part of its natural flora before (non-native) settlers arrived. The weather's too shitty to support trees. This year is yet another perfect example. Just as the buds were starting their process of turning into leaves, winter came back. We had at least a full week of snow mixed with rain and freezing cold nights with frost in some cases. Some trees survived the brief re-appearance of winter fairly well, but some trees are definitely showing signs of stress, in that their leaves are half the size and number that they should be right now. So it's the second week of June and only now are we 95% guaranteed to stay above the freezing mark for the rest of the season. But there's still the hail storms and possibly weeks without any precipitation whatsoever to deal with over the summer. Then by late August, the leaves are already changing colour on some trees as the first overnight frost hits.

If trees could talk, you'd be getting an earful in Calgary, let me tell you. Most nights in May, June and September, they'd be screaming in agony "Damn it's cold!" "Who turned the heat off!" When the hail storms hit, their screams would be unbearable as leaves are ripped off of branches. When the summer droughts come, they'd be audibly choking with thirst, as we may spend a lot of time watering our lawns, but not so much watering our trees.

Gee, that gives me an idea for a solo improv bit.......