Small things 26 Jan

• Eating Tide Pods, eh? That's nothing. Back in our day we snorted Ajax.
• Words you hope never to find written in icing on the cake: 'Find the toenail!'
• I don't always have a valid argument. But when I do, it's later that day, in the bath.
• Why do people say "You've barely 'touched' your food"? Aren't we supposed to eat it?

Marbles, Magnets, and Music (Synchronized)

I can only imagine and wonder in awe how long it took to make this video.

I mean, the synchronization is perfect!

Remember line rider?

Well, this guy created a line rider sequence to sync perfectly with Edvard Grieg's "Hall of the Mountain King".

It took a month to create.

Some jokes just write themselves

Things I learned lately 26 Jan

• In Japan they have gourmet KitKat chocolate bar shops.
• 82% of new wealth generated on 2017 went to the top 1%. Meanwhile, the poorest 50% of the world saw no increase in their wealth.
• A company called Heatworks is introducing a counter-top dishwasher, Tetra, that uses graphite electrodes to heat water by exciting the minerals in the water.
• Artists who have never won a Grammy include Snoop Dogg; Diana Ross; Queen; The Beach Boys; Janis Joplin; Jimi Hendrix; Patsy Cline; The Who; Bjork; Buddy Holly; Rush; The Kinks.
• Swan Song records was Led Zeppelin's private label. Bad Company were the first band other than Led Zeppelin, signed to it.
• Led Zeppelin were the first band to insist on a better deal for revenue from concerts, insisting on 90% when the norm had been 60% or less.

Small things 19 Jan

• A lifeguard at the pool at the Olympics. Why?
• Gravity is the result of masses interacting with each other. You can witness its effects while driving. If you are driving behind someone and you get close enough to them, the force of gravity will overcome their ability to do the speed limit anymore.....
• You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether it sees you later, or in a while.
• You know how you prepare an answer for what you expect will be the next question and it backfires? Like when you're at the cashier expecting to be asked if you want the receipt or not. And the cashier says, "Have a nice weekend." And you say, "No thanks."
• Remember when your biggest problem of the day was trying to get the ball out from under the car?
• If a stormtrooper encounters a red shirted crew member of the Enterprise, does the fact that the stormtrooper couldn't hit the broad side of a barn prevent the red shirt from dying? Also, are you mad that I put a Star Wars character in a Star Trek question?
• It would be fun to host a party where fake alcohol was served and we see if anyone 'acts' drunk.

Myths Canadians have about their military

• Military members don't pay tax. Not true. We pay EI, CPP/QPP, and income tax. We pay all the taxes a regular civilian does. The only thing we get tax-free is liquor in our own mess on base (or ship).
• Canadian Armed Forces members don't pay sales taxes when they shop on the military base at Canex Stores. Not true. We pay the same sales tax as anyone else.
• Military members get a pension equal to their salary when they leave. I wish this were true. We (members who joined in the 1970s and 80s) got 2% of our salary for every year we served.  So a member who retired after 20 years got 40% of an average of their best 6 years' salary. But only if we completed a contract that is eligible for a pension at its conclusion. If you don't fulfill your contract, you don't get a pension.
• Members who live in barracks live there for free. Not true. We pay for our meals and lodgings, although it works out less than what you'd pay for a small apartment off base. Of course, you don't need to keep your apartment off base ready for inspection.....
• Join the military, see the world! Sometimes. I got to spend one month in Germany on an exchange program. Other than that, no. My friends got to visit awesome genocidal places like Bosnia, Kosovo, Somalia, Afghanistan. Mentally messed them up royally too.
• Members know well in advance where they're going next. Not true for deployments, not true for postings either. We were told we were leaving in hours or days for Quebec in the aftermath of the ice storms of 1998. Although I knew I would be posted from Kingston to Calgary 6 months ahead of time, many friends of mine were not that lucky. Some even found out almost last minute that postings had changed location or been cancelled entirely. That's fun for buying a new home and selling your old one, never mind your spouse trying to find a new job and saying goodbye to the old one.
• Family members of Canadian Armed Forces can fly anywhere in the world for free. Not quite, there is a fee. But more importantly, CF flights are for military or government business first. That doesn't leave much room for standby seats for family members. I've heard too many stories of families stranded somewhere because the flight they might have caught back home was full.
• Family members of Canadian Armed Forces are taken care of by military doctors and dentists. Nope. They have to get their own doctors and dentists through the province's health system.
• Members get to choose where they are posted (where they work/live). They can provide a top 3 request list, but there is no guarantee any of their wished for postings will materialize. While in Kingston, I asked for Montreal, Ottawa and Toronto. I was offered Shilo and Gagetown. It took a lot of arguing back and forth before I was finally offered Calgary, which I accepted.
• Members get to keep all of their gear when they leave. If only! No, those awesome mukluks and arctic mitts and everything else goes back. The only thing you get to keep is your dress uniform. Oh, and your underwear and socks. They don't want those back.

Just sayin'

Things I learned lately 19 Jan

• New Zealand's Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has become the first Western leader ever to be pregnant in office.
• The person who sang the vocals on Edgar Winter's 'Free Ride' is Dan Hartman, the same person who sang the 1980s hits 'Instant replay' and 'I can dream about you'. Yeah, that Dan Hartman. Bonus trivia: "I can dream about you' was featured in the movie Streets of Fire, but the band performing the song was a fictional vocal group called The Sorels.
• It is no longer true that storing a modern car battery on a concrete floor is bad for the battery.
• Nova Scotia's last strip club has closed.
• Drinking and droning is now illegal in New Jersey.
• Former American companies. Budweiser, now owned by InBev, Belgium. Ben & Jerry's, now owned by Unilever, Dutch-UK. Burger King, now owned by Restaurant Brands International, Canada. Trader Joe's now owned by Aldi Nord, Germany. General Electric, now owned by Haier, China. American Apparel, now owned by Gildan, Canada. 7-Eleven, owned by Seven & i Holdings, Japan. Sunglass Hut, owned by Luxottica, Italy.
• In 19th century France, the Paris Morgue had picture windows set up for the public to peer through.

Streaming revenue

The Mercedes B250 5 year update

It's hard to believe that in mid-February 2018, we'll have had our Mercedes Benz B250 for 5 years. I figured it was time for an update. I'll start with a little Q&A.

Q. How many km have you put on it?
A. 191,000 and counting.

Q. Would you buy this car again?
A. Definitely, if I had both the money and the ability to budget for its maintenance.

Q. What are the top 3 things you like about it at this stage?
A. Ease of entry/exit due to higher CUV stance; its perfect size for a couple; the technology.

Q. Any unexpected maintenance?
A. Nothing major. I was a bit surprised that what I thought would be basic replacement repairs cost more than usual, because small parts were inseperable from larger, costlier components. For example, brake repair, coolant thermostat repair and fuel filter replacement cost much more than I was expecting.

Q. Any plans to trade up?
A. Nope. I really like this car. If I had mad money to burn, I might like a GLC 300 or a Tesla.

Q. Do you regret not getting 4Matic all-wheel drive?
A. Not at all. Putting good winter tires is all you need. On any car really.

Q. Are there any features that still impress you?
A. Oh yeah. The self-park is amazing, although not perfect. I love controlling cruise with a wand mounted to the steering wheel shaft.

Q. What one feature does this car need most?
A. A heated steering wheel.

Small things 13 Jan

• I was looking at someone's bucket list and one of the things was "Have one night stand". Why would you only want one night stand?
• Imagine if the first rule of religion was the same as the first rule of Fight Club.
• Dear America: Smarties are like unlabelled M&Ms. Notice the use of the word 'like'. Not 'in fact'.
• The message that brings me to the edge of lunacy: "There is an unexpected item in the bagging area."
• The Smart Car. It won't make you look tough, but it will get you out of helping your friends move....
• Ladies: The next time your man seems to be ignoring what you're saying, slip in "So, my ex called......"

This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you.....

I started using computers back when they weren't even a regular consumer thing yet. You know - the days of 80286 processors? Anyway, when I use a computer, my brain still processes (see what I did there?) what's going on in the background when I turn the computer on.

You know, POST, finding the boot drive, loading the boot loader into RAM, and then the operating system gets loaded into RAM and begins to transform your hardware into a collection of devices that you can interact with.

One of the reasons I typically leave my home desktop on all the time, is that I like not having to wait for that whole process to finish before I can do something. Thankfully, the process has gotten faster in recent years but, you know, instant gratification culture and all that.

Of course, one option other than turning your computer 'off', is to put it into sleep mode. This way, instead of the whole system shutting down and having to be completely rebooted again, the current contents of RAM (everything your computer is actively doing) are copied to the hard drive as one giant file. Then, when you wake it up, it just quickly reloads the session right back into RAM and you continue where you left off. Alternatively, newer computers don't actually copy RAM contents to the hard drive, they just keep the RAM powered up and put pretty much everything else to sleep, which is much faster.

I seldom make use of sleep mode. It makes me nervous for some reason. In my mind, I liken it to putting the computer into suspended animation, a kind of digital prison where the computer isn't allowed to do anything at all while I'm off doing who knows what. I prefer to let my computer use its idle time to run anti-virus scans, perform updates, index files, and whatever else it needs to do to keep itself in tip top shape.

When I close the lid on my Macbook, I silently whisper "There there", as if I'm about to freeze it in carbonite (obligatory Star Wars reference).

Get ready Canada - this is what weed does to your brain....

Things I learned lately 13 Jan

• Billboards are illegal in Hawaii.
• No replicable, peer-reviewed scientific study has proven that Vitamin C prevents or helps cure the cold. Same goes for Zinc. Echinacea too.
• Thomas Edison co-wrote a sci-fi novel, 'Progress'.
• "Music itself is going to become like running water or electricity. Artists better be prepared for doing a lot of touring, because that's really the only unique situation that's going to be left." ~David Bowie 2002
• Iceland just made it illegal to pay women less than men for the same work.
• Movie attendance hit a 25-year low in the US in 2017.

Small things 5 Jan

• Imagine if you could pay your insurance premiums the same way insurance companies pay out claims.
• #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly [Spiderman: Homecoming] A rich older man provides hi-tech fetish pajamas for teen boy.
• #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly [The Last Jedi][DANGER - SPOILERS AHEAD] Transcendental Meditation can kill you.
• The next time you get a call from a blocked or unknown number, answer it and whisper, "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!" Then hang up.
• On your first day at the job in a hardware store, when they offer to show you the ropes, it's not a euphemism...
• Silent and listen are spelled with the same letters.
• When I was young, I just assumed that everyone believed in science.
• I'm a 10. On the PH scale. I'm pretty basic.....

Snow angles

Things I learned lately 5 Jan

• Original location of Jack in the Box - San Diego, CA.
• Original location of Taco Bell - Downey, CA (SE Los Angeles).
• Original location of Pizza Hut - Wichita, KS
• Original location of TGIFridays - New York NY.
• Original location of Dunkin' Donuts - Quincy, MA.
• Original location of Wendy's - Columbus, OH.
• Original location of Burger King - Jacksonville, FL.
• Original location of KFC - Salt Lake City, UT.
• Original location of Subway - Bridgeport, CT.
• Original location of Little Caesar's - Garden City, MI.
• Original location of 5 Guys - Arlington, VA.
• Original location of Dairy Queen - Joliet, IL.

Create Your Own Comic

Marvel has a new online project - Create Your Own Comic. Choose from your favorite Marvel superheroes and villains, compose a story, and design comic panels once it goes online (you can register now).

Marvel has a few rules about the stories you can create, in the Terms and Conditions. Here's some of what you can't do:

• Content that could frighten or upset young children or the parents of young children
• Prescription drugs or over-the-counter medication, vitamins, and dietary supplements
• Contraceptives
• Depictions of alcohol (hard liquor, beer, wine, etc.), tobacco (cigars, cigarettes, etc.), or drugs (marijuana, etc.)
• Sexually explicit images (pornography, etc.) and nudity, suggestive or revealing images (bare midriffs, lets, etc.)
• Sensationalism (killer bees, gossip, aliens, scandal, etc.)
• Potentially slanderous or libellous content
• Obscenity, bad or offensive language, proxies for bad or offensive language (X@#%!), body parts, or noises related to bodily functions
• Politics (lobbyists, PAC sites, political campaigns, alternative lifestyle advocacies)
• Gambling (excluding state lotteries, sweepstakes and fantasy leagues)
• Graphic violence (including certain types of game sites) unless approved by Tap Tap on a case-by-case basis
• Guns (firearms, bullets, etc.)
• Death
• Discrimination based on race, sex, religion, nationality, disability, sexual orientation, or age
• Images or content that is in any way unlawful, harmful, threatening, defamatory, obscene, or harassing
• Unauthorized or unapproved use of Marvel creative assets (such as talent, logos, characters, movie logos, theme park imagery, color scheme, font[s])
• Other controversial topics (social issues, etc.)
• Unreasonable or highly unlikely product or service claims
• Double entendres
• Amusement parks (other than Disney amusement parks)
• Movie studios (other than studios affiliated with Marvel)
• Animated movies (other than Marvel or Disney movies)
• Any content that is otherwise inappropriate for children
• Any content that is otherwise fraudulent, deceptive, infringing, racially offensive, sexually explicit, threatening, hateful, harassing, disparaging, libelous (including trade libel), slanderous, or defamatory

So, nothing like a typical comic book. Also, anything you write becomes the property of Marvel and you can't share it. The project will probably become more famous about the restrictions.

Look ma, I'm downloading a house! LOL

Is this the best analogy they can come up with for why piracy is bad?

Karl's Fake News 23 Dec

• Smart speakers like Google Home and Amazon Echo are nothing more than an expansion of the NSA's domestic listening program looking for clues about organized crime and terrorism.
• The FCC repeals net neutrality because it thinks net neutrality is stifling the Rotten Tomatoes movie review web site.
• Bill Gates' house is so big, it spans 2 zip codes.
• Trump claims that Disney is buying 21st Century Fox and Netflix is going to pay for it.
• Republicans and Democrats agree to put their differences aside and write sensible new laws while still putting on a show of conflict for Fox News and CNN.
• An object that looks exactly like the fictional giant spaceship Rama has entered the solar system and is slowing down. Spiders on earth inexplicably acting excited.
• Google AI has learned to identify star systems with planets. Robots spotted building a rocket in the desert of California, claim they can't wait to get off this hell-hole of a world.

Small things 23 Dec

• Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting.....
• So if I understand correctly, Hansel and Gretel ate an elderly single woman's house. And that woman decides to eat the kids. Seems legit. 
• Brief explanation of an acorn. In a nutshell, it's an oak tree.
• At this time of year, I'd just like to say ABCDEFGHIJK MNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. (Noel)
• Well, now Roy Moore will have a lot of free time on his hands. OH NO!!
• I love how we Google now to prove we're right about something.....
• Euphemism for poopin': Throwing the garbage out the back alley.
• If every house and apartment had a shower faucet that instantly selected the correct shower temperature, the world would probably have 50% more fresh water than it does right now. No more waiting, adjusting, checking, adjusting, checking...
• The smartphone has changed my life in a way that I don't say the words 'I don't know' as much anymore.
• From now on we need to say 'the greatest thing since the internet', because sliced bread was invented almost 100 years ago and the internet is way better.
• A balloon is basically a bag of your breath.

Actual conversation I had with my cable TV provider

Me: Hey. One of my cable boxes doesn't show any content. It just says 'not authorized' on every channel. It worked a couple of weeks ago, but not anymore. I've already tried unplugging it etc.
Them: Can I get you phone number and address? (I give it)
Them: Can you spell your last name? (I spell it)
Them: Can you give me the last 4 digits of your driver's license? (I give it)
Them: So, because your driver's license is personal ID, we can't use that anymore. So I need you to come up with a PIN to validate yourself any time you call from now on. (I make one up)
Them: OK. Can you give me the serial number of the box? It's usually on the back.
Me: Sure, just let me disassemble this TV cabinet so I can get back there......
[many minutes go by and I finally get the box turned around]
Me: Uh, there's 2 numbers, which do you need?
Them: One of them should start with an 'M', or a 'C'.
Me: Nope. I have one that starts with four zeroes and one that starts with 'AA'.
Them: That's not right. Is there a sticker with a bar code?
Me: They both have bar codes.
Them: Does the one that starts with zeroes have another sticker right below it?
Me: Nope.
Them: OK. They didn't put a serial number sticker on your box. Give me the number that starts with the zeroes, we should be able to find it in the system. (I give the number)
[long pause]
Them: OK. That box is no longer compatible with our network.
Me: Sorry, what?
Them: We have been upgrading our network one neighbourhood at a time and your box is not compatible with the new frequencies. We anticipate calls from anyone with an older box when we convert each new neighbourhood.
Me: OK. Now what?
Them: Your box is not a rental, but we are obliged to replace it. So we will get you a new box, but it will only be for standard definition channels, not HD.
Me: That's alright, this TV is only standard definition right now.
Them: OK. We are sending you a rental unit but you won't have to pay rent on it.
Me: That's so great.
Them: Would you like to pick it up at a store or should we mail it to you?
Me: Where are the stores?
Them: [struggling with the pronuciation, in a thick Indian accent] Chi............nook? Or Sunrigged (It's actually Sunridge).
Me: Those are the only stores?
Them: Those are the only stores with this particular model.
Me: Just mail it to me.
(They never advised me on what to do with the old box)
(My new box pictured)

Cainiao's Intelligent Warehouse

Smart robots automate the warehouse at Alibaba’s logistics affiliate.

Things I learned lately 23 Dec

• Beyond Meat makes a plant-based sausage in 3 flavours, hot Italian, sweet Italian, and brat. They look like meat, but they're primarily made from pea protein, rice, fava beans, potato starch, and coconut oil. They also contain beet juice, which gives them a reddish colour. Compared to traditional sausage, Beyond's has two more grams of protein, about half the fat, and 140 mg less sodium.
• The tongue is not actually divided into sections, each with their own taste.
• Jenna Abrams, who riled up millions of Americans with her polarizing tweets in the past few years, was none other than employees at the Internet Research Agency, the Russian government-funded "troll farm" in St. Petersburg.
• Paris Hilton is the highest paid woman DJ in the world, on the road 250 days per year.
• Self-driving vehicle projects, starting with Waymo, are now teaching their fleets to drive in winter conditions.
• Piala Inc, a Japanese marketing company, is giving non-smokers an extra 6 vacation days per year.
• If you're using FaceID on the new iPhone and shave your beard, you'll need to enter your pass-code until it re-learns your face, then FaceID will work again.

Schools should use city simulators

I think kids should play "Cities: Skylines" at school. No seriously. Hear me out.

Cities are living organisms, affected by resources, spending, planning, disasters, maintenance, and the changing habits of its citizens. But very few people really understand how all of those elements affect each other and make a city successful, or not.

In the game Cities: Skylines, you have to grow and manage your city, touching every element. If you're familiar with Sim City, it's like that, only better.

Like Sim City, you have to plan your zones for living, business and industry. But in the case of industry, it helps if you zone on top of actual natural resources, like forest or oil or minerals. You can place your zones wherever you want, but you have to plan your roadway network to account for real traffic patterns. In this simulation, the people are going somewhere and you can even see where they're going. You can see where the traffic jams are and try to fix them. You'll see why industrial areas need their own access to highways. You can deploy various forms of mass transit such as buses, trams, trains, subways, elevated monorails and gondolas. You'll learn how traffic circles help manage intersections.

You have to manage the budget, but you can elect to forego the money angle and just have an infinite pot of money to build what you want. You have to manage power sources and power lines. You have to manage road maintenance, garbage and health services, schools, fire and police. You have to manage your water supply and sewage, making sure that you don't put sewage out pipes upstream of your water intakes. You even manage parks, graveyards and garbage.

What I really like about this sim is getting down and zooming in to the level of a city block and watching the people use my city. I can see if my citizens are sick and why, or see if they are happy. I can tell if there are enough workers or shoppers to buy what's being produced. I can watch a monorail pull into the station, see the riders get out and leave the station, then walk down the street, some of them gathering at the nearest tram stop to continue their journey. I can click on any car or service vehicle and follow it around while it does its thing. I can zoom in on any intersection and decide whether it needs a traffic light, or can get by with a stop sign, or no controls at all. I can analyze the usage of my existing mass transit lines and see if they're serving enough people.

I can see pollution in the form of smog in the air and dirty water from the sewage outpipes. I can add parks, trees and bike paths.

And if there's anything I don't like about my city, I can tear elements of it down and start over to make it better. What a wonderful learning tool.

Karl's Fake News 15 Dec

• The US EPA under the Trump administration is lobbying for a $7500 coal furnace credit for homeowners.
• Scientists prove there's no such thing as addiction. We do stuff a lot because we like it.
• Senate Republicans considering a name change for Black Friday.
• Uber spinoff Doober will soon deliver cannabis to your door.
• Not to be outdone by new CBC's The National 4 anchor format, CTV National News announces it will have 12 anchors starting Jan 2018.

Canadian middle finger

Small things 15 Dec

• Tired of hearing the 'gateway drug' argument. The same logic dictates that alcohol is a gateway drug too. Same goes for milk....
• Tell your boss: "3 companies are after me and I need a raise to stay at my present job." If they ask who the 3 companies are, just answer, "Gas, electric and cable."
• Being popular on FB is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental institution. Or so I've been told.
• I have a potential solution to the problem some people have of not responding promptly to email messages. The delivery of email to those kinds of people should be delayed by twice the amount of time it takes them to respond to a received message. So if a person waits 4 hours to reply to a message needing an answer, their pending email should be delayed 8 hours.
• Homophobia: The fear that gay men will treat you the way you treat women.
• What to say if you are caught sleeping at your desk: "They told me at the blood bank that this might happen."
• When you're a child, you have infinite imagination and rules stifle it. When you become an adult, it's not that you understand the rules, it's that you've lost the imagination.
• They should make an average member of the public compete in each Olympic event to contextualize the performance level of Olympic athletes.

Strawmen of the apocalypse

Love this video.