Best geek joke found this week....

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

This and many more....

Give yerself a raise.........

You know, I'm a Liberal - but I'm really annoyed at part of the lame-brained energy relief plan the Feds have come up with. They say they primarily want to help low income people. Such as a $150 rebate to buy a more energy-efficient furnace. OK - look. If you're a low income family, you hardly have the funds to buy a new furnace, so $150 sounds like a nice gesture, but it's meaningless. A wealthy person on the other hand would be able to use that rebate even though they don't really need it.

The government will also create an Office of Petroleum Price Information to ensure that people know whether they're being gouged by fuel costs, but this office will have no power to actually do anything about it. HELLO! We already know we're being gouged! We don't need more civil servants telling us we're being gouged.

Meanwhile, MP's have given themselves a 10% increase in their mileage allowance. How nice. That means a round trip from Ottawa to Montreal and back would earn a mileage allowance of $193. That does not include meals or hotels...

Some pictures only worth a few dozen words...

I just love this article, Anatomy of a photograph. It's a wonderful example of why you can't always believe everything you see in media - even if it's a photo. That's because it's not difficult to change the context of a photo by cropping it - which removes the parts the presenter doesn't want you to see. Very cool.

What can't Google do?

How long has it been since you upgraded your Google zen? If it's been a while, you may be surprised at just what Google can do now. Google Blogoscoped is on top of it, and Google Search Tips 2005 is worth a visit to update your search savvy.

Example? Google’s define-operator allows you to look up word definitions. For example, [define:sad] returns various explanations. You can trigger a somewhat “softer” version of the define-operator by entering “what is sad”, which actually in this case worked very well - where seasonal affective disorder came up quite clearly.

Hello Neuman............

Remember Mad magazine? I certainly do. Having not thought about it for a dog's age, I didn't realize it's still going strong. If you're a fan, you'll love this site, where Doug Gilford collects scans of covers from what seems like every issue (with a recap of issue contents).

Yes..............Spy vs. Spy is still around.

I'm on a mission from God.......

So God told President Bush to invade Afghanistan. And Iraq. And give the Palestinians their own country.

Yeah - mmm hmmm. And he told me I should get a move-on finishing my home theatre too.......

Canadian temperature conversion chart

50 Fahrenheit (10 C) - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C) - Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down

32 Fahrenheit (0 C) - American water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.

0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C) - New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C) - Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C) - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C) - Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-460 Fahrenheit (-273 C) - Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C) - Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

Autumn extremes

In Ottawa today, they were enjoying 27 degree C weather. In Manitoba today, there was a threat of as much as 40cm of snow. Dontcha just love it?

Money - that's what I want.....

You've probably noticed that cute little ad over to the right. Hey...... a man's gotta eat errr live ummm buy toys, so I thought maybe a little revenue generation was in order.

Speaking of revenue generation, I've been invited to blog for money over at Jurgle and The Music Blog. I said 'yes'. Call me easy, I don't care....

My first post (on the band Air) is already up on The Music Blog. I double dog dare ya to go check it out.

You're still here? Gonna be stubborn, huh?

"Tickle me THIS, Elmo......"

I love this: StarWars.com puts cute fan event and archival photos up on their site and invites fans to post captions. My fave for this one (pictured) was "Your destiny lies with me Elmo. Big Bird knew this to be true."

I'm gonna regret it - I know....

OK, I'm really taking a huge risk of stepping into the quicksand here, but I witnessed something this past weekend that rubbed me the wrong way. What looked like a church group of all ages lined MacLeod Trail (from Chinook Mall southwards) for many blocks - all of them armed with protest signs denouncing abortion.

That's fine - everyone is entitled to their opinion, that's what makes a free country so special. But some of the signs suggested that tax-funded abortion was a bad way to spend your tax dollars. My question is this: what costs more - public-funded abortion, or unwanted children being raised by single parents on government assistance? I'm just sayin'.......

"I wanna be startin' somethin'.....you got to be startin' somethin'..........."

Did you hear that? What was that? (hehehehe)

File under "Evil toys": The Mind Molester (available at Think Geek)is the kind of practical joke device that I would have had in my arsenal of dirty tricks back in the day. But don't you kid yourself, I made use of the available technology regardless. But back to the story. This beautiful little gem produces a high-pitched beep every 3 minutes once you attach the battery. I'm giddy with deviousness just imagining it in action. But don't take my word for it - read what this person did with it.......

(Family crest) "Our ancestors were really lame..."

If you're into online comics - especially comics unique to the web, you need to check out Brevity. It's fresh, short, sweet and to the point. It's gonna take me a while to cruise through the archives, but it'll be worth every mouse click. October 1st and 3rd and September 27th are already faves for me.....

Thanks to Petra for the find.

Interslice

Words made up on the Simpsons. My favourite: craptacular. Kwyjibo gets honourable mention....

Invite this doc to your next party.....

146 Reasons Why Sugar Is Ruining Your Health by Nancy Appleton, Ph.D.

What a party-pooper this person is. Just when I was loving the idea of chocolate as preventative medicine against diarrhea.......

Art imitates life imitating art........

If you're interested in seeing what CG is like these days, give the most beautiful CG girl competition #2 a gander. Now that the Lara Croft character from Tomb Raider has been given a human face (in Angelina Jolie), it could be just a matter of time before Tomb Raider is re-tooled to actually re-create Lara as Angelina.

More illogical road changes

One of the things that makes Calgary's downtown a little easier to get in/out of during rush-hour is its various one-way streets. Now the City is considering converting a pair of these streets to two-way. The point is to "improve the ambience of the area without unduly impairing mobility." Apparently two-way streets would help businesses be seen and make it easier to park without going around the block. Am I the only person on the planet that doesn't see any good will come of this?

This brings us to the concept of driving in/out of the downtown on the whole. Calgary's master plan is to cap the number of vehicles that drive into downtown and the proposed street direction change is (in my mind) designed to make it even less convenient to drive downtown. The intent of course is to convince more people to take transit. Which is a wonderful idea, except that the transit system is already saturated with people during rush-hour and the cure is still a long way off.

My new best friend

It's been 6 months since I told you about my shiny new Palm Tungsten E. Time for an update. This little toy gadget device has definately paid off in spades.

The calendar feature has become much more useful than I ever could have imagined to help plan my day. If nothing else, it helps me remember what's on the agenda, which I find makes me more efficient about where I go and when.

I've populated the memo function with lists galore. Grocery list. Wish list. Restaurants. Hey, it's hard to choose a place to eat if you can't remember what's out there. I don't even have to remember what DVDs I have in my collection if I see something on sale at the store - I have a list for that too.

The contacts function is handy of course, since I no longer have to worry about synchronizing my home phone(s), cell phone and work phone directories.

But where the PDA really shines is in its ability to just jot down notes like flight and hotel reservation numbers, or drawing dimensions of articles I'm considering buying, even a quick note on an idea for a blog post. I'm also impressed that with all the data I have stored on the thing, it's hardly using up any memory at all.

Yeah, I loves my Palm and if you're asking yourself what you would like for Xmas this year, I'd recommend you consider asking for one of these....

I will be diarrhea-free!

Research is showing that a chemical in cocoa beans (called flavonoids) can limit the development of fluids that cause diarrhea. Dark chocolate contains high concentrations of cocoa and may offer mild relief.

But we knew that chocolate had to be good for us - didn't we? Now if only they'd discover some great medicinal trait about jujubes........

Too much time on my hands.....

It's fun to play with the translating services offered on the web. For example, try this on Google translate:

Type my mom is nice and cool into the 'translate text' box.
Translate from English to Spanish.
Take the resulting Spanish text and copy it.
(You'll need to close the web page and open it again from scratch for this to work)
Re-open the Google translate page.
Paste the Spanish text back into the 'translate text' box.
Translate from Spanish back to English.

This is about the point where your boss would be looking over your shoulder........

Ashes to ashes - people to trees

Jonkoping, in Sweden plans to become the first place where corpses will be disposed of by freeze-drying, as an environmentally friendly alternative to cremation or burial.

Swedes will have the chance to bury their dead using a new method, which involves freezing the body by dipping it in liquid nitrogen and gently vibrating it to shatter it into powder. This is put into a small box made of potato or corn starch and placed in a shallow grave, where it will disintegrate within six to 12 months.

People are to be encouraged to plant a tree on the grave. It would feed off the compost formed from the body, to emphasise the organic cycle of life.

Attention those canvassing for hurricane victims...

Stop calling them refugees. They are not refugees.

From Wikipedia, and I quote:
A refugee is a person seeking asylum in a foreign country in order to escape persecution.

Get it? Not refugees! Sounds like refugees, but is pronounced evacuees.

Quit pulling my leg.....

Kate Moss does cocaine? Get out! Really? Who knew? Next thing you'll be telling me - Oprah has a weakness for Twinkies.......

"13 Senses sound like this as well I'm told....."

If you're even just a little tired of hearing Coldplay - and all the new bands that pretty much sound like Coldplay, then this parody video should give you a chuckle.

Sue me will ya?

The saga continues, in which the tables have finally turned. Tanya Andersen, a 41 year old disabled single mother from Oregon, has countersued the RIAA for RICO violations, fraud, invasion of privacy, abuse of process, electronic trespass, violation of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, negligent misrepresentation, the tort of "outrage", and deceptive business practices. Ms. Andersen's counterclaims demand a trial by jury.

Is that angels I hear?

There is no out-of-bounds

You've got to be pretty good to be playing ping-pong like this.....

MSN Mess

I can't stand MSN Messenger. I know there are alternatives, but they don't have all the features that MSN does. Up until the latest version it worked semi-OK. But this latest edition of bloatware is really doing a number on my system. I cannot connect on first attempt - ever. When there's a connection fault it takes my whole Internet connection down. It's getting real annoying and I don't know if I'm alone on this or I just got a corrupt copy of the software. Anyone?

Note the witty re-write of the About graphic.....

Nice try but.........

In an effort to help stop the senseless slaughter of trees, Sears has put their Wishbook Christmas Catalogue on a CD-ROM. Great idea, until you actually try to use it.

The pages are too small to read (actual size shown to the left), so you have to zoom in to read any details on the products. Which sucks, because the catalogue window only uses maybe 70% of your screen and cannot be re-sized - so your mouse is gonna get quite a workout browsing this baby. If you click on an item, it doesn't even center on the item, it just zooms in and centers on the page, which is worthless, because nothing is really in the center.

I give it two thumbs down, especially when you consider it will force many people to run to Sears and beg for a paper catalogue (which by the way have already run out at our nearest store).

I care......less

I know a few people who wear those bracelet thingies, so this post on defective yeti really hit home. My band would say, "Windows sucking = more work for me." Go read the post....Matthew is tres funny.

Why are men happier

I usually don't post these viral e-mail funnies, but this one struck a chord....

Why are Men Happier?

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be Prime Minister. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Hell, you can wear NO shirt to a water park! Car mechanics tend to tell you the truth. You were practically born to sell cars. The world is your urinal. You'll never drive to another gas station restroom because this one is too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000. Tux rental: $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch (or fart) is practically expected. New shoes don't mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. A haircut costs maybe $15 at a barber. You only have to shave your face. You play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. Wallet? Shoes? One colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Thanks to Marg Elliot, who always only sends me the good ones.