Bonjour la!

I haven't come across anything this good since I read my copy of "The Anglophone's Guide to Survival in Quebec". If you're English and you're from Quebec, been to Quebec, are going to La Belle Province or just plain need to learn some French to fit in - La Petite Lesson en Franglais is for you.

If I were a super-hero...

I'm usually unable to stay still for more than 5 minutes. Hell, Darlene would probably tell you I'm unable to stay still for more than 5 seconds. I don't know what my problem is. But if I had auditioned for the Mystery Men, my character would have been "The Wriggler".

Villain + music = icon

My friend Jon says Darth Vader is the best villain as he comes with his own theme music - you know, that Empire Theme music that always plays when he appears? Another colleague countered with the shark from Jaws - it has its own music too.

What about you? Do you have a fave villain that has their own theme music? (answer via comments)

P.S.: Spouses do not count as villains; nor can you use the wedding march as an example of theme music...

Go ahead - spoil my fun already...

Ahhhhh........the People's Choice Awards. One of the few un-politically motivated award shows where the fans get their say on who should be crowned best-of in various entertainment categories. Too bad they had to ruin the surprise for everyone.

I mean seriously - they announce a category and you think to yourself "Hmmm, I recall seeing one of those people in the audience, but not the other two.....", then bammo - the person you saw in the audience is the winner! At first I thought it was a coincidence. Then Darlene and I are correctly predicting the winner of each and every category based on who we saw in the audience.

After about 7 awards were given out, we turned it off. What's the fun if you already know who wins?

If I had my own radio station (cont.)

If you like Pink Floyd, you might enjoy a little known band called Porcupine Tree. I would try to describe them, but suffice to say they fit into the category of prog-rock. If you like what you hear, then give a related band a try: No-Man.

This could come back to haunt you...

Ken Lay, of Enron fame, is desperate to get his "version" of the breathtaking scam he and his rich buddies pulled off into the public eye before his trial. So he's paying search engines 5-12 cents per click to return a link to his bogus account of his wrongdoings when searchers look for "Ken Lay". One of the first things you will see is www.kenlayinfo.com. If you hit on Lay's web site through this link, then he pays between roughly 5 cents and 12 cents.

Isn't it ironic that something this guy did to get his site ranked high is now possibly going to cost him megabucks if word gets out for people to keep clicking that link?

Freaking kids!

Freaked out by students' "freaking", a principal has taken the unusual step of canceling the rest of this year's school dances. Principal Jim Bennett of Lemoore Union High School in California warned students at a formal dance last month to either quit freaking or face not dancing at all. But the students continued "freak dancing," a form of sexually suggestive dancing that involves grinding the hips and pelvic area. Future dances could be rescheduled if students modify their behavior. "It's really up to the kids at this point. They have to take some responsibility," Bennett said.

Yeah - the next thing you know, they'll be listening to rap and puttin' a cap in yo' ass!

Hilari-tees

I love a funny t-shirt slogan and Busted Tees has a few great ones. Besides the pictured selection, "Kenya dig it?", "Prose before Hos" and "New Mexico - cleaner than regular Mexico".

Put some effort into it!

Unless you've had your head in the sand (or don't live in Canada), you know Fido got bought out by Rogers Wireless. Much has been said about Fido losing money, which never made any sense to me. You would think people would be flocking to sign up with this cell provider - they are the greatest deal going when you crunch the numbers ($20 for 200 anytime minutes - that's a steal). No, they didn't have service outside of major metro areas before, but now that Fido and Rogers' networks have combined, the coverage is on par with everyone else.

Well, now I think I understand why Fido could be doing better. I was sitting down in Chinook Centre (one of our biggest malls), waiting for Darlene to finish shopping - I was all shopped out. I sat across from a Fido store and was casually watching its activity. In 25 minutes the sole salesperson in the store spent the whole time serving one couple, while at least a dozen (I lost count) people lined up or milled around waiting for help. The salesperson didn't even acknowledge their existence. There was much rolling of eyeballs and sighing and looking around for another employee and subsequently, a lot of walking out.

It's alive!

Looks like this M&M was in the process of mitosis. See more mutant foods here.

Why the big mystery?

CNN lists the top 25 innovations in the last 25 years. Well actually, they list 2-25, the number one item will be announced on 16 January. Oh! Oh! I bet I know what it is! The Internet!

1. ????
2. Cell phone
3. Personal computers
4. Fiber optics
5. E-mail
6. Commercialized GPS
7. Portable computers
8. Memory storage discs
9. Consumer level digital camera
10. Radio frequency ID tags
11. MEMS
12. DNA fingerprinting
13. Air bags
14. ATM
15. Advanced batteries
16. Hybrid car
17. OLEDs
18. Display panels
19. HDTV
20. Space shuttle
21. Nanotechnology
22. Flash memory
23. Voice mail
24. Modern hearing aids
25. Short Range, High Frequency Radio

What I want to know is - where's the LED or LCD? I challenge you to get rid of everything in your life that has an LED or LCD in it.

Boo RBC!!

Shame on RBC for taking their ATM machine out of yet another major mall (Chinook Centre) in Calgary. I'm getting tired of it. There is now only one major mall (Market Mall) in a city of over 950,000 people with an RBC ATM in it. This last bastion of RBC money dispensing was going to be closed last August, but it seems they had a change of heart at the last minute. How long before even this one is gone?

Copyright issue is getting overblown

"It is standard operating procedure for students of art to learn by example by sketching masterpieces in an art museum.

Julia Illana is a second grader who was visiting the North Carolina Museum of Art with her parents and was sketching paintings in her notebook. Her sketches got the promising artist into trouble with museum security. A museum guard told Julia's parents that sketching was prohibited because the great masterpieces are copyright protected, a concept that young Julia did not understand until her mother explained the term.

Actually, the museum guard was mistaken. There was no copyright issue, and the museum apologized and is telling artists to sketch away as long as they do not interrupt the flow of traffic in the always crowded gallery." Read more.

48 things (one of the latest memes)

1. Your name spelled backwards:lrak
2. Where were your parents born? This is weird, but I have no idea (Dad was adopted, Mother died when I was born)
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Groove Armada - Hands of Time
4. What's your favorite restaurant? Romano's Macaroni Grill (please open one in Calgary!)
5. Last time you swam in a pool? on our vacation in Phoenix at the Boulder's resort (Dec'04)
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Probably, but my embarrassing memories from childhood have no place in my limited cranium
7. How many kids do you want? none - if you'd asked me that 15 years ago I would have said 2
8. Type of music you dislike most? it's a three-way tie between opera, rap and country
9. Are you registered to vote? yes
10. Do you have cable? yes
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? yes
12. Ever prank call anybody? no
13. Ever get a parking ticket? do you mind? i'm still getting over the pain...
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? absolutely not
15. Farthest place you ever traveled? Germany
16. Do you have a garden? do weeds count? then no
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? yep - even the French ones
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning, bath at night, except in summer
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Only one? OK, Shawn of the dead, but Napoleon Dynamite and Collateral get honorable mention
21. Favorite pizza topping? extra cheese
22. Chips or popcorn? popcorn, but only because they're healthier
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? none, work would frown upon that I think (being male)
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? no - are they good?
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? uhhh, no
26. Orange Juice or apple? apple
27. Favorite type chocolate bar? Ritter Sport (they're European)
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls? the last Canadian Federal election
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? i can't remember that far back
30. Have you ever won a trophy? no
31. Are you a good cook? yes
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas? that's funny
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial? never
34. Sprite or 7-up? 7-Up to be sure
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yup, for 20 years (military)
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Advil Liquigels for migraines
37. Ever throw up in public? no
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? well, I've already found the latter, so...
39. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes
40. Ever call a 1-900 number? yes, what a waste of money! all i got was the weather forecast for the next week
41. Can ex's be friends? yes, if they were still alive...
42. Who was the last person you visited in a Hospital? Darlene - poor thing
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? I have no idea
44. What message is on your answering machine? You've reached the Taylor-Plesz family, please leave a message or try me on my cell at ***-****
45. What is in your backpack? when I wore one - external hard drive, mp3 player, lesson plans, PC tool kit
46. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? this isn't rated X, right?
47. What is one thing you are grateful for today? that's a tough one, there are too many things
48. What is the first concert you ever went to? Queen 197x something

Last dance with Mrs Miller

This is a real album cover. What I want to know is, what is Mrs Miller doing when she 'does her thing'? Considering the song titles and the stack of green brownies, I'm thinking Mrs Miller has a grow op....

Check out more cheesy album covers.

Weeeee!!

Ah....winter. Time to write stuff in the snow again.

These facts may not be exact today, but it's still funny

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom,you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank it all, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, good advice would seem to be to drink heavily and recycle.

Where's the kaboom?

Remember about a year ago - the rovers Spirit and Opportunity landed on Mars for their 3 month missions? Well, a year later these little guys are still roaming the planet.

Another man-made object viewable from space

To make it easier for people in France to get to the Med, they built a huge viaduct across the Tarn river. It spans 2.5 km and is almost 900 feet high at its highest point above the valley.

Take the damn money already!

Check out this great tale of someone who tries to pay their ticket, but can't because it hasn't been entered into the system yet (due to the officer forgetting to enter a date on the ticket). The holder of the ticket may be liable for fines since the ticket hasn't been paid. Just incredible stuff.

5....4....3....2....

A New Year's message from Ze Frank.

WU?

HT. JTLYK, ATM I'm AFK. DQMOT but AFAIK, GMTA. OTOH TBH, the opposite POV WFM as well BICBW. HTH (BG). JK (ROFLMAO). K THX L8R. YW. TAFN. BCNU!

Would you like these all-dressed?

A pair of Long Island hot dog vendors allegedly did their job with a little too much relish, selling sex along with hot sausage inside their tan camper. Police said the women provided personal services along with knishes, Fritos and Cheez Doodles from a wiener wagon parked alongside Sunrise Highway in Baldwin.

Feel free to make up your own joke here.... 

What do my eyes say?

This gets my vote for best pose for an album ever. BTW, por primera vez means "for the first time". As in, I am finally brave enough to wear these shorts.... 

Shaking my head....

You can almost hear the last gasps of the music industry:

"What is FreeFiona.com? This is the official website of Free Fiona, an international organization campaigning to Sony/Epic for the release of Fiona Apple's new album, Extraordinary Machine.

Why hasn't Sony/Epic released the album? Fiona Apple finished recording Extraordinary Machine in May of 2003, but Sony/Epic executives did not think it would sell enough copies to justify the cost of promoting and distributing it. Rather than spend more money, Sony/Epic decided to cut their losses and not release the album at this time."

vis-a-vis Springfield

Creator and star of the now finished hit Brit series 'The Office', Ricky Gervais is writing an episode of The Simpsons (in which he will star), following an invitation from its creator Matt Groening. If it is anywhere near as funny as the Office was, it should be a classic.

Jazz standard

If I asked you to name models of Honda cars, you'd probably list Civic, Accord, Pilot and Odyssey. Yeah, but what about City, Jazz, Fit, FR-V, HR-V and Stream? It's unfortunate that car makers feel that certain models can only sell in certain countries. Otherwise, I'd have bought an Accord Euro. 

Need I say more?

Hehehehehe.......classic. 

Dang!

2 movies I almost passed over recently and am glad I did not:
Shawn of the Dead, Napoleon Dynamite. 

It's alive!!

So there I was, on the first day of the new year, trying my best (and failing miserably) to fulfill my duties as a member of a consumer society at the nearest mall. So, rather than paying much attention to the wares on display at the various stores, I'm actually watching the people, in particular the future consumers of the world - the toddlers. You know, the ones who've just begun to master the skill of walking? These bio-mechanical pooping automatons their makers let loose at the mall, these mini Frankensteins shrieking at their new-found freedom. Arms out in an effort to balance themselves on their recently trained legs. Cute? Sure. But what's even more interesting is watching their parents' reactions to their spawn's independant mobility. It's like watching mad scientists admire their latest creation escape the lab.....