Small things 11 December

• Not to worry, coal mining will never die out completely. Santa needs something to give to all the bad kids.
• Pro Xmas tip: Sneak a quick Google search for what you want on their computer and then sit back while they get countless Facebook ads for that thing.
• Best Covid-era emotional support animal - skunk. Nobody will come near you.
• Dear groups of 2 or more people at the mall: It's ok to stop and chat. Just please take it over to one side. Do you stop your car in the middle of the highway to chat?
• Why when people ask "Are you all ready for Christmas?" and I answer "Yes!" do they get all shocked like that's not even possible?
• The thing I hate most about wearing a mask is that my phone no longer recognizes my face.
• People will season their food the way they like it. Some of us don't like ketchup on our eggs. OK? Mom?
• If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
• Schrödinger's Douchebag: A guy who says offensive things and decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him.
• There are only two kinds of fish acceptable to subject your coworkers to at work. Goldfish crackers and Swedish fish candy.
• Herblock's Law: If it's good, they'll stop making it.
• Zoom / Teams has conditioned workers to think they can just ditch a meeting they don't like. Or go make coffee. Or go take a bath.
• I picture kids who were home schooled for at least one year going back to regular school and always saying, "But my mom said...."