Monday, January 31, 2005
Sunday, January 30, 2005
So what would you expect to learn on such a program? How to use a power nailer without lodging a nail in your skull? How to smoke on the job without burning the house you're building down? How to wolf whistle at passers by? (Sorry Chris, I couldn't resist)
Saturday, January 29, 2005
2. The last CD you bought is: "Another Mind" by Hiromi
3. What is the song you last listened to before this message? "Take Your Mama Out" by Scissor Sisters
"One of These Nights" by The Eagles (I discovered women to this song)
"Planet Claire" by the B52s (my 80's era theme song)
"Debra" by Beck (perhaps the funniest song ever written, done in the style of Prince)
"Godless" by the Dandy Warhols (it just makes the hairs on my neck stand up)
"On The Dunes" by Donald Fagen (this Steely Dan frontman speaks my language)
"In The Waiting Line" by Zero 7 (the video made me love this song even more)
"Windpower" by Thomas Dolby (I've imagined grandiose videos for this song)
"Downstream" by Supertramp (what I'd sing to Darlene if I had the nerve)
"Everything In Its Right Place" by Radiohead (see Godless - same effect)
"Great Gig in the Sky" by Pink Floyd (I wish I could have been there when this was recorded)
5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to (five persons and why)? Nobody. I treat memes the same way I treat beer in the fridge for my houseguests - you want some, go help yourself.
Thanks to the Cheesemistress
(names changed to protect the innocent)
Me: So that's what I think we should do....
John: OK, let me know how it goes. Hey Frank!
John: Are those new pants you're wearing?
Frank: Yeah. [pause] How'd you know?
[I turn to look at Frank's pants]
John: Just a hunch.....
[Frank's pants still sport the clear plastic strip indicating the size of the pants]
Friday, January 28, 2005
I mean, did a group of apes attend the staff meeting and say, "Just so you know, we're going to take a pass on the next stage of evolution thing. We're going to stop speaking, do away with tools and leave our houses to the rest of you. I know you think we've gone bananas - and you're right. We've gone completely bananas! In fact, we're ape over bananas. So we're just gonna stay here in the jungle and figure out how to swing from the trees and eat bananas all day."
"Oh.......and you see how the hair's fallen off our butts? That's gonna happen to your whole body someday....."
Thursday, January 27, 2005
"Gee honey, did you forget to shower this morn.........oh baby! Take me you beast!"
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
When I'm doing the laundry, I only use one sheet and I typically re-use the sheet on a second load. My accountability regarding the recovery of these sheets is impeccable - I always make sure to find the sheet in each load as I'm emptying the dryer and re-use or dispose of it accordingly. All this to avoid the dreaded "cling-on" - the sheet that sticks to the inside (or outside) of a pant, shirt or sock only to reveal itself at the most embarrassing moment.
When Darlene is doing the laundry, she will typically be much more carefree with the dryer sheets - tossing uncounted numbers of them in with utter abandon. During the sorting and putting away the laundry, I can never be sure how many sheets I have to search for before I'm sure the load has been purged of those pesky "stowaways".
Sunday, January 23, 2005
I put the blame squarely on the directions on shampoo bottles. "Lather, rinse, repeat." There's no suggestion on when to stop!
Police in Germany are hunting pranksters who have been sticking miniature US flags and pictures of George W Bush into piles of dog poo in public parks. It has been going on for about a year now, with up to 3000 piles of excrement that have been 'flagged' during that time. The police say they are completely baffled as to who is to blame and have no idea what they would do if the pranksters were caught.
My favourite part of the story was: Legal experts say there is no law against using feces as a flag stand and the federal constitution is vague on the issue.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Our culture conspires against success with a diet. I mean - think about it. Over the Christmas Holidays, we pig out on lavish holiday meals and treats like fruitcake, eggnog etc. Then comes the unavoidable New Year's resolution to lose weight. No more treats, sensible meals - when along comes Valentine's Day in February. "Oh honey, please accept these fattening chocolates as a token of my love for you." Oh - great! Just what you need. No sooner do you resolve to stop eating the chocolates that the Valentine's gift got you started on.......along comes Easter!
Friday, January 21, 2005
Warning.......viewing this site could result in uncontrollable laughter. There's lots to see too.
Well, there was lots to see, when it was up. I'm gonna guess the author of the Book of Bunny Suicides and the Return of Bunny Suicides had something to say about the cartoons on the site.
Update: New link. I don't know how long this'll be up...
OK, this is worrisome enough - what blatantly bad ideas will she contemplate with her newborn child? Go-karts? Roller-coaster? Scuba diving? Bungee jumping? Read more
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Well, I couldn't help myself. I went out and bought the first 3 seasons of Seinfeld on DVD. It's been fun watching the beginning of this series - I had never seen this show when it first started. Kramer had a dog! But only for one show. Kramer's hair is not the insane mop we've grown used to. Elaine doesn't show up until the second show. So far, pretty interesting.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
So - without further ado, I present my candidate for the next Pope. I only posted this because there are likely scores of you who were born before this cat was a regular on SNL.
Father Guido Sarducci on the 10 Commandments:
There were actually more than ten, but Moses was old and grumpy, and after he broke the tablets he could only remember the negative ones. "Don't do this. Don't do that." The truth is, most of them were more like advice. The Twelfth Commandment, for example, was "Whistle while you work." (People think its from Disney, but Disney stole it from God.)
Who should be the next Pope? I mean, shouldn't it be an election? Or we could have a reality TV show called Pope-stars. No I mean really - if the Pope must be decided by Divine intervention, surely God would be able to influence the outcome of the votes.....
My vote goes to the character in the post above.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
More posts tomorrow when I've had a chance to cool down - pardon the pun.
Monday, January 17, 2005
So I'm guessing you've heard about the guy who didn't know he had a 4-inch nail embedded in his skull. I guess this is what happens when you coat your nails with Lidocaine....
This reminds me of that skit Billy Crystal used to do on SNL:
"Have you ever taken a nail gun - you know, and...."
"And driven a nail into your skull - through your mouth?"
"I hate it when that happens..."
So, just like the music and movie industry, the TV industry doesn't seem to mind adopting methods that might alienate them from their fan base.
Like any other good business, I think they need to learn that a happy customer is a repeat customer. Sooner or later, viewers/listeners are going to get so fed up with the entertainment industry's controls that someone's going to come along and offer a solution with less control and the legacy industries are going to suffer and die out. Read more.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
If you're looking for background music that's a little 'heavier' than ambient, give Moodswings a try. "Moodfood" (aural medication for tired minds) is IMHO their best album and contains a classic set, "Spiritual High" Part 1, 2 and 3. A nice, laid-back beat, vocals by Chrissie Hynde (of the Pretenders) and the finale incorporating the historic speech from Martin Luther King. Moodfood is in my experience, the most appropriate album title I've ever stumbled upon.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Friday, January 14, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Darlene and I were watching the opening sequence of CSI (the original - thank you very much) tonight. I believe the episode name is "Snakes". When the intro is finally over and the theme music starts, she turns to me and asks, "What other show can pull off a cool 2 minute opener like that with no dialogue?"